I know people who had great careers, famous connections, and retired to Park Homes.
That really does come across as rather snobby and superior.
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Style & beauty
Hello to all,
I hope you are having a really lovely weekend. I've had this photo and beautiful prose for awhile. I love to read it and think about it when I am feeling a bit down.
How do you feel about ageing? How has the process been for you, as a woman specifically.
Statistics show us women experience ageing and ageism differently then men. It doesn't mean that men don't struggle or are not affected, because they are, and I want that to be clear. However, that is not what this conversation is about.
As a woman in this world, how do you feel about ageing. If you can be honest, if you have come to that part of your life, the part of self-reflection, where you have a good idea of where you stand.
I'll start the conversation. For anyone who would like to join, you are very welcome.
I'll be 60 in less than 2 months. I grew up in California, though I have been in the UK for 16 years as a Dual Citizen now. The UK is my home.
However, I must admit, where I was raised, in Southern California, near Malibu and Hollywood, there was much to do about looks, and of course, there certainly still is, especially for women and their "worth".
I remember my mother going on and on about how important it would be to take care of myself and that I would want to look my best, to be sure I could find someone to "take care of me". At the very same time, she was very adamant about women having their own careers.
I suppose our mum's are human and my mum was very torn, as you can see. She knew that she wanted her "girls" to be career-women, so we could take care of ourselves, yet she still had that solid line that we would ultimately need a man to take care of us.
Where I grew up, and the years which would follow, it was very clear that if you were considered "attractive", you were treated differently. Better, to be fair. And so it went.
The one thing I didn't bargain for, was ageing. Why? Because I was never taught about it. Were any of you? In your school system here in the UK, was ageing and the menopause ever spoken of in detail?
It wasn't in the US, that's for sure. And most certainly not in Southern California.
As I got older, I ended up in Northern California during the "Dot Com" boom. I was very lucky that way. Though I had not gone to school for tech, I came into a company as the secretary/admin. I answered phones and let people into the building.
Over the year I was in that role, I decided I was going to see if I could learn a little "tech" with the help of friends I made who worked there. And sure enough, I did. And within a year I was hired.
From there, the sky was the limit, It really was. I ultimately became a manager at Hewlett Packard and when I moved to the UK, they actually got hold of me and asked me to come back, which meant working from home! So I did.
Let's say, over time, I made a decision it was time to spend more time with family and the world. I had worked so very hard and so many hours from a very young age. I raised my son with a laptop in my hands most of the time, sadly. But needs must.
When I changed roles and because a Funeral Arranger and End of Life Support person, I was looking forward to doing my "heart work". However, this work is Freelance type work and it was hit and miss. Over time, I realised the income was not as I had hoped, and started to try to get back into tech.
Let me put it very briefly, with decades upon decades of experience, awards, accolades and certifications, I could not get a job, not even as a customer care admin for 10 pound and hour. My CVs were turned down again and again. I still have the file, there are hundreds.
I tried everything. And it was honestly so very strange, as in the past, I never knew what it was like not to be offered a job. I was very, very lucky. Every time I changed roles or business, I was able to land my next role and move up, as it were.
Now, here I am with my hubby. We live in our little park home. And I will tell you I am grateful we've a roof over our head and food to eat. I am no fool and know just how much people are struggling.
But back to the fact of ageism, beauty and what our identity is, now. Now that we are moving into a new realm of life.
I struggle some days, I must admit. I feel frustrated, unfairly treated and sometimes invisible. So very strange, yet, I know many other women are feeling the same.
So, I have attached this beautiful piece of art and writing, because they inspire me, and I thought they may be nice to open the conversation with.
Please, if you feel you would like to, I would love to hear your experience.
Many thanks,
Miss Redd
Allira
MissRedd
Allira
Let me put it very briefly, with decades upon decades of experience, awards, accolades and certifications, I could not get a job, not even as a customer care admin for 10 pound and hour. My CVs were turned down again and again. I still have the file, there are hundreds.
I'm wondering if the tech world is full of young whiz kids? Young, predominantly male? And possibly chauvinistic and ageist too.
It's not you, it's them.Hi Allira,
This is a very honest and solid point, statistically speaking. Me, being me, went right for the statistics to try to understand why in the world my CVs were not just being rejected, but nearly ignored.
The stats point exactly to being a women 50 or older. I mean, it literally shows the downturn as more extreme right about there.
Yes, there are ages where women are doing better in the tech word, which wold be the 20 and 30 somethings. After that, it begins to slowly crumble. And then, once you head into the 50s and later, even the very high-ups, such as CEOs are falling right off the charts.
So you are spot-on!
Thank you for this post, I thought it was very helpful and very kind
Miss ReddDH was job hunting at the age of about 59; he 'forgot' to put his DOB on his CV.
He obtained another job, worked until 65, semi-retired and was then headhunted back again to do consultancy work, retiring at 68.
That is so good to hear! I bet that was a huge relief as well. I never put my DOB on my CV, for that reason, but I'm afraid that my work history goes back far enough for it to be obvious. I did eventually have to "hide" some of my work history.
I spent over a decade at a specific role, then left for a short time and was called back again to come work for them, so it was really much longer.
All of that should have shown the ability to keep up with the changing times/business needs and that the company still found my work useful to them, however, it just tacked on too many years.
It was just one of those things that was a bit messy when I tried to make it work, without tipping my hand to my age.
At the same time, I suppose I would not have found the roles I am in now, if I had not left the tech world.
I guess my wish now, is really to come together with other professionals in the care and funeral business to create something of a team who get back to what death once was, and truly is, part of life. I think we have Victorianised death to some degree.
Back in the "day", we were born in the same house we died in. Siblings were present with their brothers and sisters were born. Grandparents passed away at home and the family was part of the entire lifecycle.
Nowadays, we are hiding so much. Many people don't realise they can have their loved-ones' rest in their own homes after they pass before their service.
Many people would very much like to stay in their own homes at the end of of their lives. There is so much I'd like to do, as a team with funeral directors, carers, hospice nurses and support teams and the general public.
Those are my longterm hopes. And that's a good thing, to have hope again. 
Take care,
Miss Redd
MissRedd
Allira
Let me put it very briefly, with decades upon decades of experience, awards, accolades and certifications, I could not get a job, not even as a customer care admin for 10 pound and hour. My CVs were turned down again and again. I still have the file, there are hundreds.
I'm wondering if the tech world is full of young whiz kids? Young, predominantly male? And possibly chauvinistic and ageist too.
It's not you, it's them.Hi Allira,
This is a very honest and solid point, statistically speaking. Me, being me, went right for the statistics to try to understand why in the world my CVs were not just being rejected, but nearly ignored.
The stats point exactly to being a women 50 or older. I mean, it literally shows the downturn as more extreme right about there.
Yes, there are ages where women are doing better in the tech word, which wold be the 20 and 30 somethings. After that, it begins to slowly crumble. And then, once you head into the 50s and later, even the very high-ups, such as CEOs are falling right off the charts.
So you are spot-on!
Thank you for this post, I thought it was very helpful and very kind
Miss Redd
DH was job hunting at the age of about 59; he 'forgot' to put his DOB on his CV.
He obtained another job, worked until 65, semi-retired and was then headhunted back again to do consultancy work, retiring at 68.
Allira
^Let me put it very briefly, with decades upon decades of experience, awards, accolades and certifications, I could not get a job, not even as a customer care admin for 10 pound and hour. My CVs were turned down again and again. I still have the file, there are hundreds.^
I'm wondering if the tech world is full of young whiz kids? Young, predominantly male? And possibly chauvinistic and ageist too.
It's not you, it's them.
Hi Allira,
This is a very honest and solid point, statistically speaking. Me, being me, went right for the statistics to try to understand why in the world my CVs were not just being rejected, but nearly ignored.
The stats point exactly to being a women 50 or older. I mean, it literally shows the downturn as more extreme right about there.
Yes, there are ages where women are doing better in the tech word, which wold be the 20 and 30 somethings. After that, it begins to slowly crumble. And then, once you head into the 50s and later, even the very high-ups, such as CEOs are falling right off the charts.
So you are spot-on!
Thank you for this post, I thought it was very helpful and very kind
Miss Redd
Boz
In the immortal word of G&S;
I may very well pass for 45, in the dark with the light behind me.
Ha! Boz, I love this! Absolutely. That will work just fine.
Miss Redd
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