does anyone else get so, so angry with their OH, but then the anger disappears?

Not going to change after 40 years ! Seems to have more plus than minors!!!

minus !!

I would say pretty normal maisie although all marriages are different.Some men are very thoughtful, others not so much.Some men will do household chores unasked, others will do them, only when asked.Don't be afraid of asking.
Some men will do little romantic gestures, others rarely, but that doesn't mean a lack of love.
As we get older men can easily fall into a selfish routine, so the thing is to work out what you would like your DH to do, and say to him 'I would really like you to do blah blah' rather than say 'You never do blah blah' because chances are he will be happily unaware that anything is wrong!

Cut and run? Because of a few minor thoughtless actions?

This time last week I was sitting with DD2 at the Queen Alexandra hospital in Portsmouth waiting for DH to come out of emergency surgery to fit a pacemaker. He had collapsed with heart block that morning while sitting at their kitchen table.

Three hours in resuss watching a team of people trying to regulate his heartbeat knowing that he'd already had two ventricular standstills were the scariest moments of my life.

Thanks to the skill and dedication of some truly wonderful people he is now back to his curmudgeonly, sometimes thoughtless self whom I often get quite angry with and then forgive in a heartbeat.

Do think on, maisiegreen There's more to life than a cup of Nespresso.

Men

It would never cross his mind to actually DO something thoughtful like I do for him. He can't even be arsed to work out how to make a cappuchinno for me in our nespresso machine, so, if I want a coffee, I make it myself

How many people (women) nodding??
Come off it, there's a hell of a lot worse out there!
.

You have to make your own coffee and he's generally very loving but lets slip sometimes ... and you're asking 'is it a sign that I should cut and run?'

I think you're taking the piss and want people to tell you how lucky your are.

DH moaned the other day that I had obviously forgotten how to make a cup of tea
He likes his coffee and tea at exactly the same time each day and if I am engrossed on Gransnet doing some housework he has to give in and make his own and mine too .

What merlotgran said is food for thought.

You want to 'cut and run' because he can't operate the espresso machine? My DH never figured out how to open the washing machine. He died in the blink of an eye last year and I would make him a hundred cups of tea or coffee every day just to have him back again. You could try counting your blessings or contemplate cooking for one for the rest of your life with no one to say 'That was smashing, love'. If you do 'cut and run', you'll find it's not the paradise you obviously think it will be.

Why not keep the husband and get rid of the nespresso machine?

You could, of course move out and take the nespresso machine with you if you feel that strongly about coffee.

willsmadnan

I remember a thread a while back which escalated from "he sits around the house doing nothing now he's retired" to " mental cruelty and unreasonable behaviour should I LTB?" in about as many seconds.

You are 'avin a larf I hope?
Only to those who have lost husbands last month or 20 years ago, or may be losing them by degrees through Alzheimer's, it's not funny is it?

I am really, really lucky.
DH cooked himself a bacon sandwich at lunch-time because my friend called and we were sitting in the garden drinking tea (which I made).

However, he has left the hob and the tiles all splattered with fat.

"The other man's woman's grass is always greener"
I'd say your's is pretty lush masiegreen

Sounds normal to me, and better than many.

Maisie.

Hes a man What more do you expect.

Just teach him to use the coffee machine.... its not difficult.

I'm sure lots of us have, fleetingly, thought 'thats it - I've had enough' though possibly not about a cup of coffee. But, it doesn't take a huge leap to see that what Maw says is true and do a quick rethink.

I went out for lunch with 2 friends last week who were both worried about the health of their husbands so I count my blessings.

to all the people mentioned in Maw's post and to Maw and merlot and to anyone else who is 'coping' with their husbands.

Of course I am aware that there are poster on here whose DHs have very serious illnesses/disabilities or have died but that's not a reason not to discuss what are reasonable expectations of one's healthy, fully functioning DH. I am constantly amazed on threads like this how many women seem to have allowed situations to develop where the men ( healthy) are simply not pulling their weight and those who say 'he's a man, what do you expect?'. Well in this house we both expect that each will be fair, loving and respectful towards the other and that includes our both doing our fair share of running the home and the rest of our lives.

I do not find his behaviour normal, nor should you cut and run. Why not sit down and divide tasks.

I expect dh to do his half of the housework, cooking, shopping, paperwork, garden work, he does. He expects me to do my bit also, I do without complaint (except to deal to trades this week).

Normal! Certainly for men of a certain generation. Mine is the same! I do notice that both my son and son in law are much more clued up and they both cook, clean, shop and even iron! When I had to have an operation a few years ago, I had to show hubby which one was the washing machine and which one was the drier ! In fairness, however, I don't have a clue about anything car related, so that's his department. Yes, it's infuriating sometimes, but I'm sure I irritate the hell out of him too!

Is it possible that he does all sorts of other things that are really helpful but are taken for granted? For instance DH is responsible for all rubbish bins etc, does the cats litter tray and food bowls, anything to do with cars, insurances etc. He looked after me very well and without a quibble for ages after my knee op. I look at what he does rather than what he says.

Sounds like the coffee machine has highlighted an undercurrent of slight discontent that your husband doesn't notice how loving & thoughtful you are towards him.so before heading for the door(which you may well regret) give him some direction (yes I know we shouldn't have to !! but sadly we do) just tell him straight !! example ' I'm off for a relaxing bath dear , you are in charge of sorting out tonight's meal , & I don't care how you do it but just do it!! good luck sad to say but true many men just need it spelling out to them ?

Maybe maisiegreen's question is not so much about her DH being normal as about herself and her reactions to him being normal?

Have you explained to him the sort of thoughtful actions you'd like, maisie?

Or maybe you need more in your own life to interest you so that small annoyances don't bother you so much.

oh, where is my post?

I expect dh to do his half of the housework, cooking, shopping, paperwork, garden work, he does. He expects me to do my bit also, I do without complaint

We don't divide our tasks half and half but I think we each do a fair share quite amicably.
He has not really been introduced to the vacuum cleaner and I am scarcely on speaking terms with the lawnmower but it seems to work out fairly well.