The title of the post may come across as chauvinistic but I assure you it's not. Here's the background. I was a single dad with full custody of my daughter since she was about 2 years old. We had our own place and I was responsible for all meal prep. If we wanted to eat then it was all on me. I come from a mom who always cooked big sunday dinenrs for me and my 6 other siblings and we'd always get together with food being the central theme. I quickly learned how to cook like my mom. A few years later I met my wife, girlfriend at the time. She was coming off her first divorce with 2 sons in tow, I'd invite her to my place and cook meals for her and she loved it. And every now and then she'd invite me to her place and she'd cook for me. Her meals were typically spaghetti or fried chicken. Nothing too extravagant. Her and her sons eventually moved in and with both of us working we made the meal that we would alternate cooking nights. She'd cook one day and I'd cook the next. This way no one person is responsible for cooking every day. Granted, my wife claimed to be a great cook. She loved southern style cooking. Fried chicken, pork chops, greens, etc.
Fast forward some 20 years and it seems that she refuses to cook anything. She blames me for that saying since I don't eat greens and cabbage and stuff like that she forgot how to cook them. We're Afro-American and those dishes were staples in our home growing up. I never took a liking to green, cabbage and things like that. Well, it seems that the longer we were together the less she cooked. We both worked outside of the home and when we'd get home from work you cooked for the family. On my nights I'd have a meal planned but on her nights it was always "I have no idea what I want to cook". She thinks meal prep takes days and hours to do. I can think of a meal for the next day during a commercial break. My wife now says things like "I hate to chop veggies" or "I don't have an idea what to cook." She's gotten to the point to when she cooks I have to do the prepping for her. Our cabinet is full of spices and we have two deep freezers stocked full. She refuses to dig in the deep freezer to pull out some chicken or ground beef because that takes time away from her doing something else.
Now it seems like when it's her night to eat we'll usually do take out or fast food. Typically on Saturdays we'd be out running around and I'll ask what she has planned for dinner the next day so we can stop byt he store if she doesn't have everything or if she needs an ingredient or spice. She'll now complain saying it's her night and I shouldn't worry about it. Typically the next day she still won't have an idea then complain when she's short on an ingredient. Typically she'll continue to cook it minus the ingredient she didn't have. We're now in our early 50s and I can't seem to get her to cook anything.
We both work from home now permanently due to covid and we're steps away from the kitchen. She actually has her work station on our kitchen table. But when she gets off work she'll sit there for an hour or two playing on her phone or scrolling through Facebook. When I get off work an hour or so later she'll ask me what I want for dinner and I'll say something like " a home cooked meal." She usually smacks her teeth and walk away. I've even gotten to the point where I'll even say "hey, I'd love for you to cook this week, something, anything." And again she complains that cooking takes too long and she just doesn't have the time. But again, she gets off work an hour and a half before me.
I've asked a similar question on other forum sites and most of the people have usually replied that if I want a mean I should just cook it myself. That sort of defeats the purpose of us alternating nights so one person isn't responsible for cooking every night. Others have said that maybe I should just start cooking for myself and leve her to fend for herself. But do you know how well that would go over if I only fried 1 or 2 pieces of chicken, make a lasagna for 1, or just fix enough for me?
I've even offered for us to cook together and she hates that because when I try to show her anything then she gets all in her feelings saying I'm just lecturing her. I'm surprised she hasn't cut herself by the way she holds a knife.
I'm at my wits end on this. How do I get her to cook once in a while? Again, I'm not asking for a gourmet 5 course meal but just something she thinks about and plans. Standing in the kitchen stirring a pot takes away from her checking everyone's Facebook status. I've even given her recipes to follow and if it has more than 3 or 4 ingredients then she thinks that's a facny meal and she doesn't want to try it.
Bringing it up in a casual conversation usually ends up in an argument. Help. IS there anything I can do?
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brother. do. you. love. me. by Manni Coe. Reuben Coe
