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Has hearing loss has affected your family? Share your experience and you could win a £250 voucher! NOW CLOSED

(48 Posts)
AnnGransnet (GNHQ) Mon 03-Nov-14 12:06:28

Has hearing loss affected your family life? Always battling to turn the volume down (or up!)? Sick of filling in missing bits of conversation? Write about your experience and you could win a £250 voucher.

You may know Gransnet is working with the team at the Specsavers (as a hearing services provider) to talk about and raise the profile of Age Related Hearing Loss - do have a look at our new sponsored content pages here.

We've come a long way with finding new ways to assist and solve the problems associated with Age Related Hearing, but it is still something that people often find embarrassing or don't like talking about.

We'd like to know how age related hearing loss has affected (both in the past and these days), your families and how you've handled the situation. For example - did you have to shout to your granny during Christmas dinner? Are you always having to turn the volume down on an older relative's radio? Were you or your parents in total denial about hearing loss? What happened to treat the hearing loss - did anyone address the problem and seek out help?

Please share your stories on this thread.

Everyone who does so will be entered into a prize draw where one gransnetter will win a £250 voucher for the store of their choice (selection from here)

Please note, your anon comments may be used by the team at Specsavers on their website, their pages on Gransnet or on social media - please only add a comment if you're happy for it to be used.

thanks and good luck
GNHQ

grannyactivist Mon 03-Nov-14 12:39:54

My paternal grandmother became very deaf in her later years, but both she and my grandfather seemed to accept that deafness was a facet of getting older. She never attempted to get a hearing aid or even have a hearing test and my grandfather and she would often sit in silence because conversation was impossible. My father started to go deaf in his fifties, but had the sense to have a hearing aid fitted eventually, when he was in his late sixties.

PRINTMISS Tue 04-Nov-14 07:58:54

I have a hearing problem, probably related to having measles as a child, but no one picked it up then. the audiologist says I am a very good lip reader, and that is something I must have learned automatically. My hearing deteriorated over the years and a hearing aid is useful, but absolutely useless in crowds and noise, when everything just gets too much, so I am fortunate and can literally just switch off! Can't sing any more either, well not in public.

Teetime Tue 04-Nov-14 09:00:11

DH has severe hearing loss in one ear and I have to say it puts a strain on our relationship. He pretends he has heard something I have said and he hasn't so something goes awry. Each time I speak he says 'what' before I have finished so I have to say everything two or three times which is wearing then he berates me for being exasperated and I feel unsympathetic to his problem. he cant wear his prescribed hearing aid as it is painful to wear, he wont pay privately for one even though he could. I feel he doesn't want to get the problem sorted. There are times when I am so frustrated I could scream. His mother is totally deaf and has driven mad for years with her refusal to wear her aids. Aaaargh!!!

Grannyknot Tue 04-Nov-14 09:33:33

All I know about age related hearing loss is observing what teetime has described above - that is members of my family getting exasperated with others who can't hear them, particularly their partners.

As for me - I am very aware that I can no longer hear properly when I am for example in a crowd in a noisy pub and there are more than two of us having a conversation. So I am currently psyching myself up for that hearing test, because I hate straining to hear and am convinced that the next day I have an "audio hangover" - a dull headache and feeling washed out from the effort of trying to listen!

We've mentioned before on these threads about the booming sound in cinemas nowadays, it literally makes me jump and I take ear plugs to the movies now.

I'd be interested to read an opinion of how the modern trend of "in-ear" music will affect hearing in later life - especially for those young people who have to have it turned up so loudly that everyone in their vicinity also has to put up with it.

littleflo Tue 04-Nov-14 12:51:00

Is age related hearing loss different from other types of deafness?

AnnGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 04-Nov-14 14:19:04

Hi Littleflo - some info on this is here

absentgrandma Tue 04-Nov-14 20:23:40

How true Teetime. I can tolerate(just) the Tv being turned up to 100% because it's a smallish flatscreen, so isn't as loud as our old deep-bodied one, but OH is already looking at buying a soundbar which I am dreading.

Relationships certainly suffer... we can no longer have a quiet conversation when we go out for a meal,as the background noise makes it impossible for him to hear me even when I'm seated opposite him. So we either eat in silence or when I attempt a conversation, he accuses me of whispering. It's the same in shops etc

The worst has to be when he mishears and gets entirely the wrong end of the stick, often with a message from a friend or neighbour. This is often the prelude to an argument about me getting it wrongangry 'Cos men are never wrong are they ?(lol)

At times I feel sorry for him, but he won't try a NH hearing aid as he's heard 'they don't work properly' (this is years ago but he's sure it's still the same) and he thinks spending a thousand pounds is barmy! Then the sympathy flies out of the window and I could strangle him..... if I could reach his neckgrin

gillybob Tue 04-Nov-14 22:48:55

My DH is quite deaf (although he will not admit to it). He has worked in engineering for 45 years and no doubt suffers from some kind of industrial deafness. He has been self employed for a long time so compensation is out of the question but how can I persuade him to at least have a hearing test? It drives me mad having to repeat myself over and over and he is always "out of the loop" during any kind of get together as he can't keep up with conversation and I have to explain everything for him which drives me MAD . It's impossible trying to watch anything in TV .

glassortwo Wed 05-Nov-14 11:59:03

gilly my DH is the same but has been for a hearing test and was informed he required help but still refused the hearing aids.

How he manages at work I have no idea. The girls in the office know to shout wink

More often than not we seem to have two different conversations what he hears and what is actually said. The DGC are often confused by GDs replies. hmm

Dont ask about following TV programmes as we both end up missing chunks when he ask what has been said and I then replay to him, then the plot has moved on and them neither of us have a clue whats going on shock

gillybob Wed 05-Nov-14 12:10:38

We are exactly the same glass . Explaining who said, what and by the time you have expalined everything the plot or conversation has moved on. Grrrrrrr

On the subject of all things lug related..............

DH had an op to repair a burst eardrum a few years back, after which the surgeon told him (quite matter of factly) that he had "broken a surgical hook in his ear and had been unable to retrieve the broken bit" shock

"Shouldn't be a problem" he went on "but perhaps might be worth pointing out if ever you had to have a brain or head scan" shock

Gracesgran Thu 06-Nov-14 09:15:38

I cannot tell you how many times my mother and the rest of the family have said that her hearing aids are the best thing we have got to help her (from Specsavers in fact).

We are talking about a 94 year old who has two replacement hips and a replacement knee, suffers from arthritis and breaks bones so easily (osteoporosis) I would wrap her in cotton wool if I could. She has had a lot of help with all this and has had the drugs available to deal with the Alzheimer's that is taking some of her away from us a little at a time.

The hearing loss meant she could not join in or even know what we were discussing in family situations. On a one to one basis we tended to shout which was distressing for her - and she still did not understand all that we said. Now (as long as she has them in smile) she is part of the family again when we are talking together and, when we are helping with the effects of the dementia we can talk calmly which really helps her feel less anxious.

I know this is not just about Specsavers and we paid for Mums aids, but I do wish the NHS would outsource more of the hearing service to people like this. We have enough hospital and clinic appointments and going to a "shop" where they ensure she is seen in a ground floor room and the staff are so understanding is lovely. More than that she feels, because of the atmosphere, that she has a choice about what is done for her.

Getting hearing loss dealt with early is essential. Because of Mum's age and the time that she had spent without this being dealt with it took her a while to have the aids up to their full level. I know I should have mine checked too but would not go to the NHS so will save my pennies to go and have the same sort of service - and hopefully some of the outcome - that Mum has.

loopylou Thu 06-Nov-14 13:22:21

My mother has age related hearing loss and is profoundly deaf even with 2 hearing aids. I started to lose my hearing following Ménière's disease aged 50 and now aged 60 I wear 2 hearing aids and have terrible Tinnitus too, worsening when stressed. I dread it if I have inherited my mother's age related hearing loss too......... I unconsciously lip read much of the time and dread noisy environments and find it very hard if spoken to by a passenger when driving.......

audnay Thu 06-Nov-14 15:43:54

As a family we have all suffered with deafness apart from my younger brother. Dad was ok he lost his hearing with age as did my mum she wouldn't have a hearing age no way no how, but dad wears one from specsavers. My big brother has an hearing aid. My big sister had a Mastoid to proud to wear an hearing aid, the other sister she is not to bad, but then you get to me, I nearly died when I was 21 with a mastoid, every time I went to the Drs he had the script for drops before I got through the door.
Only in July 2014 I went into Sheffield Hallam hospital and I had a BA Ha fitted its actually anchored to my bone inside my head and that's quite another story, I could have had a magnet put in my head rather than what I have now but I wasn't suitable for the magnet in case I have to have another Mastoid operation that was a bit of a shock as I never thought I would have needed another especially after I nearly died last time, and I was in and out like a yo yo, was in hospital over xmas well my girls were really young then 2 and 4 years couldn't understand why I was in hospital in bed on xmas day not nice, I still here my daughter saying get up mummy, get up bless her cotton socks, she is now 34year.

audnay Thu 06-Nov-14 15:50:52

Sorry I pressed send by mistake.
When you have hearing loss a lot of the time you speak loud yourself in same caseseven shout. I couldn't here when I went to Bingo I had to be quick to look at the screen and mark my card. I remember many years ago I was walking round a Littlewoods store, thought it wasn't busy. It appeared the loud speaker asked everyone to leave for a bomb scare, the security came up and asked why I was still in store and I had to tell them I was deaf and it wasn't heard by myself, I was escorted out of the store. You don't hear a person in the street say excuse me, I didn't hear the birds singing, If I don't put on my aid then I don't hear its a very quiet world for me. It was awful.

Charleygirl Thu 06-Nov-14 21:55:19

My 98 year old aunt has age related hearing loss and spent a fortune on hearing aids which for some reason "were never quite right". She lived in a block of flats and her TV would have been fine for the entire block because it was always so loud. It was worse in summer when she had all of the windows wide open.

Because she could not hear properly, she accused family of speaking about her in front of her which was untrue. She has recently moved to a nursing home so heaven help the other residents if she has the TV on to watch horse racing, her favourite- she will have the room to herself.

nanaval Fri 07-Nov-14 13:09:40

My Mother, who lived to be 102 became increasingly deaf from the age of 70 and was issued with analogue hearing aids. By the time she was 90 her hearing aids were of little use and in order to communicate with her we resorted to writing everything down. Although she remained alert and aware until her death her quality of life was seriously compromised by her deafness.
In my late 60s I became aware that my hearing wasn't so good and after doing an on-line hearing test which confirmed my suspicions I purchased two hearing aids and my life was transformed! I was also supplied with a remote controlled gadget which enabled me to turn down background noise when in a crowded environment; this means that I can still hold a conversation and people are often unaware that I am hearing impaired.

janerowena Mon 10-Nov-14 12:32:42

My first brush with deafness was with my grandfather, who had Ménière's disease. My grandmother became quite depressed as the years passed, as he had been a naval officer and she had so been looking forward to a life of being sociable, with her husband able to accompany her after all those years of him being away. Of course he hated going out anywhere at all, as he was unable to hear anything being said, even with a hearing aid, if there was any background noise at all. I spent a lot of time with him, and he was more than happy to talk as long as we were somewhere quiet, but his deafness embarrassed him, as did the lack of balance that accompanied it, as he was accused more than once of being drunk. I felt desperately sorry for both of them. My grandmother was quite bitter at times.

More recently was the problem caused by a great-aunt's deafness. She and her sister had retired to Cornwall, and all the family used to take turns to go to stay nearby to check up on them as they aged, and make sure they were ok. One died, and soon after the other went very deaf. As others have mentioned, vast amounts of money were spent on hearing aids over the years, thousands. All of us dreaded receiving phone calls, because there would a problem to solve but she couldn't hear our replies, even with various devices attached to the phone and special speakers. We all roundly cursed their decision to retire so far from the family, as there would ensue a quick call round everyone to see who was free to fly/get a train/drive down, all of which cost a fortune and took up a lot of time for all of us, much as we loved her. Ironically, many times the problem proved to be a lack of ability to convey her precise problems to the hearing-aid providers!

I think that many communication problems could be solved with compulsory lip-reading or signing lessons from a very young age. However, I was amazed to discover that there isn't better NHS funding for hearing aids. Sad as I am for couples who aren't able to have children, (and not at all sad for women who just want bigger or smaller breasts) I think of all the people who could be treated with that money instead. Teeth, eyes and ears in good working order enhance our lives dramatically.

janerowena Mon 10-Nov-14 12:43:03

If you can get people to stop thinking of hearing loss as something embarrassing, that would be a huge, huge help. Because people try to hide it, and that compounds the problem, as then no-one realises that they have a problem. If they would only wear aids that are visible, instead of small discreet ones. Tell people when they are introduced. Maybe Specsavers could advertise people locally who give lip-reading lessons. I had almost completely forgotten that I do have a deaf friend, and I never even thought to mention her, because she is an excellent lip-reader and I forget that she is deaf at all. If only granddad and Aunt Dorothy had found people to teach them.

Land phones with speech recognition windows - I haven't looked into that. I daresay someone provides such a thing, but I bet it costs a fortune. Even if not every word came out ok, you should be able to get the gist of what is being said. I say land phone, because we don't have any mobile reception here at all, and have lots of older people in our village.

annemac101 Tue 11-Nov-14 18:44:20

I used to get annoyed with my dad when he became hard of hearing as he would never wear his hearing aid and tell me I was speaking too quietly. Theses days It's me who's hard of hearing. I have tinnitus and damage in one ear caused by repeat use of a certain antibiotic.
It is a nightmare in a pub or restaurant with a few people around the table I used to spend my time nodding and saying yes all the time when I really couldn't hear a thing. I have started telling people I am hard of hearing and they have to speak into my left ear. I find it hard to wear a hearing aid as the hole into my ear is very small. I have been told I will have to try the whole ear mould now with a thicker tube going around my ear.
I am not looking forward to this and have been putting it off but I think the time has come to just try it and see if it makes a difference to my life.
Constantly asking people to repeat themselves is draining for everyone concerned. Losing part of my hearing is the last thing I ever thought would happen. I'm 57 yrs now and I just hope my other ear doesn't deteriorate.

dahville Tue 11-Nov-14 19:32:33

I think it has isolated my mum a bit, instead of asking us to repeat ourselves she just smiles and nods even when it's inappropriate to do so (say we asked her a question).

My mum has gone for hearing aids but doesn't always wear them or turn them on.

We need to be more patient and understand that may be us in a few years (the hearing loss is likely hereditary).

LucyGransnet (GNHQ) Wed 12-Nov-14 13:53:23

Don't forget, there's a £250 voucher for one lucky poster! If you've got an experience you'd like to share, just jot it below to be entered into the draw smile

marionh Wed 12-Nov-14 14:04:36

My hearing has definitely got worse as I have got older. I think I have probably been a bit in denial about this but having read some of the other posts on this thread feel it is probably time to do something about it. I definitely struggle far more than I used to when it comes to following conversations - either on television or in real life and especially when there is background noise. I often find myself nodding and smiling when i actually have no idea what has been said to me - which is bound to get me into trouble one of these days. The odd thing is that in the dead of night when it's dark and quiet I can hear someone drop a pin a street away! Definitely time to go and see someone I think

ninkynan Wed 12-Nov-14 14:12:07

My husband's hearing loss has been quite pronounced over the last couple of years. I keep nagging him to do something about it but he won't - I think maybe because he is thinking of the hearing aids his mum used to have which were huge pink things and he is put off by the thought of having those himself. But soon the television will be at a volume that is going to give me hearing lost so I think I am going to have to push him into getting it tested properly and we can take it from there.

misstake Wed 12-Nov-14 14:36:59

My husband was also reluctant to get his hearing sorted and as a result gradually withdrew himself more and more from social situations. Finally I persuaded him to get it checked and as a result he got a hearing aid - no one would have any idea he is wearing it and yet it has done wonders for his confidence. And I am delighted to have the old him back. Ninkynan I hope that you are able to persuade your husband to go too - once he has I am sure that he will wonder why he put it off for so long