1Nana2025
I’ve been dating a widower for 9 months. We’ve had a pretty easy going relationship. Except for his adult sons and their wives. They have been horrible towards me. Saying I’m a gold digger. I think I always thought we’d work through it, but they continue to lie and upset their dad. He broke it off with me yesterday. Hard to see a 60 year old man cry so hard. I’m devastated. I know only he can fix it but they threaten him with estrangement and he just can’t handle the stress.
His wife was killed in a tragic accident in front of him and one son. I’m at a loss as to why the family thinks he deserves more heartache.
Oh I feel for you, I really do. You don’t say how long ago he lost his wife, or whether his family have met you. That may or may not have some relevance, as they may be making a lot of assumptions about the type of person you are, and whether or not he is ready for a new relationship.
My own experience was similar except that it was my own friends and family who objected when I took up with my now partner after my husband died.
I was very happily married to my husband for nearly 40 years. Eight hellish months after he died, I met my partner quite by chance in a hospital waiting room and we got talking. I was nowhere near ready for a relationship but we recognised that there was something there, so we emailed and talked on the phone for a while and became friends over time. Then when we decided to take things further, I started to tell people about us. Two people I counted among my closest friends, and one family member said the most awful things to and about me, how it was too soon to be ‘dating’ and how disrespectful I was being to my husbands’ memory - you get the idea. At one point I found myself actually apologising - it was that bad !! Interestingly, my husbands’ family were very supportive.
I talked about it with my partner and after a lot of thought, I decided that after what I had been through, I had no room in my life for people who couldn’t support me, so I thanked them for their concern and reminded them that I’m an adult and quite capable of making my own life decisions. I gave them a choice - either accept that my partner and I are together, or regrettably it would be best to leave me to get on with my life in my own way. I haven’t heard from them again from that day to this. I know it’s a different situation because your partner is meeting opposition from his own children - very difficult. But if you’re as invested in this relationship as you appear - and it’s obvious that your partner is judging by how upset he was at having to end it - then would it be feasible to meet up with him again to discuss possible options ? His family all have their own partners and their own lives. They don’t go home to an empty house and live a loveless life, so why are they condemning him to that kind of existence now that you’ve found each other - we’re lucky to find love once, never mind twice.
To be cynical for a moment, I think the accusation of being a gold digger’ will probably be levelled at any woman who comes anywhere near him, and if he’s quite well off you have to wonder whether that’s more about protecting their perceived inheritance if he remarries. At the of 60 you both potentially have a lot of life in front of you, and you deserve some happiness, so if money is at the root of their hostility, that’s disgusting.
I would ask to meet with him and have a conversation about what you both would want out of an ongoing relationship, and if you find you both want to continue then it’s time to have a discussion with his family about the reasons for their hostility. If you’re to have any future together then he has to make it clear to his family that he doesn’t intend to be dictated to when it comes to life decisions. He’s an adult and can make his own decisions and mistakes without this unpleasant interference. It sounds to me as though they have his money more at heart than his happiness. Does he really want to give you up and let his family rule him with one eye on their inheritance, if so he’s going to end up old and lonely. I wish you luck.