Feeling hurt and unappreciated

You have to see it in context. DH was not a card sender - to anyone. I always told him what to buy me for my birthday, but he was always planning little treats, or buying things on a whim.

An event like this can only be judged in the context of the whole relationship.

I’m very much for self gifting! My DH will make the effort but it’s not often what I would have chosen! Luckily he only has to ask our two DD if he wanted to buy me something. However if I was you Teabag I would have been very upset. A belated happy birthday to you. And Oreo, sadly true of most IMO.

Reading these posts makes me realise how many men are killjoys, selfish, inconsiderate husbands🤬

Oops, I pressed Post Message too soon (again):
I meant to say "Happy belated birthday".

Maybe he contributed to the celebrations and felt (or was told by the family) that this would be his gift to you. Does he usually give you a gift? (If so, lucky you - not all spouses make the effort). I'm not being unfeeling - I know only too well what family coldness can feel like (don't mention my b****y mother!). It's just that it's hard to comment when I don't know the people and usual traditions involved. Anyway, you had a lovely day, so try to concentrate on that.

I have always organised my own birthdays and gifts. It leaves nothing to regret. Disappointment comes with expectations. No one ever gives me what I want or celebrates the way I want so for me win, win. The family are used to it after 40 years.

I’d do as Maw posted above, whilst singing Miley Cyrus out loud

I can buy myself flowers … music 🎶

Happy belated birthday to you.

My late DH didn’t do birthdays - his, mine or the DDs and ignored wedding anniversaries too. He never sent cards, saying they were only meant for those you didn’t see. As teenagers, the DDs bought a few for him to give me, but soon gave up, as he wasn’t bothered and just handed them over unsigned.
I found it difficult at first, especially when friends would go into raptures about their spouses gifts/treats/weekends away, but after decades, it was something I grew to accept.

My 70th was on the first day of lockdown so no going out or coming in. No card from dh either. I did, however, have a Cook’s Coq au vin and a bottle of bubbly in so we “celebrated” that way, just the 2 of us.

I can imagine how you felt, Teabags55.

Mine excelled himself this year, for my 65th. He did actually buy me a card. That was all, though.

But I suppose that was slightly better than a couple of years ago when he hadnt even bought the card he 'gave' me - it was a generic one, taken from my own personal storage space, that I had bought, in case I ever needed one at short notice!
I would be lying if I said that I wasnt upset, as he had been to the nearest shop several times in the days leading up to my birthday so he had plenty of opportunity to get one if only he could have been bothered to think about anyone other than himself.
Lesson finally learnt now, though (I hope). I will give his future birthdays the same consideration that he gives mine, and he has a big one coming up!

Thankyou Aveline

Very good point *crazyH". Sorry to hear about your husband.

Don’t go by extravagant gifts and gestures.
My cheating husband , bought me beautiful, expensive gifts
The Xmas before he left me for his mistress, he ordered 24 red roses to be delivered to me .
Be content with your re-cycled card. It means more than grand gestures.
All that glitters is not gold.

My DD organises DH as otherwise he'd not do anything or get it wrong somehow. However, when reminded he does rise to the occasion and sometimes overdoes it. Fine by me.
The OP reminds me of my 40th. Friends and family did well but not DH - I got a card and a copy of Prince Charles book then he went out for the evening. He made up for that on my 50th though.

I know just how you feel, but after presumably several decades together, you must be used to it by now? Or was this unusual behaviour?
Some families “do” birthdays, some don’t. Mine do/did, Paw’s didn’t really.
So I took to organising it for myself “As it’s my birthday I know you’ll want to take me out so I’ve booked xxxx at xxxx” or invited the in-laws for lunch “as it’s my birthday and I’d like to celebrate it with you” giving them plenty of time to get the flowers and card. Sneaky, but it worked!
You presumably know how much he does care for you but the right gestures can make all the difference. 🌺

ClicketyClick

I really do know now exactly how you feel. It is very very hurtful because it gives out the message that they don't care. I didn't get a card, not even a happy birthday - no acknowledgement of my 70th whatsoever. Even my retirement was completely ignored. I have always given him very special birthday surprises for his milestones but no more.

That's awful!

I do think that some men are of the opinion that it is up to other members of the family and friends to make a fuss of their wives on a big birthday. I imagine is down to a lazy attitude because they have always relied upon their OH to organise social occasions.
You need to tell him you were upset and that in future you want him to make more effort but that for now you will settle for him thinking of something really nice to do for you.

I really do know now exactly how you feel. It is very very hurtful because it gives out the message that they don't care. I didn't get a card, not even a happy birthday - no acknowledgement of my 70th whatsoever. Even my retirement was completely ignored. I have always given him very special birthday surprises for his milestones but no more.

This.

I guess it all depends on what the usual customer is for birthdays

A card , I think you are lucky !