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An important message for all posters

(45 Posts)
CariGransnet (GNHQ) Sat 28-Mar-20 11:13:39

(We have posted something similar on a thread, but wanted to make this visible for all)

A plea from (virtual) HQ. We totally understand that tensions are heightened. That we are all stressed and worried and that these are hugely unsettling and difficult times. But it's more important than ever to try to be kind and supportive of each other. This absolutely doesn't mean we all have to agree with one another - of course - but unnecessary needling etc is really not a good way forward for any of us right now, particularly when so many of us are dealing with things that are really tough.

Whether you are a new member (welcome) or someone who has been with us for a long time (<waving>) this applies to all. It's essential that the site is a place where everyone feels welcome and no one feels nervous to post. Please do bear this in mind when posting.

Thank you

Lucca Sat 28-Mar-20 11:35:04

Totally agree, perhaps the thread which has appeared mentioning “bleeding heart liberals” is a case in point.”it’s called I’m surprised...

Teetime Sat 28-Mar-20 11:41:17

Yes indeed Cari- no-one needs more stress now and its just rude anyway.

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Sat 28-Mar-20 11:47:27

Do please report any posts you think we should look at as you normally would.

And yes - don't think any of us need any more stress right now. Very best to all

3nanny6 Sat 28-Mar-20 11:57:21

I have been very nervous about going anywhere near the estrangement threads after some OTT comments made about EP /EGP. After one exceptionally nasty comment I admit I retaliated out of anger and was told off. In fact I have posted nothing on those threads since and am still keeping away from those who posted unkind and nasty comments, I still look at those threads and see the same people on them and at times they are very controversial. I thought GN was a welcome place for all but on the estrangement threads it seems more thought is given to the EAC and those are the ones getting all sympathy. Not trying to offend just telling my experience.

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Sat 28-Mar-20 12:16:50

We have posted here to try to reach everyone as widely as possible. We hope that people will be mindful of these exceptional circumstances we find ourselves in - as mentioned earlier,,do report anything you think we should look at.

dragonfly46 Sat 28-Mar-20 12:20:28

I agree we need to be kind to each other and supportive at this time.

Chewbacca Sat 28-Mar-20 12:21:09

3nanny6 I remember that incident well and I can well understand why you feel as you do. But there is a safe space for you to post, without fear of being shouted down or dismissed and that's on the

"SUPPORT for all who are living with estrangement". They're a kindly and supporting lot on there and you'll receive a warm welcome.

Harris27 Sat 28-Mar-20 13:09:39

You know it took me a long time to start posting and I loved being a lurker. However when I was going through a particularly hard time with my life and events people on here were marvellous I didn’t want to take my problems to work and best friends understood but still I didn’t want to bore people. It was a year yesterday for mum who died after a long battle with dementia and the support I got off here was amazing. Let’s be kind it’s such a difficult time for all of us.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sat 28-Mar-20 13:16:00

This is a very difficult time for everyone and for those of us who live alone it may be the only interaction we have with another human being apart from a brief conversation with a shop assistant. These are briefer than ever due to the social distancing and long queues to just get into a shop at the moment.
The least we can do is to be decent to each another.

Anniebach Sat 28-Mar-20 13:21:02

I will repeat, when my beloved daughter died two years last
November, she took her life , one phone to tell me she had died. I was alone, had no one to turn to, was clutching a box of
Paracetamol, reached out here. Saved my life , supported me
through the funeral and inquest . I can never repay all who
got me through .

TerriBull Sat 28-Mar-20 13:31:21

flowers Annie I always look out for your posts, to me you are very much part of the GN community, don't stop posting please x

There was a horrible thread yesterday evening from someone called GrannyChrissie or something like that, started off with the assertion that the NHS shouldn't treat smokers in this current crisis got worse and worse ended up with the foulest of four letter expletives. I imagine it was pulled because couldn't see it this morning. Can't believe that person was a genuine poster.

3nanny6 Sat 28-Mar-20 14:06:44

Thank-you Chewbacca for that message. I went to the
Support for all who are living with estrangement; and said I had not posted for some time because of what happened and several really kind people reached out to me and Private Messaged me which was so supportive. I noticed that a few of the EAC had also visited that support thread and I found that after the experience I had my confidence had been shattered to post on anything they may comment on and I still find I cannot overcome that horrible experience and the fact people can be so unkind was unspeakable.
Many times I made helpful comments to an EAC and anything I said was turned around and picked at just like picking a scab off a wound. I have worked in many areas of N.H.S and assisting sectors have dealt with sick and elderly,
clients with addictions, ex offenders and even young people.
I have a counselling qualification also qualification for working with those with addictions. Anything I ever said was always thought about and was not putting people down yet certain remarks were very low and uncalled for. Do not know if I can feel I would ever want to offer some sort of helpful advice to some of those again.

Smileless2012 Sat 28-Mar-20 14:11:41

3nanny there's a lovely brew and warm welcome waiting for you on the 'Support for all who are living with estrangement thread' when you feel confident to join us again, which I hope wont be too long.

3nanny6 Sat 28-Mar-20 14:27:23

Smileless2012 ; thank-you for the message. I still look on the Support for all living with estrangement thread and at the moment it is quiet on there. EGP can go on there also I know
EAC go on there as well and like I say it is the area around the EAC I struggle with and find the walking on egg shells with some of them even if I try exceptionally hard not to offend my posts just get taken out of context and then I am told " oh you are only laughing at me" which to me is insulting.

Chewbacca Sat 28-Mar-20 14:32:48

I hear you 3nanny6; it's been noticed.

CherryCezzy Sat 28-Mar-20 15:01:53

Definitely agree. Needling, insidious comments and worse are totally unnecessary. One of the repeating issues is posters reading and interpreting something the wrong way. Then there are posters who seem intent on reading invisible words and then there are others who take a statement out of context and use it to try to "score points" and further to this there are some who seem intent on deliberately twisting a poster's words. Sometimes perceived banter is not banter at all. All of this is unnecessary. We are all human, we all have feelings, many have great difficulties in their lives that extend well beyond the current circumstances we all find ourselves in. There is never any need for unkindness.

3nanny6 Sat 28-Mar-20 15:22:54

Excellent post CherryCezzy : could not agree with you more.
There is no need for unkindness.

Greymar Sat 28-Mar-20 15:47:23

Would it be possible please HQ to have a pinned post with useful contact numbers? For example anxiety UK, Mind and so on.

Daddima Sat 28-Mar-20 17:00:20

I was going to post something similar myself, as I wondered if some posters had always been so confrontational, or if it was a sign of the times. It’s such a shame that we can’t exchange opinions in a respectful manner, or be reluctant to join in a discussion for fear of personal insults. I’d really like to hear others’ points of view.
Anyway, let’s hope we can move on and enjoy the chat/support/information/advice.

Kalu Sat 28-Mar-20 17:01:25

A timely reminder Cari👍. Our mental health is every bit as important as our physical health!

Thank you for keeping GN going, a necessary support for chat, support and laughter. x

JuliaM Sat 28-Mar-20 17:18:59

Graymar, what an excellent idea, a few years ago l worked as a moderator for a Boating enthusiasts forum, and we set up a list of trusted and checked out members who had to provide I.D. And be a regular poster for a least six months prior to registration, we then created an SOS page, it covered anything from help with a mechanical breakdown, to rescue of someone in distress, and even donations of food for one young lad living alone onboard a boat during winter who had become well and truely frozen into a remote Broad and unable to reach the shore. I know that was in a truely different context, and was entirely UK based, but a similar scheme could be set up on Gransnet, like you say, with a list of helpful contact numbers and those who could offer more local support to those members in need.

Susan56 Sat 28-Mar-20 17:37:26

Cherry Cezzy,I totally agree with your post💐

Greymar Sat 28-Mar-20 18:02:57

Thank you Julia, I have asked for a messaging facility and given a link to a MH site.

Here is another

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Sat 28-Mar-20 18:26:17


Would it be possible please HQ to have a pinned post with useful contact numbers? For example anxiety UK, Mind and so on.

Great idea - this is something we have looked at in terms of content, but we can look further.