Private messaging

I have just posted on the original thread and won't repeat myself, other than to say that I hope any misunderstandings can be resolved and to apologise for any hurt my remarks may have caused. I feel great empathy for Greatnan's situation as I have experienced similar heartache. I did not intend any offence to anyone.

greatnan yes, correct, I am new, well a month or so. One thing I have found quite confusing is remembering who's who. Pretty much all there is to go on is a name, there are no physical clues as if real life (and I find remembering who's who there difficult too!)

Given that, what I was saying, is there is tremendous potential to be hurt over an innocent remark. There are a lot of members and a lot to remember and also a heck of a lot with similar names. I don't think anyone comes on here with the intention of causing hurt to others but you raised, what was for you, an incredibly emotive subject. I saw the remark jo made this morning about you perhaps needing reassurance. Maybe there's a hint of truth in that. I can't imagine the pain and distress you've been through but in what is, after all, an Internet forum there is potential for hurt and this might not help you.

I don't think your PMs were nasty but they were designed to cause Jo and Nonu to feel guilty. Maybe you need that but I don't think it's fair to others.

Now you have confused me, Ana, as you told jingle her comment was neither helpful nor accurate, and you showed your distaste for Nonu's post.

But the thread was called 'Is there such a thing as a perfect mother'. It could have applied to any of us, and so could jingl's post. I thought it was a general, open thread inviting our views.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me such kind and sympathetic pms - I will try to reply to them all individually.

Sel - you are, I think, a new member, but jingle certainly knows a great deal about my daughter's problems as I have posted about them very often on the Denied Contact thread. So does Nonu.
I am not sure how I could have interpreted their remarks as anything but hurtful.

Greatnan you're obviously in a lot of pain about the situation past and present with your daughter. I'm not sure how though, you can expect everyone to know that and therefore temper their remarks accordingly.

I've never seen Nonu or Jo being nasty. You did start the thread and I for one could have jumped if with a comment without knowing your personal history and you would perhaps have considered that too light. Humour is part of many peoples' lives, often as a way of coping with serious issues.

We're all different - try not to let the more irreverent amongst us, upset you or think that your interpretation of a remark is irrefuteably the correct one.

I hope the pain improves for you and send you

Oh dear - implying nastiness in a pm on a public forum is underhand. GNHQ is there to deal with such matters. Greatnan should not have been pressured into feeling she needed to defend herself publicly. Let GNHQ moderate your complaint Jingle

Whether or not you dislike the contents of a private message, that's what it is - private - and should be kept between two people.

Personally I would prefer it if there wasn't any "unpleasantness" (as mentioned in the OP) anywhere either on the forums or in PM's.

I think that there is nothing wrong with having a different point of view on a topic, or disagreeing with another member, but when it gets to the level of insulting or belittling people I find it offensive and unnecessary.

Here is the pm I sent to jingle in response to her comment about choosing the right father for your children and just loving them enough being sufficient to stop them going astray. I leave people to judge for themselves whether my pm was nasty.

I know we have not always seen eye to eye, but I really would appreciate it if you did not make such hurtful comments about my relationship with my daughter. She is very likely going to suffer liver failure or a heart attack in the next few years. I am afraid I do not think it is a subject for your usual 'banter'.
Greatnan

I sent a similar pm to Nonu - I hoped I could prevent them saying any more hurtful things on the open forum.

j05 life is too short and too busy for that sort of nonsense. This is an internet forum for goodness sake although at times it seems like a school playground The potential to upset is huge - interpretation of the written word etc. From the short time I've been a member it's obvious that some members like to keep things their way and heaven help you if you deviate. Crikey, I may get a nasty PM now Just delete it jo

I have had some very nice private messages from Gransnetters reinforcing an introduced thread or something I've said and they've agreed upon.
Maybe someone wanted to remark on something you said, if you feel you've been unfairly treated then report it to Gransnet. Maybe reflect upon any comments you've made that are perhaps inflammatory. Not having go just trying to help.

That's nasty J05! I hope whoever it is reads this thread and is thoroughly ashamed of themselves. I've only had really nice PMs from lovely GNs. I suppose an explanatory one would be OK but to be unpleasant smacks of cyber bullying!

Thanks Barrow. Just one poster wanting to continue things privately. I don't want that.

Oh dear, I'm sorry if you have been getting nasty PMs. I really hope Gransnet doesn't become like a lot of forums and taken over by t****s