Struggling with Church.

Try reading Richard Rohr, a brilliant writer and a Franciscan. His writing is inspirational and answers many questions on belief and religion.
As a grown up I had to re examine my own beliefs in a grown up way and question what I had been brought up with. This is better done with a spiritual advisor as it’s not an easy journey but worth it in the end.
Specially recommended is ‘falling upward’ - a look at the first and the second half of our lives.

It is all about being at peace with yourself and the way you live. Buddhism is not a religion as such...It is a way of life. Sending peace to you. You will find the answer.

I would thank your elder for their offer and decline it. Say that you are no longer a member of the church. thank them for their support in the past. And wish them all well.

I don't see any reason to talk about your new way forward.

The whole of life is a journey, and we should be open to change throughout. Leaving the church shouldn’t be the point where you stop asking question and stop growing. It may be that further thought, reading, exploration etc may take you back to some form of organised religion, or it may take you further away. If you found Dawkins convincing, there’s plenty of room for thought in Alister McGrath’s book ‘The Dawkins Delusion’, for example. If you find Buddhist spirituality helpful, try meditating regularly to help develop that, or explore other paths with a similar direction, for example a Quaker meeting.

If your church is very dogmatic and rule-bound, then it may well be helpful at present to avoid intense discussion with an elder whose aim is to bring you back in. But over time, you’ll probably be able to discuss and agree to disagree - don’t lose friends over this.

I'm afraid that indoctrination from a young age is very difficult to free yourself from. That may be why Londonwifi you cannot break away cleanly.

Hilarybee the same can be said of an athesist upbringing.
I think you should be free to do whatever you like London wifi and have faith in your own feelings, so I don't really have any opinion of whether you should meet with the elder or not. I would say that you could read Alistair Mcgrath, I think called 'The Dawkins Delusion', and also debates with him and Dawkins on you tube are good. I am a church going Christian,and love it. The people I go to church with are open about doubt and always open to debate. You do not have an obligation to any church and I wish you all the best.

If you have made your decision then there is nothing to discuss. I would be worried if you met the elder that they might try and persuade you to stay with the church, and they may have a lot of arguments to support them in this, which you might not feel able to counter. If it was me I wouldn't meet with them.

We left our church two years ago. Church elders still turn up on our doorstep unannounced, but this week we just said we were too busy to see them. It’s liberating to get away from a religious group that imposed lots of rules on us. Just say no to the invitation to meet and enjoy your life the way you want to without any guilt.

If you have thought long & hard over this decision I would say meet with the Elder to end the relationship with the Church in a good way so that you can move on.
Are you worried that she may try to change your mind? I would still listen to what she has to say but be prepared with your answers in response

I was raised in a similar way to you London but didn’t go as far as getting baptised etc. I made a clean break when I left home to train as a nurse. I had always questioned the beliefs that the church I attended as a child but never spoke about this to my parents or any one else in the church When I think back to that time I feel that as I was always brought up with Christian beliefs it’s like being brainwashed, the beliefs are internalised as a small child and therefore extremely difficult to get rid of. Whenever I meet any one with Christian beliefs the old feelings come back to me. I just have to cope with that and say to myself that I’m an adult now and have different beliefs to what I was raised with. If you feel strong enough mentally to cope with the feelings that will arise if you do meet someone from the church do so,if not don’t. Born again Christians have an answer for every doubt you may have though!

I found that other people's attitude can affect your beliefs but no one, but no one can tell you what to actually believe.
I was brought up a Christian, baptised, confirmed, ex Sunday School teacher. Husband was a non believer.
When I moved to Australia , the times I went to church were few and far between - we were often away at weekends seeing my father in law who lived 3 hours away and until we moved into a flat there was no church nearby.
But I still held on to the belief, as one of my previous vicars had said that you don't have to be in a church to worship.
When my marriage broke up and I returned home to the UK, I went to the usual morning service and the way I was spoken to and treated by not only the vicar (who had married my ex and myself) was pretty wrong. When they asked how long I was home for and I said for good due to the fact that my marriage had broken down, their attitude varied from astonishment to one woman literally drawing away as if I was a leper. Only 2 members of the congregation came up to me later and said that if I needed anyone to talk to, to just pop round !. Since then, I have only gone to church if an occasion demands it.
If you are comfortable in what you now believe, by all means meet up with the elder and state your case but be prepared to have to justify why you feel this is right for you.

Unfortunately something happened when posting my previous comment and some of it was omitted. I will try again. Like Londonwifi I attended Sunday School and when I married my Catholic husband I went to the local Catholic church with him. Our two children were brought up as Catholics. But when my husband died I did not want to go to our local church because I did not like the priest. He refused to visit my very ill husband in his nursing home as it was outside his area. Since then I have cut back on going to church as I feel that other people there may judge me. One said "You should go to Church because of Jesus, not because of the priest. " I go about once a month now and it all seems irrelevant. I do believe in a way as I say my prayers every night and watch "Songs on Sunday" on TV.

I have been an atheist since my teens (now 63.) Around that time my basic common sense and logic told me that the idea of gods (any gods) is a human construct and superstition. Atheism is a great freedom. So congratulations. Having said that, I do allow others to have their own beliefs, but to me it is very misguided and a bit sad that so many people spend their whole lives bowing down to something that "almost certainly" does not exist.

eagleswings ditto

Don't let Richard Dawkins rob you of your salvation Londonwifi. There are many scientists who believe in God and Frances Collins became a believer when head of the Human Genome project. His book The Language of God explains why.

Oh Londonwifi - how I feel for you. My mother belonged to the Plymouth Brethren and her father was an Elder. As a concession my sister and I were 'allowed' (made) to go to the Methodist Church but there were so many mixed messages that after many years my wife and I finished up going nowhere. A friend asked us if we had considered becoming Catholic, a suggestion that would have horrified my mother had she still been alive and we found that you can't just decide that you're a Catholic, you have to go on a Journey Into Faith course.
We went to one meeting where a very kind priest told us that there would be no persuading or coercion - all that would happen is that we would be told what they believe and then make our own minds up.
To shorten a long story, we loved it. It virtually amounted to going back to basics and six months later we were accepted into the Catholic Church.
Sadly my wife is no longer able to go due to Alzheimers but , 10 years on, I still go to Mass every week and someone administers the Eucharist to my wife at her care home on a regular basis.
I wish you well in your search for what is best for you but I found peace and comfort with no 'hard sell' within the Catholic church and it's certainly worth a try with no obligation.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I am not sure if you have completely lost faith or if you feel you are in the wrong denomination. If you have always got on well with the Elder you could tell her you are in the wrong place but there is no obligation to do so and if you want to turn to Buddism or any other belief you are absolutely free to do so here.

Maybe the elder can help you to make a clean break and wish you well.

If for any reason you feel unable to discuss the Church with your elder I think you should politely decline the invitation.

I enjoy discussing religion , even with Jehovah's Witnesses. I have been what most people would call an 'atheist' for about forty years, and before that I paid no attention to religions of any sort. But that is just me.
I send you my best wishes for your future spiritual adventures. If there were such a being as God then He would much prefer you to be a sincere searcher than a mindless follower or a hypocrite

I would be wary of being swayed by Richard Dawkins. He has his own agenda (making money from selling his books for one thing). He does not know everything and does not have all the answers, and a good scientist would admit to that. Perhaps keep an open mind. We're all searching for truth I think and being immersed in the wonders of creation, as you seem to be, is a good place to find it.

'Equally valid' SirC - exactly right. For instance, I don't believe, but have always believed in the belief of others.

Why would you pray about when religion isn’t something you want in your life? I don’t believe in gods but I don’t wish that others wish a faith could ‘unfind’ their god - I just accept that some people have a faith and others don’t, some choose to start believing, others choose to stop believing - and all are equally valid. God doesn’t ‘have’ you.

I would pray about it. We are Christians, but haven’t been to church for 8 years. It’s not always the right place to be, particularly if you’re surrounded by arrogant, judgmental Christians. Is this something you identify with? Do you feel comfortable with this elder? Remember Richard Dawkins said, “ there is almost certainly is no God”. So he wasn’t sure. I wish you all the best, and pray you find God again. Remember, the Bible says once He has you he will never let you go.

If your elder is someone you feel comfortable with and often talk to, then you it might be helpful. However, if you are already having doubts about speaking to them I presume it is not that kind of relationship. Therefore I would just not bother.

You have made your own decision, and I expect as it is fairly recent you may not feel able to explain things properly to a third person. Church attendance is not compulsory and if you should meet or be contacted by any members of your church you can simply say that you need a break from attendance for a while.

Maybe an email to the elder along the lines of "thanks for your concern, I will certainly get in touch if I feel it would be helpful. Thank you for your help/time over the past few years".

Thank you everyone for your responses. It’s good to see things from the outside as it were.