Friends Becoming Distant

Sorry for the typos, I am rushing this to get back to work.

I would get rid,concentrate on your real friends, those you have something in common with.

Yes, and it was sad but we’ve moved on

Friends do come and go over the years but I have a couple of steadfast friends, sadly they don’t live near me. As our lives change I find our group of friends do too. Is not a bad thing is just life. Wouldn’t really worry about this too much, if you find friends distant or awkward just hold onto those closer to you that you have more in common with.

Yes get shut if you have other more positive friends.
I don’t let people live rent free in my head anymore.
Life is too short.

Some friends are chapters, not whole stories.
That’s the way I think about friends.

I think with the rise of social media, the notion of having perfect, super-compatible friends has become almost obsessively important. Also there's an extra-sensitivity to perceived criticism. Maybe there's something wrong with me but I can't imagine why that has come about. We're all just people trying to get along, and everyday life throws enough sh-you-know-what at us, without giving ourselves grief because someone has made another friend she likes quite a lot.
Life would be stale if we didn't have a variety of relationships and if a friendship has run its course, that's fine, it's normal. If a friend meets someone else she gets along with, I doubt very much whether she's being intentionally spiteful to any of her old friends. It's just what happens in life.
You've got two options with the friend you spoke about - you can either try (gently) to find out why she criticises you so often or you can try not be so readily available and see whether she stays around - the ball will be in her court. I wish you luck. Please don't let it sour your life.

I don't have friends,my family keep me going,I've been let down by so called friends who only want you when they're bored or no one else is available and I decided enough's enough..

petra

Some friends are chapters, not whole stories.
That’s the way I think about friends.

True.
I do have one friend though who is a total drain on my time. I keep her at a distance as she’s not a person you could easily cancel. She’s Constantly moaning about money, she has just received a windfall, so obviously it’s not enough.
How she wishes her husband would die so that she will get his pension & insurance money.
I don’t need friends like that in my life.
Her husband is a lovely man, quiet, but a bit too boring for her.
One day I hope he wakes up & smells the coffee 😞

Friends for a season and friends for a reason.
I’ve had those ……

Just let them slide. If they want to know you they will soon contact you.

I do not have a large friendship circle, but the friends I have are staunch, although now being diminshed by death.

I am not interested in having a large social circle, but I have three very close friends. One I’ve known since we were fourteen, one from when we were in our thirties with young children, and my very best friend from when we at university. Our lives have run parallel. We got married at roughly the same time, had children at the same time (two sons each), and are now both in our mid-eighties. She’s the only one I now see regularly. The others are too far away, but we keep in touch by phone.

There is one friend (ex-friend?) I’d like to see, but she has drifted away, I think because she likes to be very active, always doing things, and I am not able to keep up with her. She is younger than me. To me this isn’t how a real friend behaves, so I feel very let down. I think she has difficulty with relationships beyond the superficial.

Grandma70s

I am not interested in having a large social circle, but I have three very close friends. One I’ve known since we were fourteen, one from when we were in our thirties with young children, and my very best friend from when we at university. Our lives have run parallel. We got married at roughly the same time, had children at the same time (two sons each), and are now both in our mid-eighties. She’s the only one I now see regularly. The others are too far away, but we keep in touch by phone.

There is one friend (ex-friend?) I’d like to see, but she has drifted away, I think because she likes to be very active, always doing things, and I am not able to keep up with her. She is younger than me. To me this isn’t how a real friend behaves, so I feel very let down. I think she has difficulty with relationships beyond the superficial.

I sympathise with you here. This is how my critical friend is. She's joined this walking group and thinks I should want to go on walks when we meet up. I am able to walk but walking for miles and going nowhere isn't my thing. She spends the whole time criticising me which is why I don't meet her as often.

Just move on and concentrate on other friends. We all change over time and sometimes in an opposite direction from our friends. As they say, you can’t change people, only yourself. It is hard ,though, I can sympathise with you.

I had a friend from school days who I considered was my ‘best’ friend’. We had so much in common and stayed close during teenage years and beyond. We both had families and stuff going on and we drifted apart a bit as expected, but I still thought of her as my best friend. Then I saw a Facebook post where she posted a picture of herself with someone else who she claimed to be her ‘best friend’. It did upset me seeing that.

Earlier this year I came back into contact with a friend from my 20s. I was delighted to renew the friendship. We had met through working together, It was a difficult time for me, my mother having just died and we were both exploring relationships.

At first there was a flurry of WhatsApp messages followed by a rather expensive lunch, suggested by her and her husband. She asked obsessively about my memories of the the affair she had had with our joint boss. Did I remember him and all the details of the up and down affair, how awful he had been, so manipulative and insensitive. I listened and shared as much as I could remember and tried to share a little of my life.

I think you all know where this ends, complete silence since mid August. I'm wondering if there might, just, be a Christmas card and if I'll reply. I thought she was a special friend, oh well. Like others have said, those people are rare.

Granatlast007

Earlier this year I came back into contact with a friend from my 20s. I was delighted to renew the friendship. We had met through working together, It was a difficult time for me, my mother having just died and we were both exploring relationships.

At first there was a flurry of WhatsApp messages followed by a rather expensive lunch, suggested by her and her husband. She asked obsessively about my memories of the the affair she had had with our joint boss. Did I remember him and all the details of the up and down affair, how awful he had been, so manipulative and insensitive. I listened and shared as much as I could remember and tried to share a little of my life.

I think you all know where this ends, complete silence since mid August. I'm wondering if there might, just, be a Christmas card and if I'll reply. I thought she was a special friend, oh well. Like others have said, those people are rare.

Sounds like she was digging for info about 'the boss'. Hope the husband was not at the lunch. Poor man if so.

What do you do when the two sisters you thought were also your friends clique off together , they've become pretty toxic but how do you phase out your own sisters 🤔.

Before I sadly lost my DH last year, we had a circle of friends who had similar interests and met up regularly. A year has passed and sadly these friendships have fallen by the wayside. Nothing personal, just a change in circumstances and ability to take part in the things we used to take part in as a couple. Often different stages in life dictates different friendships. I now generally stick to family and a close friend who though we rarely manage to meet up, when we do it’s just like we’ve never been apart.

SpinDriftCoastal

Just let them slide. If they want to know you they will soon contact you.

And then they don't.

I am afraid this is a feature of modern life. People we thought were good friends distance themselves without reason or excuse, and there is nothing we can do about it.

I find it hurtful every time it happens and find too, that the older we become the more difficult it is to find new friends.

Right now, I am concentrating on activities I can join in to because the appeal to me, rather than as a potential source of new friends. And hoping that one or two of those I meet that way might become friends, or at least pleasant acquaintances.

I don't have a huge circle of friends. In fact, now I think about it, most of my friends don't know each other. But they are all special to me and I value them for who they are. Other friends have come and gone...friends for a season, as stated upthread. So true!

I’ve noticed this since retiring. Previous friends that I met up with only contact me after I’ve contacted them. Think it might be time for a reshufffle.