Why!

I am sure OP would not want this to descend into an argy bargy in the way a previous "newbie" seemed bent on creating dissent. I can't remember what her name was and presumably she is long gone but light blue touch paper might have been a good name for her!
So can we just accept that mumsy was initially taken aback somewhat by what one might charitably call "robust" discussion and assure her that we are pussy cats really an amazing source of advice, support and comfort when the chips are down.

I don't think I was so confident or critical as a newbie. But then, I thought 'if I don't like it, I don't have to look any more' or 'I don't have to look at threads I don't like or that make me uneasy'.

Compared to your replies she was indeed all 'sweetness and light'

You jumped straight in with both feet, assuming the worst possible slant.

I think you missed the point NanaandGrampy.

"so have been having a good look around the site, I have to ask why some posters feel the need to disrupt some threads with vile comments !? shock what enjoyment or pleasure do these posters get in slating other posters !? is it bravado because they hide behind a computer screen !? angry wheres the respect and empathy towards other posters?"

I assume we all read that these so called 'vile comments' were part of other peoples discussions. I would find someone walking into a RL situation and making such comments about someone else's discussion really quite rude. I am beginning to appreciate that for some that is quite acceptable behaviour and maybe what they would do themselves. As I said there are obviously different view of what comprises good manners.

I don't see this as glass half full or half empty but just how you behave and who and what you criticise on newly joining a forum.

Actually Gracesgran no one was 'deep in discussion ' , she started a new thread to ask her questions .

As far as I can see she didn't break any forum rules , she was as polite as most other posters and didn't break the law .

Also, it's not real life.

One would hope in real life people would be more understanding, less ready to criticise and more willing to see alternative viewpoints.

But maybe I'm just a glass half full kind of girl

So you think the OP was all sweetness and light Anya?

Mumsy welcome and pay no attention to gracesgran - I don't .

ducks behind parapet

It is easy to dismissive - as some posters have been - to a post like this and whilst you may not agree with her point of view, she is entitled to have it.

The OP is, of course NannyandGrampy, entitled to hold a view but voicing it is limited by what are considered good manners, law and even the rules of the forum. To me the post would have been a social solecism in RL so you would assume it would be on here to.

I have to agree 'vile' seems excessive for any comments I have seen on here trisher.

All I can say is hopefully Mumsy will never join any RL discussion group I am part of. I have a feeling she would get short shrift if she walked into one, told the groups who were deep into their discussion how to behave and criticise those running it. But then, I suppose we all have different ideas about what good manners are.

I had to look up 'vile' it seemed such a strong word to use about posts on GN
foul, nasty, unpleasant, bad, disagreeable, horrid, horrible, dreadful, abominable, atrocious, offensive, obnoxious, odious, unsavoury, repulsive, off-putting, repellent, revolting, repugnant, disgusting, distasteful, loathsome, hateful, nauseating, sickening
I haven't seen any posts that meet any of these definitions, yes people argue strongly, sometimes they even swear (shock, horror) but mostly their opinions are expressed quite reasonably and without personal criticism. There are threads with strong discussions and others with supportive and encouraging comments. You can choose. Personally I can only stand so much niceness, but I wouldn't want to stop others from indulging.

thankyou Pollyperkins, GandTea, NannaandGrampy and Breeze.

Great post Breeze - where's the like button when you need it !!

Last seen in the shelter of the kitchen, as she was fallen on by a pack of Hyenas! for having the temerity to point out, that as a 'newbie' she felt some threads were vile and it saddened her. She has as much right as anyone else on this site to give her opinion. And she did try to defend herself quite bravely, I thought, from the ensuing onslaught. Some threads have been vile in recent times. Don't make me say what was said, as I don't like the bad language. Especially if it's directed at someone on the site. I am guessing, she sauntered onto the site during the ferocity that was Brexit and thought crikey! Whilst dodging the verbal bullets. She is also quite right, with her observation, that many (probably not 'all' to be fair) would never dream of saying some of those things, face to face. The only thing I would disagree with, is moderating too much. I wouldn't want to feel unable to, as I just have, express my opinion, and on occasion, quite forcefully, because it had turned into a 'sissy site'. At the danger of sounding like a stuck record, there is room for all.

I have given you a follow on from my post gracesgran, but there are certain posters I no longer do that for, because oddly enough, they are the only group who seem to need it .

Gracesgran. Some poeple think in real life and on here, that it is perfectly acceptable to be rude etc, and others do not.

You ask how anyone else could read the OPs post Gracesgran ?

My take on it is different from yours.

It could be read for exactly what it is? A comment on the perception of a new person to the forum?

She asks some perfectly valid questions - and why not ? While we may have seen the same thing asked before she states quite clearly she is a newcomer . Would she be expected to read through the thousands of posts first? Many of us appear not to even read the whole thread we're commenting on.

It is easy to dismissive - as some posters have been- to a post like this and whilst you may not agree with her point of view, she is entitled to have it.

Maybe that will change over time or maybe she will do like some have mentioned and grow a thick skin.

Personally , I hope not because to do so makes the mean comments the norm and that can't be right.

Anyone coming to GN at this time, would see far more disagreement than normal, we have some very polarised opinions ATM, and there are some unpleasant posts. So I can see where Mumsy is coming from, need to pick those threads that are to ones liking. If you like intense opinions, head for the political or religious (not had one of those lately) threads, if you want friendly chat head for the shed or kitchen, or some where between. Plenty to choose from, just takes a while to get to know people.
You were asking for a degree of trouble with this thread, you will soon learn when to duck. Not that I manage to duck in time.

Oh yes, and welcome to GN.

Well I have to admit I agree with Mumsy - occasionally people seem to make unnecessarily harsh personal remarks. It's one thing to disagree with someone - I'm all for healthy discussion, but there's no need to attack someone personally. Some (no names) have over=reacted to Mumsy's post and it comes across as quite intimidating, especially to a new person. I would like to welcome Mumsy to the site and assure her we don't all react like that.

I am not 'goading' anyone Mumsy (pretty inappropriate adjective surely?) I would just like to know how else anyone could read what you posted.

obieone not for the first time, I am afraid, I just don't understand what you mean, I'm sorry. If you would like to give it another go I am happy to try again.

Oh dear Mumsy you can hardly expect people not to respond to a provocative post. It seems it's your way or the highway but I agree time to move on.

It works Gracesgran depending on how people like the standard of things to be.
Some people operate themselves differently.

as I said YOUR interpretation! theres no need to go on about it as it comes across that you are just goading.

Mumsy:

I have to ask why some posters feel the need to disrupt some threads with vile comments !?
How else do I read this other than you accusing members of making vile comments? An example would help so that we can all decide for ourselves if such comments are actually 'vile'. That is a pretty strong accusation for someone who is, in your own words 'new on gransnet'

what enjoyment or pleasure do these posters get in slating other posters !?
It appears you have already decided that posters get pleasure in 'slating' other members. Where, what did they say?

is it bravado because they hide behind a computer screen !? wheres the respect and empathy towards other posters? Mmm ... Who is doing the slating in this sentence?

Please think before you post and ask yourself how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot!!
I think calling this 'lecturing' sums it up. What would you call it?

Why arent the moderators stepping in to stop things from esculating ?
When you have been here for a little longer you may stop criticising the mods and realise how well they balance the need to delete the odd post and the need to allow the conversation to flow.

You may ask why I am replying to your post - simple - I like GN and think it works, not perfectly but pretty well.

thankyou LullyDully and Goonsuch.

Your interpretation gracesgran not mine!

Welcome Mumsy, as you can see, you'll need alot of cake for this lot