Why!

Sounds like you joined at a bad time. Feelings are running very high and some of the Grans have strong opinions. The forum reflects life and we don't all agree. Stick to the 'nice' threads and avoid the political ones. I'm tempted to say 'if you can't stand the heat keep out of the kitchen' but you might not think that was very nice

I am guessing you may have been reading some of the political threads. In my opinion, there is 'room for all' on GN. As long as site rules are not broken. Soops kitchen is a lovely thread where people are kind, generous and supportive. There are some other threads that are informative, and supportive also. You will find there are more aggressive threads where people voice their opinions forcefully and on occasion, get carried away so take a swipe at an opinion. But it takes all sorts, and the world would be a very dull place, again, in my opinion, if we were all the same. Stepford wives. I'm not condoning, for one moment, bad language (if you read some of my previous posts, you will see I am very against it) but a bit of healthy, if heated discussion does go on. And please remember, you don't have to read it. You can always go to another thread and find something else. I hope you will continue to join in and enjoy but avoid the posts you find distasteful. Welcome btw!

GNHQ don't step in unless absolutely necessary, it is mainly a self-moderating site.

If you object to a post you can report it, and GNHQ will take a look and act however they think fit.

Maybe you should wait a bit and get a feel of Gransnet before criticising posters and/or the way the threads are moderated?

Jane10, oh Im avoiding the heat lol...I might get burnt!

Breeze, thankyou for the welcome.

Merlotgran, I wasnt criticising as you think I was just merely making an observation being a new member!

The moderators keep out of it unless a specific post is reported to them as breaking the guidelines - and even then they don't always condemn that poster and delete the post if others seem to be quite able to stand up for themselves.

I'd say that there are very few places where a poster actually jumps in expressly to be nasty - sometimes somebody has read a whole thread through and they have something to say which seems to them to be relevant. Then sometimes there is a running feud between two posters who take every chance to disagree, or a poster takes personal offence at a post which wasn't aimed at them and hits out, which then makes whoever posted it defend themselves against what seems an attack on them.

There is no obligation to read exchanges which upset you.
The best course is to avoid conversations that are getting over-heated and to return to them an hour or two later, when it has all blown over.

Just like real life, in fact.

The "report" button is on the strip above each post, between the "add comment" button and the "private message" button, if you haven't found it yet. All reports are acknowledged and taken notice of, though they don't always result in any action.

As with Jane10 the words heat & kitchen spring to mind.

A little verbal sparring is healthy and we all have different opinions which we want to get over to others.

Enjoy the calmer threads that abound on GN.

Well. I could write a whole essay Mumsy.

You may have noticed for example that I have my very own someone who follows me around.

The site is actually getting worse as regards tone, but mainly it is on the news and politics threads.
If everything got reported on there, gransnet would literally not do anything much else each day but delete posts.

Not sure what should be done really.

I would like them to sort out.

What a very strange way to join a forum. "Hi, I've joined but I don't like this forum so will you change it just for me".

Weird.

Did we not have a newby recently who wanted to change us. I seem to remember that it ran to several pages with most of us resenting a new person wanting us to change. Hhmmm.

It was that newby's thread that ran and ran!

Gracesgran, no need to put words in my mouth! I never said anything like that! I never said I didnt like the site or me wanting to change it!!!
Weird!!!!!

Think you inferred GN's should change the way they posted as you were not happy with it.
Agree to differ and move on

I think most people DO think before they post, mumsy. Those on the political threads have very strong opinions and find links and articles to back them up. Others disagree and say so. A few people don't like the "robust debate" but keep reading it, and posting their two-pennorth, and them feel got at when someone disagrees with THEM. It only seems personal when it is personal bias which is being rejected.

I have seen your posts on a few threads, and some of them are threads which have been going for a long time but not changing. I refer particularly to one where several posters are in the same ongoing emotional situation, and act as a support for one another. Things don't seem to get any better for them, and from time to time new posters join and see the same stuff going round and round, and think they will inject a different viewpoint. If this is not put in the most diplomatic of terms, all hell breaks loose, tempers flare, and it soon becomes overheated. Seasoned posters know better than to "interfere" as the regulars call it. In the past a lot of us have tried to suggest new approaches but had our noses bitten off.

I think what I am trying to say here is - don't take the few as being representative of all, and don't assume that it is always spite which makes some posts a bit sharp!

Please think before you post

I never said I didnt like the site or me wanting to change it!!!
Weird!!!!!

it does sound a bit as if you would like things to change and would like posters to change their attitudes mumsy
I have changed - I think I have developed a thicker skin!

Sometimes things come across a bit differently when they are in a post than they might if you were face to face with someone. Intonation, variations in dialect, facial expressions all make a difference and are absent or misunderstood in a post.

I too am fairly new to the site. I tend to read rather than post my own opinions but my very first post on the long distance Grandparenting thread was answered by a very kind personal message, which was much appreciated. In contrast I was surprised by the tone of some of the posts. Perhaps it is the nature of anonymous internet forums - even a gardening site (the only other one I look at) has the occasional rather nasty disagreement!
If members are looking for support/advice it is a pity if we upset them further.

Indeed it is a pity to upset people - but if no-one ever posted anything that had even the faintest chance of upsetting someone, the site would be so boring that it would fade away.

With so many posts from people of different views and backgrounds, there are bound to be some which grate. You have to learn to ask yourself whether it was a deliberate attempt to cause trouble or just a rather strong expression of a view you don't agree with, and also whether stepping in with either a counter-attack or a complaint is likely to make things worse.

Also - people have different "upset levels" - most posters take a bit of argument in their stride but some people are offended very easily, others take general remarks as being directed specifically at them, some fire up at what they think is an insult to someone else, even when that person wasn't bothered by it.

Christinefrance, as I said previouly I was merely making an observation! not as you state 'inferring' that gransnet should change . ( I am new to forums )

Elegran , unsure of what particular thread you are reffering to? the threads Ive come across that are 'heated! Ive not posted on! Ive not made that many posts having only been on the site a couple of days.

Jamila, yes I agree that the 'written word' can come across differently to the spoken word and be misunderstood. Bit like my original post

Thank you all for your input its much appreciated being a newbie on a forum, hopefully it wont take too long for me to settle in.

Take care, take a pinch of salt and enjoy.

Nope, Mumsy. Your post was both critical of how current members post and of the moderators, reproving all and lecturing us on how we should behave.

That's fine if that's your style but expect quite serious replies from the members who feel they are being admonished as it does seem a little hypocritical in its content.

Welcome Mumsy, as you can see, you'll need alot of cake for this lot

thankyou LullyDully and Goonsuch.

Your interpretation gracesgran not mine!

Mumsy:

I have to ask why some posters feel the need to disrupt some threads with vile comments !?
How else do I read this other than you accusing members of making vile comments? An example would help so that we can all decide for ourselves if such comments are actually 'vile'. That is a pretty strong accusation for someone who is, in your own words 'new on gransnet'

what enjoyment or pleasure do these posters get in slating other posters !?
It appears you have already decided that posters get pleasure in 'slating' other members. Where, what did they say?

is it bravado because they hide behind a computer screen !? wheres the respect and empathy towards other posters? Mmm ... Who is doing the slating in this sentence?

Please think before you post and ask yourself how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot!!
I think calling this 'lecturing' sums it up. What would you call it?

Why arent the moderators stepping in to stop things from esculating ?
When you have been here for a little longer you may stop criticising the mods and realise how well they balance the need to delete the odd post and the need to allow the conversation to flow.

You may ask why I am replying to your post - simple - I like GN and think it works, not perfectly but pretty well.