OK, it's probably been said before, BUT..

That's it Elegran most people don't have much patience to make 'an awful lot of butter and sugar in with it' when writing a valid point.

But everybody is different to accepting their family problems.

I'll take my sweet daughters and family any day over 'sugar' and having my say.

Thatbags and Elegran I always have great respect for your reasoned arguments as they are considered and helpful - definitely not 'there, there'.

If I get a slap-down I have probably deserved it!

Some posters assume that a thoughtful reply which is not what they were hoping for ("but have you looked at it this way . .?" instead of "There, there, there") is an intentional personal attack and that it came from someone whose only motive was to be hurtful.

An appeal to see through their own hurt to the bigger picture needs an awful lot of butter and sugar in with it for them to accept that it is meant helpfully.

I have read a lot of vitriol in reactions to these attempts to help, and a lot of genuine posters retiring wounded. A comparison would be trying to free a wild animal from a trap and being savaged in the attempt.

Some threads lean towards, or are, supportive threads.

Personal attacks are personal attacks if the poster who posted them, meant them as such.

I Iearned that too, Norah, but then I learned something about writing with courage. If someone doesn't want any replies that aren't 'there, there, there' they are being unrealistic. One can express puzzlement about a situation and ask questions to increase clarity without it being a personal attack. And it still isn't a personal attack even if some people say it is.

I thought the idea of the cafe was for everyone to be sweet and kind. The other threads allow for opinions to be voiced, personal attacks are not necessary though.

In my real life I get on with everyone splendidly, but then all do because being polite at the tea party and doing a silent inner eye roll works so well.

I find the threads that tend towards asking 'what did I do to be estranged' or 'what could be done when estranged' difficult. I learnt (by being slapped by GNeters) that the OP is not really asking for advise, or trying to self reflect inward at all. Rather, posts seem pity party rather than solution driven.

I'm not adept at 'there, there, there' and am quite thankful nobody in real life expects silent agreement in the name of advise. So, rather than pointing anyone towards what their estranged may be thinking - total acceptance to the posters view is in order, oh well, learnt.

Oh, thank you gillybob and I see now that Rigby explained it in brackets afterwards

Duh, going out now!!

Which is what I said. OMG I am confusing myself now!

that't what happens when you have half a dozen screens open at the same time

Second one, should have read "Thread about a few other threads collectively".

I was puzzled too Jalima1108 but reading back I think it means Thread about a thread and threads about a few other threads collectively??

Rigby what is TAAT and TAAFOTC please?

That's it, gilly "As long as we all respect each other." Then we can disagree and argue debate without getting a knife between the shoulder-blades, or a cup of tea in our unoffending lap.

As soon as I see that in the OP, I immediately wonder what on earth I've said - so ignore the thread like the plague.

We all know we can't do TAAT without facing deletion and quite rightly and I don't think that TAAFOTC ( threads about a few other threads collectively) are on either, at least not in the context of this thread. I agree with MB. If someone upsets you ( generic you) either ignore it or say so on the thread itself. I hate all this ' some posters', 'a certain poster' ' a particular thread' etc. And we never know when a 'lighthearted thread' may segue into something that requires a not at all light hearted response. I went onto the University Chsllenge thread just because I really enjoy the programme and then was quite shocked st some comments on there and was very critical of them. That was the right thing to do rather than start a generalist 'Why are some GNers disabilist' thread.

I think bullying is far too strong a word to use in the situation we have here sunseeker. If I thought someone was being bullied I would report it. There was no bullying here just someone being deliberately being awkward for the sake of it.

Vague unspecific admonishments of "somebody" not "playing nicely" "somewhere" IMHO just end up with everybody wondering "was it me?" "Who said what, when, where" etc etc. It usually ends in tears.
Basically then a thread about a thread.
If someone has seriously upset you phoenix (I am assuming, but as I said this has been expressed as a "general" plea) then say so, say it to them and get it over.
I can remember threads in the past which started in a similar vein and instead of clearing the air, as perhaps intended, led to more bad feeling and ultimately stirring. Not saying this is, but for heaven's sake, if there is something to say, please say it and let's not have an atmosphere of "somebody has not been very nice....."

You're right, sunseeker. I'm not so inclined to take my own "Leave it, Kev, he's not worth it" stance when it's others being targeted. I like to think I'd stick up for them and have been grateful to those holding my coat on occasion.

If someone is being bullied and everyone just "steps away" isn't that just encouraging the bully. I wonder how many people have given up posting on threads because of the bickering and, what I think sometimes is deliberate, misunderstanding of a post. Like Maggiemaybe I add the caveat that I am not referring to any particular post or poster.

Absolutely, ignore it if you can. However if someone else is going to be SERIOUSLY physically hurt you need to step in. If it is just their feelings......step away.

I'm not referring to any particular thread, btw. I don't even know the one in question.

Well sometimes you're standing on a street corner, having a laugh with your mates, and the two foul mouthed drunks across the road suddenly start lurching across, shouting out random insults about your mum. Best just to hop on a passing bus and leave them to it.

What a thing to say, are there anyone on gn that would be nasty

And starting a new thread ,dealing with the old thread may not be the way to go and possibly is against GN guidelines.