Hairdressers, and how to change them without hurting their feelings

I've had this problem twice over the years (in different homes) and my excuse for not carrying on with a particular hairdresser was, " My niece who was a hairdresser, is coming to live nearby for some time and she will do my hair".
By the time my imaginary niece will have left I'm sure that I will have been long forgotten by my previous stylist>

jellybeanjean, you are not being a wimp, this woman comes into your home which changes the dynamics of a business arrangement and I suspect she has used this to her advantage. There is no need to get yourself upset, its a service she provides that you no longer require. If she pushes for an explanation just say you fancy a change...end of, no need for anything else.
I have recently moved and went to a decent looking hairdressers with quite a good pedigree but whilst the first visit was OK I ended up feeling the cut could have been better. I have just booked an appointment somewhere else - that's all you have to do.

I am rubbish with telling hairdressers that I am changing. Several years ago I finally got up enough courage to tell my hairdresser (It just never looked right) when my DS said before you next go to the hairdressers I should tell you I have met her and we are dating. Wow, my mind filled with snippets of all the conversations we had had..what did I say about anyone. Of course then I had to struggle on with her for another year until they split up (thank goodness).
I quickly changed hairdressers and very happily accepted the Junior stylist just starting out but soon she advanced to be a senior stylist, junior Director, Senior Director and finally 5 years later - the owner. With each promotion came a price change, I will have to look for another junior stylist now,lol

As others are saying, it’s a business transaction, not Tindr!
You are the customer, you are paying, you do what you like.
I bet she would drop you without a qualm if she decided to move or change her business arrangements.
Just smile, and do it (or rather, don’t make another appointment)

Yes do jellybean jean just say I can't make another appointment right now and then pick somewhere else to go. I have done this lots of times with moving and the stylists coming and going themselves. My latest girl has n social skills but she can cut hair so I forego much conversation with this one. Go for it.

Thanks to all for your comments and ideas. I know I'm a wimp, but I will put my big girls pants on, bite the bullet and woman up!

Why feel the need to lie, or use avoiding tactics? You are free to use anyone you choose. It would do her good to be told why you won’t be using her again. She is probably losing other customers for the same reason.

Tillybelle
I don’t know how common this is, I live in the South East and I have no idea if she is the only one My daughter found her by accident as she works for social services and she just stumbled across her.
I know her husband is a driving instructor and he has trained to work with people with driving phobias, mental health issues. learning difficulties and ADH . So I think more people are slowley catching on to the fact that not everyone is a social bunny that can just breeze through life.

Just stop going! And why don't you try the salon at your local college of there is one? You can choose to have your hair done by an advanced apprentice, and have the benefit of the lecturer overseeing the cut/ colour whatever. The one I go to will have the apprentice go through a questionnaire about exactly what you want and the lecturer makes sure that is exactly what you do want. Plus it's much cheaper. They really love their customers and are grateful for the chance to actually style hair!

For goodness sake - who is paying here - you are the customer - go elsewhere! It's not rocket science!

Make your next appointment, then text/phone to cancel it, saying you're in a the middle of an emergency, and will ring to re-book later. Then don't ring to re-book.
Should she ring you to remind you, say 'No thanks' or you've gone the local college to have your friend's daughter practise on your hair.
Hairdressers serve many functions for women, bullying isn't one of them.

I actually had a similar experience. Mine was a bit of a gossip and I needed to sever the link as there were implications for my job. I got out of it as I got a voucher for a local salon for my birthday, cancelled her, went to the new salon and never went back to her. No regrets.

Do what I did. I said my daughter had won a hairdo at a salon in a raffle and had given it to me as a treat.

I totally understand how you feel, BUT you need to take control , don’t book another appointment, cancel one if you have booked one. Do not be talked into making one.
If you have to , just say outright that you have decided to treat yourself to a salon cut.

pinkjj27 How lovely to know there are Hair Dressers trained to work with clients with anxiety or Autism or any other condition that makes the visit to the HD difficult for them! Thanks for telling us.

I was having my hair cut where I used to go and a clearly disabled boy of around 10 came in with his mother and sat next to me. To me he seemed Autistic - I used to work with Autistic people. The salon was busy. As soon as the scissors came near his head he began to scream. The other clients started their prim tutting. You know the type of person.

It wasn't long before the "If he was mine I'd soon .." and pronouncements to demonstrate their superior child raising flooded the room. I saw that the poor mother was coping very well. I imagined she had heard it all before. Knowing that if I, a stranger, tried to distract her son, it would make things worse, I sat there feeling terrible. Eventually I said something like, "It won't take very long, just hold on a minute and he will look very smart." As much to cheer myself up really as anything else.

It is so horrible that people are so quick to be judgmental and not understand the kind of anxiety that an Autistic person, for example, feels, especially when a stranger is snapping scissors round their head in what seems like a hostile environment with mirrors and hair driers. I felt so terribly sorry for him.

Plus it says in my long winded list of suggestions - "if the chest Hair Dresser". ???? Haven't a clue where that came from

I know this sounds mad but I developed a total phobia of hairdressers . They can be so intimidating and overpowering. I havent visited for years until recently.

This year my daughter took me to a lady that is train to deal with people who have had bad experiences. She is aslo train to deal with anxiety , ADHD and autism so on. She isnt as far as I know Sassoon trained but she listened and gave me a much need cut that that I so neeed. My confidence rocket and meant I wore my hair down for the first time in years.So to me worth more than Sassoon trained She was clam and not over bearing and didn’t bombard me with questions.
In the end of the day your hairdresser is just giving you a service that you pay for. If you brought your food from a shop that wasn’t meeting your expectations you would just go somewhere else. You wouldn’t feel the need to explain.

We live in a world of upgrading and switching. This is not personal she is not your friend you paid her and she didn’t meet your needs find someone that will.
I personally find it better to go to a solon rather than have a hairdresser in my home as it blurs the boundaries.

Calendargirl.
Just realised that my comment: "I think you are very sensitive..." sounds critical!! It's meant to say that I think you are thoughtful and kind to realise and point out how hard it is to deal with the Hair Dresser standing there with her Appointment Book! I do hope you didn't think I was being horrible to you! The opposite! You are very thoughtful!

My daughter is a hairdresser and has been for quite a few years.

I think you’ll find that hairdressers in general don’t really think a great deal about whether you change to another hairdresser or not. They are used to clients coming and going and probably wouldn’t even miss you unless they saw you again and thought that they have not seen you for awhile.

My daughter would have no hard feelings about losing a client unless of course the client had complained and wasn’t happy, and she hadn’t been able to please the client,that would upset her.

Clients come and go,that is the very nature of the business.

Calendargirl. I think you are very sensitive to the embarrassment and difficulty of escaping the "next appointment situation."

I wonder if the OP could go one more time and be prepared for the moment the appointment book comes out?

Maybe, as soon as she has paid, she could say, "I really have to go straight away, I need to be home by ..." and rush out saying no more. Or when asked "What about your next appt?" just say as she rushes out "I'll do it later". Which isn't a lie, but she'll do it with someone else!

If the chest HairDresser makes the Appt before taking the money, then OP needs to have the correct money ready and just hand it over and rush off....

If the appointments are set up in a block, such as every two months, first Tuesday... Then she can phone and cancel! Just cancel, too, don't get into a conversation. When phoning she can say "I need to cancel - sorry, got to rush... Goodbye" When HD tries to get her to make a different arrangement, she "must go, sorry!" or the door-bell rings...

You are obviously uncomfortable by the situation, so you need to cancel the booking and go elsewhere. You don't need to give an explanation, but if it makes you feel a bit easier, be vague and say something has come up and you'll be in touch later. It's your hair and your money.

Huh! My ** didn't go dark! try again:

just go elsewhere

fingers crossed

jellybeanjean
Sorry to hear about your DH's condition. I do hope it is not causing him distress. Reading about him made me appreciate that I can still walk a bit and that I need to remember other people have worse pain and worse back trouble than I. I've had a bad patch and been struggling and I really need a kick up the b..

Now, your mouthy Hairdresser! -*Just go elsewhere*!

A long time ago, I had to change Doctors, and then met the one I had discarded on the train. He was a dreadful Doctor (too many details for here!) there were loads of complaints about him, it was not just I who had trouble. He had been connected to us professionally too so I kind of felt obliged to politely sit with him, train being very full. It was ghastly but I managed!

You have to do what is right for you. She is working for you, you are paying her. I expect she has to work from home, if she worked in a Salon people would complain - it's easier to complain to a Salon! She probably got chucked out of the Salons.

Just ask your friends for some recommendations, make an appointment and give somewhere else a try!

Although I don't go as often as recommended, I have just recently changed Hairdresser and found such a delightful young man near me - he's a tonic!

Nobody should have to put up with the sort of things she is saying to you. She is a bully! Do not feel uncomfortable about going elsewhere.

Look for a mobile hairdresser to come to you.
I am really lucky as my hairdresser was a friend from my craft group before I found out she used to work for Toni & Guy & was starting up again in her own home. Not only do I get a great cut- good advice on styles & brilliant colouring but it is fun & we have a laugh together!
I used to dread going into salons where they were all so 'professional' & up themselves.
I pay a fraction of salon prices too. However if you get someone to come to you you don't have to explain if you want to change - just not ring them again.

Don't make further appointments .