Gransnet forums


Moonie marriage.

(11 Posts)
Greatnan Thu 31-May-12 21:21:36

Was is it about religion that seems to make some people do totally irrational things - like allowing yourself to be married to a stranger chosen by your parents?
This is a very sinister sect and it is hard to understand how its members can fail to see that.

Annobel Thu 31-May-12 21:28:54

Brainwashing, Greatnan. Why did people go overboard for Hitler?

granbunny Thu 31-May-12 22:14:53

marrying someone chosen by your parents is logical. f they love you, they'll choose someone suitable; if families know each other you won't marry someone with secrets; if families are pleased with the match they will support the young couple; property interests can be protected.

moonie marriage isn't like arranged marriage generally. revd moon or his organisation pairs of people who want to be married - it's more random. but, it can work.

marriage is successful where both partners are determined to make it so. how they meet doesn't really matter.

tanith Thu 31-May-12 22:27:22

"Property interests can be protected", sounds like the dark ages to me.. sorry but my parents idea of a suitable match wouldn't be anything like my idea of a suitable person. The thought that someone else would select my life partner seems totally alien to me.
Doesn't matter how 'determined' you are, if you don't love someone then its never going to work. Just my opinion and I've no doubt others will disagree..

nanaej Thu 31-May-12 22:49:54

I agree with granbunny that family arranged marriages can and do work.
I know couples whose marriages were arranged and they are very happy & have caring families. They did have the choice to refuse if they did not like the person. I know several couples who loved each other but could not make a 'chosen' marriage work! I am sure there are many unhappy arranged marriages but lots of 'chosen' ones are like that too!

merlotgran Thu 31-May-12 23:13:06

When I took my future OH home to meet my parents I hoped they would approve of my choice and love him as a member of the family. If they'd chosen him for me, however, I'd probably have run a mile!

Greatnan Thu 31-May-12 23:45:32

These Moonie marriages did not put together young people whose parents knew each other- the couplings were entirely random. I would certainly not have wanted to marry someone of my parents' choice, as they and I were completely different in our interests and aspirations. The idea of having to be intimate with a man that I did not find sexually attractive and had only just met is shocking to me.

Bags Fri 01-Jun-12 06:21:36

Seems to me it's a dichotomy between respect for individual freedom (and the security and happiness or otherwise that goes with it) and religious control of other people for 'power' purposes. Of course some of both kinds of marriage will work. That's almost irrelevant. What's important is whether one believes in individual freedom or not. Moonies clearly don't. Good luck to any of their members who do but can't escape the control.

Bags Fri 01-Jun-12 06:27:25

I feel that moonie marriages work because of rules imposed from outside, whereas free choice marriages work (where they do work) because of far more fundamental things, such as respect and love. There may be love in arranged marriages, but it really isn't necessary. All you have to do is obey all the rules and not think for yourself. What my parents would have called "doing your duty". It's always the duty someone else has decided though. hmm

JessM Fri 01-Jun-12 06:32:13

The custom of arranged marriage evolved in cultures where everyone knew everyone else in the area and their way of life very stable. It may have been in part about wanting your children to be happy but that idea may be quite modern and western. May often have been more about strategic alliances, property and maybe avoidance of inbreeding. Look at the way the royals and top aristocrats behaved in this country, right up to Charles and Diana.
This moonie thing on the other hand is in a league of its own.

Greatnan Fri 01-Jun-12 06:47:39

It would be interesting to know if those who think arranged marriages are acceptable would have agreed to have one themselves. I wonder how much cultural and family pressure is brought to bear on participants, especially women, although I have seen young men being interviewed who were also unhappy with their arranged marriage. Just because people stay married does not mean they are happy.