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Trying hard, but getting nowhere

(19 Posts)
mariana Thu 14-May-15 17:43:42

I am going through a really difficult time right now, and feel that the only help I have is in God. But I am praying and praying, in home and at church, but I seem to be getting no answers. When I am in church, people will talk and sympathise, even pray with and for me, but when I am not in church, i do not get the same support. I know they all have their own lives and their own problems, but I have noone else, and sometimes, I am just desperate for someone to talk to. My friends do not understand how tough things are for me. I feel truly desolate, and do not know how to change things.

soontobe Thu 14-May-15 18:03:26

I am not quite sure where to start.

First off, this board and the other boards are always open. There are a number of christians, and other posters who can listen, even at nighttime.

When you say you are not getting any answers from God, sometimes His answer can be to wait, or He may even be saying no. Do you think that that may be the case at all? It is a bit hard to say without you saying what the details are. But dont say them on this open forum if you dont want to.

soontobe Thu 14-May-15 18:34:16

Just seen your other thread. I should have read your post a bit better. What would happen if you telephoned them to have a chat? Are there a number of them you could ring?

Mishap Thu 14-May-15 19:38:45

Mariana - it might be a good idea to chat to the Samaritans - they can be incredibly supportive and are always there for anyone who feels life has reached a bit of a crisis or a crossroads.

When you are feeling stronger in yourself, volunteering (as I believe someone else has suggested) could be the route to go. It is good for the self-confidence as you know you are contributing something important.

Sometimes we can find the strength to help ourselves; and reaching out to others with a helping hand is a good way of achieving that.

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 14-May-15 19:42:32

How long have you been going to your particular church? Could you get involved in any social activities that take place there in the week - just to make some friends, who could become close friends? Is your vicar approachable?

There is always us. flowers

Crafting Thu 14-May-15 21:50:18

mariana I am sorry you are so troubled. I do not know what is causing you so much pain but I hope you get an answer to your prayers soon. You don't have to tell anyone what is troubling you but you will find support on GN. There are others on GN who will pray for you too. flowers

Smileless2012 Fri 15-May-15 15:22:10

Yes mariana Crafting is right, there will be some of us on Gransnet who will pray for you if you would like us too. You can send anyone a pm so you wouldn't have to ask on the open forum.

I've seen your other two threads and you are clearly finding things very difficult at the moment. Sometimes when we are desperate, we feel that God isn't listening. I have been struggling to deal, for just over two and a half years, with a very stressful and painful family dilemma and when it first began I suppose my constant, endless praying could have been perceived as badgering God not only for an answer but a solution; the answers and solutions I wanted, not necessarily the ones He wanted for me.

As soontobe has said, sometimes His answer is to wait and sometimes it is 'no'. Not always the answers we want to hear or the answers other family members or friends want us to be getting.

"I feel truly desolate and do not know how to change things", words that portray so much sadness and heart ache. So many find themselves feeling the way you describe. I felt that way too last weekend, so did what you have done and started a new thread on this very forum.

The support and advice I was given overwhelmed me. I had been questioning the direction I had taken even though I'd believed that prayer had told me the direction to take. A family member's doubt had made me doubt too.

soontobe has said that sometimes God tells us to wait and says 'no'. He has been saying those two things to me all this time, and even though I'd doubted Him I know because of what's happened over the last few days that this is still His message and soontobe, you have just confirmed this again. Coincidence!!!smile.

Keep 'talking' on Gransnet, I know you will find the support you

whitewave Fri 15-May-15 16:04:19


mariana Fri 15-May-15 17:59:42

Thank you all so much for your messages of support. I will try and get back on here later, as I have to feed the dogs.

I do my very best to keep occupied, to answer a few suggestions above--
yes, my vicar is very approachable, but I hesitate to bother hin too much, as I know there are other people worse off then me. I have made some lovely friends, who are very supportive in church, but I do not see them outside church. I join in church activities, like "Open House" "Friends together" . various course, plus I go to a Home Group. I also help with the church accounts.

I also helped at a centre for "special needs" for 3 years, which I loved-teaching them how to knit, crochet , make cards--it was so rewarding to se a 60 year old, who could not read or write, apart from his name, but he could make a card thast people would buy. But they moved to another village, and I was unable to get there any more.

I also belong to WI, [treasurer for 13 years], Paddara, Historical Society, U£A. Within u3a I belong to a craft group, i also run 2 groups myself, teaching crochet. I also have a Tuesday afternoon craft group, and a Friday night craft group. On top of all that , I have my 2 dogs, cat, a large house and big garden to try and take care of.

Plenty to keep me busy during the day--it is just evenings, early mornings, weekeds that are difficult.

I have something else in mind to try, but I have to wait a while for that.

I have a few good days, then some really bad days, and each time the bad days get worse, and I am in such a spell at the moment. I am worried as to where I will end up, so I phoned my doctor today, but she is off now till Monday !!!

Anyway, thank you all again for your thoughts, and if any of you want to say a little prayer for me, i would love that.

Smileless2012 Fri 15-May-15 21:25:43

No sooner said than done marianaflowers.

mariana Fri 15-May-15 23:22:14

Thank you so much xx

soontobe Sat 16-May-15 11:47:11

You are in my prayers.

I have been giving this some thought.
Have you thought about visiting a convent? That may be 10 steps too far! It is just an idea.
I am not sure if what you are looking for/craving is more or less 24 hour support from christians, or from the general public.
Or may be there is some sort of christian community that you could be part of.
There is a nunnery in my neck of the woods, but I dont know much about it. And I dont know of a christian community, but I think that the occasional one does exist.

It was the bit where you said that you wanted plenty to keep you busy in the early morning, that made me think that there is virtually nothing, at least church wise, that covers that. And you seem to want company all the time.

I am not sure how long you have been a christian for. Was it 1 year?

soontobe Sat 16-May-15 11:51:29

That last post sounds wacky even to me.

Other options. From reading your other thread[there may be another one too, but I havent got time to look for it right now]
A counsellor, or a christian counsellor you may find useful.
Forgotten the other one for now.

mariana Sat 16-May-15 20:07:57

I have been a Christian for just one year. I am not really sure what i want, this is the problem. I wake up, and wonder what the rest of my life holds-I do not want to be completely on my own forever. It is very difficult to explain. Because I live in a small village, it is very hard to find any kind of counselling locally, I am searching further afield , but without my own transport, some places are impossible to get to. I am trying helplines on the internet-have not got round to phoning one yet, I need to make sure that it is right for me. i am doing everything I can to lift myself up, but nothing seems to be working.

But something extraordinary happened today--I have up days and down days, and the down days, i am sinking lower each time.Last 3 days were especially bad-especially Thursday-someone at church aked me how I was and I burst into tears, and literally could not stop crying. I have never been so bad. But I still have been praying for help and guidance. This morning, I prayed for a long time, for everyone I knew who was suffering in some way, and just at the end, I asked God to let me know what he wanted me to do next.
When I went down and picked up the post, there was a packet containing a book, that I thought I had ordered for my Kindle from Amazon and had actually forgotten about it.
It was called "With God by your side--you never have to be alone"
i opened it at random, and this is the verse that I read---

Sometimes when we least expect it, a door closes in our lives.
circumstances may change, dreams may get shattered, and plans for tomorrow may disappear.
But when one door closes, God always opens another.
When we are facing disappointment in our lives, sometimes it is hard to see that this is also part of God's plan--but it's true.
God knows what is best for us, and He will lead us to where we need to be..
Have faith in Him, and you will reach all the wondrous things that He has waiting for you.

What can i say--it spoke directly to me. I have just had a door close, my dreams were shattered, and all my plans disappeared.

soontobe Sat 16-May-15 21:03:50

I have now seen your other thread in relationships, which puts things in a bit of context.

So glad that the book is helping you. Brilliant flowers

Crafting Sat 16-May-15 21:11:24

mariana I once prayed hard for something I hoped would happen to help a family member. I was disappointed when my prayers weren't answered. Many months later, something much better than I had prayed for happened to improve the life of that person in a way I hadn't thought of. Don't give up hope mariana, as you say, another door will open.

mariana Mon 18-May-15 16:28:01

Good news for me. Managed to get hold of my doctor today, and she is referring me for counselling. So hope that will help me, to get back to my normal self !

Elegran Mon 18-May-15 17:02:34

You seem to have most of your time filled up, you have far more contact with other people than I do. Do you have to have someone else around to keep you from thinking too much about yourself?

Volunteering, for instance with the Samaritans or Silverline, and offering to do an early morning or evening phone shift would both give you a focus at these times and enable you to help other people - often having someone else's problems to think about takes your mind off your own.

Other thoughts - listen to the radio, play music, read books, take up a craft or skill of some kind. Fill your mind. When it is empty there is too much room for negativity to creep in.

mariana Mon 18-May-15 21:14:48

Hi Elegran. No, I do not need people around to me to stop me thinking about myself as such, but to stop me thinking about my ex. I had 10 years on my own before he came along and I was fine. But trying to deal with everything on my own has been very difficult. I have been in touch with Silverline and Samaritans, but had not thought about volunteering, but when I feel stronger, I may well look into that, I do loads of crafts, and read a lot.
I find it quite difficult to listen to music at the moment. Too many reminders of my ex. But I am sure I will in time.

Thank you for your comments and advice.