Bereavement support from churches

PamelaJ1

Our vicar is run off his feet and can only give support to those who ask for it. When help is asked for on an individual or family basis then he gives it. If our parish is typical then the regular congregation is very small, known to each other and we support each other if necessary.
Perhaps an annual remembrance service would be a good idea but do those who don’t normally attend church want it?
So many rural parish’s are part of a benefice that can include manny other churches for the vicar to care for. Ours at the moment, in his position as rural dean, is responsible for 17!

Why is it only the vicar who can provide this support?

I don't think it matters who attends a memorial service- the church should be open for everyone and not just the regulars- it isn't a club lol!

I thought many churches now hold an All Souls Service, in early November, to remember those who have died.

It can be for those who have died many years ago or our church invites the families of anyone who has died in the past year, candles are given and names are read out.

Usually a full church.

Our vicar is run off his feet and can only give support to those who ask for it. When help is asked for on an individual or family basis then he gives it. If our parish is typical then the regular congregation is very small, known to each other and we support each other if necessary.
Perhaps an annual remembrance service would be a good idea but do those who don’t normally attend church want it?
So many rural parish’s are part of a benefice that can include manny other churches for the vicar to care for. Ours at the moment, in his position as rural dean, is responsible for 17!

My church is small with only 70 members so we all know each other pretty well and assist where needed. Often providing casseroles and we always pray weekly for specific people who are not well ( with their permission). I also belong to a small study group within this church so we also pray and offer assistance if we can.

It's also important to have peer support groups, in this instance I'm referring to the loss of a son or daughter in the prime of life. When a young person loses their life far too soon, before their lives have really got going, it seems from experience that only those who have walked the same path can provide the support needed, together. Rabbi Jonathan Romain spoke about his tragic loss on Radio 2 just last week. He had for years supported other families - and then tragically lost his own son to a drowning accident aged 34 when he was on his honeymoon. The young man's father spoke so well and it's true that there are no words to describe someone who loses a child - not like when you lose parents and become an orphan. Or a spouse and become a widow. There are no words. All sad in their own way. Maybe churches could organise peer support networks in regional areas.

We host a memorial service for all those that have died in the previous year. We have it in November close to remembrance day. It is a lovely service and everyone is welcome to bring up a candle and also take one home, as well as a sprig of rosemary for remembrance.
I was once asked to read out the list of names, it is very moving.
I think it is a great thing to do.
I have been in parishes where they had bereavement groups but not everyone wants this level of intrusion.

Our church has a Service of Hope around the start of Advent for anyone who has been bereaved. There is also a new bereavement group which is planning to meet regularly. Our minister is said to be good at doing bereavement visits and she does very personal funerals.

I'm unsure as to what our church offers as I've never been due to my opinion that our vicar is about as Christian as my big toe. And even if it did offer any kind of bereavement counselling, she would the last person I'd go to, even if I was on my own. Many, many people have left the church because of her 'attitude' and for those who truly do have any kind of faith it's a shame. A friend of mine goes to her services regularly (though I don't know why because she does nothing but grizzle about them!) and tells me said Vicar's focus is waving her arms around in Hallelujas and asking for money (and even praying Direct Debits will go through 🙄). So no, it's not for me. Apologies for the digression!!

That said, I worked at a hospice as a chef and the chaplain there is amazing. He brings enormous comfort to both staff and patients and every year (as there is throughout the 'charity') there is a Lights of Love service where those who have died can be remembered. It is a most beautiful service, taken with great care, compassion, love and remembrance. I try to go every year, even though I left work there three years ago.

That is so sad, Primrose; I know the pandemic made everything more difficult.

Not bereavement as such, but one of the best series of meetings I went to in another church, not my own, was a kind of preparation for our older years. It was not intended for those about to retire, but a bit further down the road, covering things like finances: Pension Credit, Attendance Allowance, Equity release, the cost of care, funeral plans; and legal stuff like making a will, PoA. Health, diet, well- being, social life, spiritual support etc. It was very well done, with knowledgeable speakers.
I dipped my toe into a bereavement group at another church. I am not sure I want to go again, as although it is good to talk on a one-to-one basis, I prefer to be amongst groups of people where bereavement is not the main focus.
There is nothing specific at my own church. Our priest is lovely and led a beautiful burial service for my DH but she has a really heavy workload and does not have the time for extended or extensive support. We don’t seem to have a team to share the workload.

My Mother spent all her adult life helping her church. cleaning, fundraising, sewing altar cloths, arranging flowers, making coffee and giving small donations which she could ill afford. My Dad used to say she might as well take her bed up there! She was a devout Catholic.

When she became ill and went into a care home just one lady visited regularly and a few sent Christmas cards the first year she was there.

I know it was the pandemic when she passed away but we could not even get a Priest to come to the care home. I did manage to get a lady to come and give her Communion every fortnight.Exactly the same thing happened to my Aunt who also spent her life at the same Church.

Yes a special service to remember those we have lost and regular support from the Vicar and his amazing team. We are truly blessed to have a wonderful church family in our lives.

Our group of churches does nothing either.
Something to think about. Thanks.

Our church is situated in a very small community so the types of support mentioned wouldn't be appropriate.

What we do - members of the PCC, churchwardens, vicar (we're without one at present) - is to visit the bereaved regularly, especially at first and if they're alone. I have 3 houses that I visit at present. The personal touch works well for us.

Nothing at all.

Our church has a weekly meeting for bereavement support. Tomorrow evening, we're attending a memorial service for a very dear friend we lost this year, which has been organised by the funeral directors who looked after her and others.