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Religion/spirituality

Have you given up going to church but used to attend ?

(119 Posts)
Floradora9 Tue 04-Oct-22 20:45:03

In our town of 6,000 or so people we used to have lots of churches but they are slowly closing . I cannot say it upsets me because I feel they have outlived their time . I went to church every week as a child not with my parents but with an aunt . I joined the church and was a Sunday School teacher and was married in the same church . After we had children we went to church most weeks and sent the children off to Sunday school and they maintained their link with the same chuch until going off to university. We moved house and I went to church in the new place for a time but found it so unwelcoming and disliked the minister's attitude so much that we severed all links with it . I do not know how churches keep going with the same old forula of services with nothing to attract young people . I feel those running food banks , Samaritans etc. are doing far more good than those attending church but doing no good for the comunity. I felt a real sense of community at one time in our church but no longer .

Musicgirl Sat 08-Oct-22 00:01:39

I am a practising Christian. Church has been a big part of my life all my life. Christianity is about love and hope and l am sorry so many people have been put off it.

Witzend Fri 07-Oct-22 22:32:27

Except for weddings, funerals and Christmas Carol services, I haven’t set foot in a church* since being confirmed in my teens - and that was really a social thing, in the days of Sundays being so deadly with everything closed - at least I met a few friends for the Sunday comfirmation session before Evensong.

I’m an agnostic I suppose, and TBH if there was a really lovely old church nearby, like the one near a dd (she doesn’t go) I might go for the peaceful atmosphere and hymn singing - I still love a lot of the old hymns. Readings from the King James Bible would be good too. I know I have have no right to an opinion, but I hate the trite modern version - the old language is (to me) infinitely preferable.

*I do sometimes use the cafe in our town centre church though - lovely and peaceful when the shops and streets are hectic - especially around Christmas time. Beautiful stained glass, too.

Menna Fri 07-Oct-22 22:18:40

I find comfort in much of traditional religion and believe in God. I am Church of England. I find it very sad when many clergy ignore the rich heritage and traditions of the christian faith which many have found helpful.

However, I believe the Church of England has got above itself. I don't believe in state religion, bishops in Parliament etc. It is clear the CofE is top heavy.

The recent news about sex abuse by clergy and the appalling way bishops have played it down to save their reputation really shocks me. I will support the local church but never the Church of England as an institution beyond the parish.

Mallin Fri 07-Oct-22 21:49:55

Religion is daft.

Edge26 Fri 07-Oct-22 21:42:13

I went to Church as a child. I am like a few of you where I prefer the old traditional hymns rather than the modern ones. My local church has a more modern service which puts me off from going.

CanadianGran Fri 07-Oct-22 21:19:43

I was raised Catholic; went to Catholic school (although no nuns or uniforms, it was quite progressive) and mass regularly. Dad never went, but we went with Mum. Although religious, she disagreed with many teachings of the church, and we had discussions about it. Their thoughts on divorce, birth control etc. was questioned. I agree.

I brought my kids to mass, and they all did their communion and confirmation, but after that I left it up to them. None of them attend mass. I do not attend either, for the above reasons. I have sat through some sermons thinking if I was brave enough, I should just get up and walk out. We've had some priests that I really didn't like, and I don't think they were good men.

So I guess I am a believer in a higher being, but not necessarily as the bible tells us, nor do I believe 'the Church' should make all the rules for morality, when they have done so much wrong in the past.

But I do take comfort in being in a beautiful church, and communal singing of hymns. Don't know if that makes any sense.

fluttERBY123 Fri 07-Oct-22 20:54:32

I went till I left home. After some time I went back. Wherever was the book of common.prayer, the King James bible? Why all the handshaking when I went for some spiritual space? Have not been.back.

Wyllow3 Fri 07-Oct-22 19:27:39

And they were wrong, wrong, wrong.

Caleo Fri 07-Oct-22 19:21:17

I have thought and studied God and the history of God and dislike that sort of Supreme Being, and think He is potentially a dangerous idea .

Colonisation of other people's lands, slavery, and genocide have all been ratified by God.

Wyllow3 Fri 07-Oct-22 18:53:30

I was brought up a strong atheist/humanist.

I attended the school assembly, our headteacher taught love not judgment. Despite my upbringing, I loved the hymns and listened to the readings. The school choir, one year, did a production of the Messiah. I cried when I sung it sometimes but didnt know why. Everyday we said the Lord's Prayer and there was a lot of " The lord is my Shepard". ( and a bit too much of St Paul telling me what to do especially wives obey your husbands.)

I didn't go on a search. But when I was about 34 I found myself singing the hymns I'd learnt at school. I could never believe that "God" was a sort of person, who had the power to intervene in our personal lives, nor life after death.

It was a feeling, a feeling of something in my heart, something in us yet beyond us too, the spiritual at work.

So I hied me to the local C of E church. It could never have worked for me, because of the the creed. I was also very familiar with alternative faith ways like meditation and studying texts like the Upanishads and the Tao Te Ching.

Not surprisingly therefore I took myself off to a Quaker Meeting for Worship, (I'd met Quakers in the Peace Movement in the 1960's as my parents were involved with Quakers on that).......sitting quietly on a circle waiting on each other in love and if someone gave ministry, which could be personal, a poem, a reading fro the Bible or the Quaker handbook written over 400 years Quaker Faith and Practice. I felt like coming home.
I know Quaker who does not have a commitment to faith in action (unless illness gets in the way or you are one of the few called to a mystical life.

If I wish to bear you up in my thoughts I will say (as appropriate of course) "I am holding you in the Light" We have no creed, no ministers, and women have always had a strong role.

After my Christian start school wise, I find myself often drawn to the music and texts it has engendered, but not solely that. Quaker views vary greatly, but one of our key ideas is to be open to the Light from wherever we find it. We are searchers.

Kryptonite Fri 07-Oct-22 18:09:03

The church has been a constant all my life, and I can't imagine life without it. We also have a food bank in the church and have unity with other churches in the town. We also try to help those in need and collect for good causes. But it has been noticeable that some people have not returned to church since lockdown. All Masses are live streamed too, but that is supposed to be for the housebound now. There is a sad shortage of youngsters. I don't know what the answer is there. It is a pity not to have some sort of spiritual life, I think.

Kate1949 Fri 07-Oct-22 18:03:23

We used to have to go to confession every Thursday ready for Holy Communion on Friday. Sometimes, I had no sins to confess so I would make one up,as I knew the priest wouldn't believe me. I would then add 'I told a lie' and the priest would absolve me and send me off to do my penance, three Hail Marys or whatever. So in effect, the church taught me to lie.

Keffie12 Fri 07-Oct-22 18:00:31

Floradora9

In our town of 6,000 or so people we used to have lots of churches but they are slowly closing . I cannot say it upsets me because I feel they have outlived their time . I went to church every week as a child not with my parents but with an aunt . I joined the church and was a Sunday School teacher and was married in the same church . After we had children we went to church most weeks and sent the children off to Sunday school and they maintained their link with the same chuch until going off to university. We moved house and I went to church in the new place for a time but found it so unwelcoming and disliked the minister's attitude so much that we severed all links with it . I do not know how churches keep going with the same old forula of services with nothing to attract young people . I feel those running food banks , Samaritans etc. are doing far more good than those attending church but doing no good for the comunity. I felt a real sense of community at one time in our church but no longer .

You do realise that Christianity is the umbrella of the churches that run the services you about? See below

Foodbanks = Trussel group (Christian)

Debt support and help CAP (Christians Against Poverty)

REFLECT (Christian Church umbrella, advisory and support with crisis pregnancy)

Dayspring CBT under the Christian Church umbrella

RESTORE: It has varying names in other places. Supported housing/generic to stop
vulnerable people being homeless

Generic: most churches have other support groups and ancillary groups.

Our church is about serving the community. Many are today. There are still certainly churches stuck in the main stream Christian way.

Our Church is an independent. My faith is Omnist (truth and truthes in all) and unconventional

Mine is of the perennial tradition before Henry the VIII. This is based on the mystics and desert father's. Through the inner life not man made control. Fr Richard Rohr is one of the best speakers on this who is a Franciscan monk

Essentially my faith started with 12 step spirituality 20 years ago, which led me into the Christian centre I'm a member of.

Fortunately I'm allowed to explore and find what works for me in my Christian fellowship.

I live a spiritual life listening to much from Christian, Buddhism, psychology and non duality. Faith is not straightforward black and white

CBBL Fri 07-Oct-22 17:39:30

I used to go to Church regularly. As my husband became more disabled, our attendance grew less, though we still had home Communion.
I miss the hymns and the traditional C of E services, and since we have recently separated, I might look at going to Church again. Much will depend on the welcome (or otherwise) I receive.

Marthersmassivemilkers Fri 07-Oct-22 17:38:14

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Blinko Fri 07-Oct-22 17:32:33

I went to church regularly till I was about 20 then thought ‘What is this all about?’ I guess I subscribe to the basic tenets of Christianity (and most of the major religions, it must be said) but can’t go along with the mythology.

Nor do I agree with the church’s elevated position in modern society. It just doesn’t fit, somehow.

homefarm Fri 07-Oct-22 17:25:05

we attended our local village church for over 40 years, choir members, family weddings, funerals and more until we got a new vicar. Dreadful man, who incidentally is no longer in the church. The latest one is equally unwelcoming and very happy clappy, not interesyed in the older members of the congregation at all. All sense of community lost. Very sad.

Treetops05 Fri 07-Oct-22 17:21:18

Absolutely, I was a reader at my old church, moved with a letter of recommendation, but was totally ignored and the services were so cold and uncaring I sadly gave up.

I recently heard that the new Vicar asked his Diocese to allow his church to forgo their tithe- which helps poorer churches, as his church was 'doing very well thankyou' and shouldn't have to support less successful churches! Not my idea of Christianity

welbeck Fri 07-Oct-22 17:00:07

thanks for that sandelf.

Harmonypuss Fri 07-Oct-22 16:51:06

Bloody, bloody, bloody.... I hate autocorrect..... Soon after, not sin after

Harmonypuss Fri 07-Oct-22 16:48:48

As a child I was forced to go to church, Sunday school, confirmation classes and was eventually confirmed into an Anglican/Methodist Church.
Sin after, I learned about Darwin and evolution which seems far more believable as we can see how creatures have evolved but people coming back from the dead (except with medical intervention) really isn't possible. So I ripped up my bible and confirmation certificate and have never set foot on church grounds since and most definitely not inside a church and i have no intention whatsoever over ever doing so again.

sandelf Fri 07-Oct-22 15:53:08

I go now when I did not previously. DH had cancer, treatment - arduous, life endangering of itself. I do not have local family and few close friends. KNEW I could not cope with holding him up, all the admin of life and stay sane - but that there was no choice but to do just that. Tried to have some activity daily that was not focussed on medical things. One day on a walk, thought I'd go into our local (ancient and beautiful) church - locked - but a simple Icon picture in the porch - helped me. I suddenly realised it's not a set of rules - just the hope (only hope - no certainty) you are not entirely alone. We have a great treasure in our historic buildings, bells, music, liturgy. Imagine it all being gone - support it if you can. It just helps me be a little better than I otherwise am.

singingnutty Fri 07-Oct-22 15:40:28

I went to a Baptist church twice on Sundays and Sunday School as well when young and living at home. I was baptised and confirmed in the C of E in my mid twenties, and went to services. However, husband does not have any faith having been brought up in a mixed marriage (gentile and Jewish) and his parents had agreed not to practice any religion for that reason. He, however, is strongly principled and in all aspects of his life tries to help other people. I do not attend church now because I realised when my FIL died that I do not believe in life after death (not in the sense of Heaven anyway), and that seems rather central to believing through a religion. However, I do have faith and believe that there is a power beyond our direct knowledge which is shaping our existence. Earlier posters have mentioned the difference between faith and religion and that makes sense to me..

GreenGran78 Fri 07-Oct-22 15:37:23

I started out as a Methodist, because some local children asked if they could take me to Sunday School. My parents weren't churchgoers, but probably enjoyed the hour's peace and quiet. I continued until I left school, mainly because I enjoyed the singing.
When I met my husband to be, who was RC I became interested, and eventually joined the church, with no pressure from him. My parents were very bigoted against Catholics, and only grudgingly came to the wedding.
I attended Mass regularly, though our children all dropped away in their teens, and sang in the choir. In recent years I began to have doubts, but continued attending because I loved the music. When Covid stopped me from attending I began to realise that my beliefs have become more agnostic than Christian, and I no longer go to Mass. I think that, for most people, it's just a weekly habit which has little relevance in their daily lives.
Urmstongran summed up her attitude perfectly, and I feel the same way. Actions speak louder than words, and I try to do my best for our community.
The church leaders who do the same impress me more than the ones you only see on Sundays. Our local Vicar(ess) has just raised £1,500 for her Church's foodbank by abseiling down the Cathedral in Liverpool. Now THAT'S what I call religion in action!

Sawsage2 Fri 07-Oct-22 15:13:36

Went Sunday school and church every Sunday. Lost faith for a while when teenager but I like to go to church every few weeks (I'm disabled) to pray, it's so peaceful there.