Keeping items of loved ones.

Why must you part with your mum's ashes? Surely there's no harm in keeping them?

Similarly with the handbag. If it is of some comfort to you to leave it where it is, untouched, then do so.

Neither of these things harm anyone.

I’m the opposite. As you probably know, our son died in September, we have his ashes in the study. I can’t wait to bury them, but want his brother to come over from India where he works to be present.

I have kept very little of my parents - they were not kind to me in adulthood. My boy? I’ve got silly things like an R2D2 timer, an apron, things like that.

Well, i thank you for your post Baggs, i dont know, i suppose there is no harm in keeping them, its just that i thought I cant part with her bag then camè the question * is this just ME?* i havent heard any of my friends say they have done similar.

I mean i have all her china cups and saucers and cut glass upstairs, but this bag is like i dont even want to TOUCH it, i want it to remain just as it was when my mum last touched it...

Its weird.....

grandMattie xx

It's not just you. Some things are just so personal, full of memories and love that you can't part with them and there's no reason why you should.

My mum loved Christmas, the food, the ritual of it all and especially Stir Up Sunday...all the family together making wishes and the promise of Christmas just around the corner.
I kept her Christmas pudding basin. I could probably buy another similar basin in any shop in town....but it wouldn't be mum's.

If having her handbag and her ashes is a comfort to you than let them stay right where they are. If that ever changes....then you can let them go, but only if and when it suits you.

My DH died just over two years ago now.
I have parted with some o his possessions but there is alot to go, but where I don't know and am at a loss whether to get rid or not.
His ashes are still here, he told us where he wanted them scattered but because of covid and all the restrictions which came with it we have still got everything here

I have my mums coat and scarf on my coat rack, her handbag is under my bed. There is nothing that could make me remove them ?

I have kept my dad's bunnets. There are three of them and I couldn't bear to part with them. However they will go in the dressing up box for my grandsons when they are big enough.

Serendipity No it isn't just you. I think wanting/needing to keep certain things that belonged to loved ones is just showing you have a soul.

My mother liked her sweets. After she died I found a bag of mini eggs in her gardening coat pocket. The coat containing the sweets continued to hang in the shed until we sold the house after my dad died. Every so often I would slip my hand inside….

Ohhhh thank you for your posts, a lot of you are in the same position, well, i dont know if position is the correct term, but we are all the same.
Some things you can discard without thinking twice, some things you gladly throw in the bin ( things you've wanted to throw for a long time*) but things that are a *link with our loved ones, just way, way tooooooo precious to haul in the bin.

Thank you for your replies. I will never, ever throw these things away, well, her ashes wont be thrown, i meant scatter them.

Just realised ive added my thread in the SPORTS section !!!!

Sorry .....

I haven't kept much of my husband's stuff, partly because most of his interests involved complicated electronics which were way beyond me. What I have kept is 4 ringbinders with all the records of his chemotherapy and his hospital letters. To get rid of them seemed like denying that the last 9 years had happened.

You don’t have to part with anything which means much to you. My son in law has a bedroom full of my darling daughter’s
things, over 4 years, and no mention of giving them away.

She was cremated, I couldn’t let her be alone, her ashes are in a
bedroom in my younger daughter’s home, they will stay there
until they can be interred with me.

You will know if and when you are ready to part with them x

I dont have a connection with "stuff" When we cleared my mums house we gave almost everything to a local womans refuge ,the rings she wanted me to have were given to my sister and my mothers neices .I have nothing here that was hers ,
This last month we've cleared my MIL's house we have brought a few bits for my daughter but nothing that wasn't useful for ourselves,a new set of cutlery baking bowls and her signature crochet blanket ,
My SIL has literally filled her spare room and any other available space with things she will never use ,which will most likely end up in the attic with all the other "stuff" she hasn't set eyes on for decades.I dont understand it.
Memories aren't dependent on things ,you carry them with you ,in fact I believe hanging onto some things will stop you coming to terms with your loss.Of course we all grieve in different ways so my normal wont be everyones If the handbag is holding you back its maybe time to let it and your mother go .

I kept my brother's jacket for a long time. It smelled of him and used to give me comfort. Eventually I disposed of it as it went a bit mouldy. He was 24.

I only have one plastic box with my Mum's things in, and was so upset some of it had gone mouldy in the rental cottage garage. I'd put it in there by mistake. I managed to dry out most of it, but lost her fan to the mould. Grief is very personal, do what gives you comfort.

I understand you. The thing about the handbag is maybe also that it is/was a persons only completely private space. I was never allowed to open my mum’s bag even when she couldn’t lift it herself. I had to hand it to her. Completely private. Just leave it where it belongs. ? for you.

Very, very good comments from everyone, yes, in time i will know. It may stay on the shelf for ever and it may not. Every time i open the door to hang my coat up, there it is, reminding me that it is a sacred thing, not to be touched, proper weird feeling. Not weird as in scary, not at all, just weird in so much that that item has formed into the 1 thing that shall remain untouched.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Much appreciated.

I gave my mother's handbag to my daughter who was quite close to her. She has it safely. It has a few personal things like her bus pass and glasses. I have kept other things that belonged to her, including her wedding ring and the 1940s shoes she wore when my dad was courting her. No reason at all to get rid of anything that makes you feel close, why would you?

I have a few little bits and bobs of my girls.
A spoon, a tiny little handbag, a t shirt.
I also have a lovely rainbow coloured blanket she made.

I was feeling a bit sentimental a few weeks back and was talking to my grandsons about the blanket.
They said yes, they can remember her getting all bad tempered and swearing while she was making it.
I also have her long blonde dreadlocks somewhere.
I kept them when she lost her hair for the final time.
I have no idea what to do with them though.

I kept and wore my mother's apron until it fell to bits. I also kept some of her tea towels and her tea cosy. Of no significant value at all but objects she used every day. They made her feel much closer.

I don't even know what happened to my mother's handbag. I suspect that my very unsentimental sister disposed of it.
We live in what was my parents' flat which gives me a great sense of security somehow. Every member of the family past and present have been here over the years. I can 'see' them all here. Very glad of it.

When we cleared my mother’s house (she’d moved to a care home) there were a lot of items of sentimental (but zero cash) value.

One thing I kept, and still have many years later, is her wooden spoon - she’d had it for ever and it was well worn down on one side.
So I was subsequently very cross with dh, since despite my saying not to put it in the dishwasher, he did, and it wasn’t happy about that at all. ?
I still have it, though.