Friends Becoming Distant

I’ve never had a large circle of friends maybe there’s something wrong with me,I’ve had work friends who I lost contact with when we moved jobs but I suppose I’ve always been in a bubble with my family, first marriage of 20 years and currently 33 years,I have two close friends who I’ve had for over 50 years
I moved 100miles away to be closer to my daughter 5years ago so don’t see them as much anymore but I see them every few months and we speak on the phone
Maybe the problem is that I see through people quite early on and then decide to distance myself from them if they annoy me,don’t get me wrong I’m friendly and amenable and I go out to lunch On a monthly basis with a group of ladies I’ve met at my singing group and I get on well with them but I wouldn’t go as far as to call them friends.

I recon your critical friend thinks you are boring. It doesn’t mean you are though, just that you have both moved in different directions and you don’t have the same interests anymore. Let her go and see what happens. She might be relieved or she might realise that you are a great friend.

Is your walking friend really being critical, or is she trying to draw you into her new found hobbies. She is clearly trying to be fitter, does she want that for you too? Perhaps not going about it the right way though.

I haven't got any friends left now ...we all used to go to gym classes but it all sort of drifted away . I think it's maybe an age thing ? .. but really Im not too bothered now ...

I like my own company and prefer to do Book Clubs and social Church events ...

I was thinking back to my teenage years. We changed friends every year or so, until 14, when I kept my best friend for years. I moved away in my 20s after marrying, but see her on visits to my home town, which are increasingly sporadic now. She has never come to visit me, or where I live, and it is strange in that way. A bit one sided really. Friendships do change, and evolve. Even University friends, though still friends, are not always free, or live a long way away. Also, I am still working, which makes time shorter, and therefore I have to focus if I want to meet up. Some people do drift away, become too frail to travel, and others focus more on their families and grandchildren. I think it is maybe more circumstantial, rather than personal. Just the way things change over the years, depending on the people involved.

All the friends that live nearby have died, apart from one. The other two live 2 hours driveaway. We are all 85/86.

Yes, Mabon2, I am 86 and have noticed over this last year that several neighbours and local people of the same age as me are ill or have recently died. I have noticed the same in the National News - people in their mid-eighties are dying.

It’s sad and scary and has made me wonder what I will eventually die of! It’s discombobulating! Onwards and upwards - but it takes physically more of an effort now to do normal things.

Fallingstar

Friends do come and go over the years but I have a couple of steadfast friends, sadly they don’t live near me. As our lives change I find our group of friends do too. Is not a bad thing is just life. Wouldn’t really worry about this too much, if you find friends distant or awkward just hold onto those closer to you that you have more in common with.

Agree with Fallingstar 100%
Also, I agree with the phrase, "friends for a reason or a season." There are many seasons to our lives. Keep putting yourself out there. Then be brave when you meet someone new.

I can understand why that feels hurtful, especially when a friendship that meant a lot starts to change. I do not think you need to hold on to people just to keep a circle looking bigger, as a smaller group that feels warm and easy is worth more. It might be worth one honest, low-key chat with the friend you miss most, just to see where you both stand. What matters most to you in those friendships now, the history together or how they make you feel day to day?

I phone one of my oldest friends every few months ( we shared a flat in our late teens and had many mutual friends). But she never phones me. The only time she did was when her father died and she wanted to talk ( which I was more than happy to do). She doesn’t do social media either so we can’t keep in touch that way. She knows I can’t travel to visit her because of my mobility problem. I keep saying I won’t phone her but always crack because we always have a great conversation when we do talk. I just wish she’d phone me to see if I’m ok sometimes .

One of the best friends I ever had was at uni. She came from abroad and I supported her in every way during her uni time including taking her home for holidays etc. She became the godmother to my child. As soon as she married her very posh husband, she became a' middle class' housewife. She was also very religious and had little or no time for me anymore. I actually wrote her a letter saying that I thought it better that we did not bother anymore as times, people and things change. I was useful when she needed me but not being posh, she did not have space for me anymore.

SpinDriftCoastal I love your not being posh enough!!. How mature to write the letter.

Citygirl1, it does sting when someone you have known for years drifts off, especially when you can see them out and about with someone new. You have already done the gracious thing by reaching out, so it is fair to let it rest and leave the door open. While the old friendships find their own level, it can help to put a little energy into new ones: a weekly class, a walking group, volunteering at a local charity or a community centre coffee morning. Saying yes to one small plan a week, even just a cuppa with a neighbour, adds up quicker than you might think. Friends for a reason or a season, as someone said above, and there is room for both.

I have lots of friendships but not many close friends, if that makes sense. Some I have known for years but we rarely meet, though when we do, we pick up from where we left off.

Most of my friends are people I know through local activities, groups. One person has left a group because of poor health. I do feel a bit guilty for not keeping in touch, but I found her constant talk about her health problems very draining.

Flippin2

I don't have friends,my family keep me going,I've been let down by so called friends who only want you when they're bored or no one else is available and I decided enough's enough..

Same here!

I'm very sorry if this has happened to you .
It's painful .
About four years ago I'd meet up with friends for parties ,lunches,dinners ,cinema or hang out in cafes.
My phone buzzed all the time.
Now things have changed .
Some friends have moved ,some have become ill and some bedridden and others have become distant.
One friend has remembered my birthday late .
Last year three weeks after the occasion.

But one long term friend has shaken me to the core .
It's quite obvious that I've been replaced .
She's proved to be scheming,callous and materialistic. I've also discovered that she has told me some enormous lies .
I've shed many tears over it .
And now ,I'm slowly moving on .

Thank you for sharing this so honestly. It can be painful when a friendship starts to feel distant, especially when you have cared about that person for a long time. I think it is natural for friendships to change as lives change, and that does not take away from the good times you shared. I would focus on the friends who make you feel welcome and at ease, and keep the door open with a kind, simple message if you wish. You do not need a large circle to feel supported. Wishing you warmth and some easier, happier friendships ahead.

My best friend ghosted me about a year ago and I never found out why. This meant I also lost a little group of her friends. I'm quite happy at home gardening and reading and have started to meet my ex for a walk as his partner died.