How Many Years of Beauty do I Have Left?

Never considered myself to be a “beauty” preferring to depend on my brains, wits, nous, character so I can’t say it bothers me.
I look at old women with wonderful faces, full of character, personality, lines drawn by life experience and honestly there is no comparison with those who have had “work done”
It’s good not to be judged on one’s looks, so many young women seem to be obsessed with their self image - and hung up about imagined imperfections which they attempt to address with lip enhancements, leading to trout puts, beetle eye brows, Botox, boob jobs hair extensions and goodness knows what else.
They pose and pout for selfies, even employing filters, who are they kidding, themselves? True beauty comes from within.

I think if you invest your energies into shallow endeavours such as always 'looking good' whatever that means, then when you get judged by other as looking old, your whole world will come crashing down.

Better to invest in the more lasting things in life that will never judge you this way- family and friends especially but also being able to do your job well and serve your community. You can do all these things well even as you get older.

Also caring for your health is a much more rewarding way of taking care of what's inside too- the only way of looking eternally young is to die at an early age- and who would want that?
Not me- I look forward to getting older, more loved for who I am, and respected for what I've done to help people along the way.

For me, it's definitely a case of 'what you never had, you never miss'. This is why I actively avoid having my photo taken too.

I was perhaps lucky never to have considered myself to be a " beauty " but have grown old (67) gracefully and I have been told recently that I have nice skin with few wrinkles and still have my natural dark hair without any colouring. I think beauty comes from within and it is so much nicer to be a nice person rather than someone with good looks. I see ladies who I considered to be good looking in their younger days but as they have aged their looks have diminished and they seem to work harder to maintain that level good looks into their mature years.
I have always worked till just before my 60s ,( I gave up paid employment to look after my DH, who has a long term disability) but it was never at a high level but I always enjoyed it.
I have never been a person who smoked and an moderate drinker but even that has decreased recently to one glass a week.

keepingquiet

I think if you invest your energies into shallow endeavours such as always 'looking good' whatever that means, then when you get judged by other as looking old, your whole world will come crashing down.

Better to invest in the more lasting things in life that will never judge you this way- family and friends especially but also being able to do your job well and serve your community. You can do all these things well even as you get older.

Also caring for your health is a much more rewarding way of taking care of what's inside too- the only way of looking eternally young is to die at an early age- and who would want that?
Not me- I look forward to getting older, more loved for who I am, and respected for what I've done to help people along the way.

Thanks keepingquiet, this was a really helpful post.

Tell me, if you feel you would like to share, were you raised by parents who really saw you as a whole person? Meaning, they were very interested in your abilities and learning.

After reading your post, I get the feeling you may have been supported by some positive parenting regarding who you are, instead of what you look like.

This is the absolute key to raising a strong and confident woman, who will tend to be quite happy with herself on the whole, as long as she reaches her own personal goals, etc.

It would be really interesting to know how your parents viewed you and your future.

Many thanks,
Miss Redd

ViceVersa

For me, it's definitely a case of 'what you never had, you never miss'. This is why I actively avoid having my photo taken too.

Thanks ViceVersa,

I absolutely understand where you are coming from. At the same time, part of me feels sad.

I'm the same way about having photos taken. At the same time, now that I am getting older, I am a bit sad that I don't have memories of the places and different ages I was, if that makes sense.

I get the feeling that it is us who miss out, due to feeling we do not want to see ourselves in photos, nor do we want anyone to see us.

That's sort of at the heart of what I am sharing here.

If you don't feel you are "attractive" physically, do you feel you have attributes that you feel very happy about?

Of course, only share what you feel you would like to share. I appreciate you having made a post.

Miss Redd

I think vitality is beautiful. A woman who is curious, interested in other people, open-minded, compassionate and growing in wisdom. Everything physical fades rapidly. Like others, I was never particularly stunning. It's easier to age without having got used to beauty as currency. I feel for women for whom theur looks were a kind of power.

I think it's a shame that some people "actively avoid having their photo taken"
To me that is just another reminder of the self consciousness we, well I, have spent a lifetime trying to rid myself of.

Like Rosieandhermaw I much prefer to see natural aging faces than ones heavily "made up" or "worked on" although if it's what makes them happy then so be it.

Franski

I think vitality is beautiful. A woman who is curious, interested in other people, open-minded, compassionate and growing in wisdom. Everything physical fades rapidly. Like others, I was never particularly stunning. It's easier to age without having got used to beauty as currency. I feel for women for whom theur looks were a kind of power.

Absolutely this Franski passion & vitality make people come alive & illuminate their inner selves & that's what I see as beautiful

Luckily I was always considered attractive, never beautiful so it was never I standard I needed to maintain. I can imagine how difficult & sad that might be, looks fade as does our inner energy/presence and I would imagine you could grieve/miss that.

I found that I became less noticed, 'invisible' as I turned 60/61 (64 now) which was something I personally needed to adapt too ... maybe we all have our own struggles!!

As a outdoor bunny, walking/canoeing I was always low maintenence image wise too, so nothing difficult there now either .... I still rarely wear make up apart from lipstick/gloss.

I used to look quite good back in the day. I was the right shape for my teenage years in the 60s - tall, slim, long legs. However, now, at nearly 76, mother nature has been very unkind to me looks wise. I am a physical wreck but doing my best to plod on as best I can

and grateful to still be here.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202506/medium-axdahn-img-2742.png https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202506/medium-6ytmoa-img-2744.jpeg

Compare and contrast Judi Dench and Donatella Versace

Grammaretto

I think it's a shame that some people "actively avoid having their photo taken"
To me that is just another reminder of the self consciousness we, well I, have spent a lifetime trying to rid myself of.

Like Rosieandhermaw I much prefer to see natural aging faces than ones heavily "made up" or "worked on" although if it's what makes them happy then so be it.

When you've spent your childhood being told that you're too fat, not pretty enough etc etc (even by your own mother), then that leaves mental scars which remain with you for a lifetime. If self consciousness was a sport, I could win gold medals at the Olympics. My family always joke that if I ever disappeared, there would be no 'missing person' posters, because there are no photos of me.

I don't think I've ever been bothered about whether people are beautiful or not. It's always been about who people are.

It is very unfair that beautiful looking people seem to get on better despite not being as talented as someone else who hasn't been bestowed with good looks.
I've found through quite a long life (nearly 80) that the most interesting and often nicest people aren't particularly good looking. I wonder if beautiful people feel they don't have to try very hard?
I think like others that concentrating on health, keeping as fit as you can is more important than than trying to look good.

We'll when you lose your hair through alopecia, like me, you're totally stuffed looks wise.

I'm 80 years old, I like to wear makeup and have my hair looking nice, and I'd rather see someone with a smile on their face, that someone who has had work done over the years and can't smile because their skin won't stretch anymore

The majority of the people my age that I know are neither the most beautiful nor the most intelligent, (though some like to think they are!) The ones who make the greatest impression are those who refine their best features/personality traits and subtly disguise their faults. We can all work at that, whatever age.

In what situations do you feel unfairly treated and invisible MissRedd? Is it when you don’t get the jobs you’ve applied for?
The IT industry moves so quickly, being out any length of time will mean a lot has moved on, cloud computing, AI and cybersecurity are now the required skills.

A smiling face is an attractive face generally speaking, as is a natural look.
Too much ‘work’ can look very strange.
Personally speaking I don’t worry about ageing as it’s what happens if you live long enough.

ViceVersa

For me, it's definitely a case of 'what you never had, you never miss'. This is why I actively avoid having my photo taken too.

In a nutshell!
That goes for me too.

However, sometimes photos are unavoidable. When family say "Oh, that's a good one of you" I think good grief, it's awful.

This reminded me of my lovely Mum.

When she was in her eighties she was peering in a mirror when she said “It must be so much easier getting old if you’ve always been ugly!”

I like to be very spiritual and say I don't care what I look like but I do and I put some effort. I've never been a beauty and I'm ageing now so will never be on the cover of Vogue. It matters to me and it matters to my husband that I'm happy so yes, I do spend on hair, nails, make up, clothes. I do mind very much about getting old especially as things are going wrong healthwise for both of us so self care, good food, days out, holidays etc are all part of both of us clinging on to life I suppose.

I feel a bit cheated in that I never looked good in my youth but found myself ageing much better than many in my peer group when I hit my middle years. However, having pretty much shut myself away from the world during the pandemic and then continuing it way past that time, when I did decide to re emerge into the world my always thin hair had all but disappeared and my face (especially my eyes) had dropped to the extent that I could no longer wear the make up that I’d always worn.

Let me put it very briefly, with decades upon decades of experience, awards, accolades and certifications, I could not get a job, not even as a customer care admin for 10 pound and hour. My CVs were turned down again and again. I still have the file, there are hundreds.

I'm wondering if the tech world is full of young whiz kids? Young, predominantly male? And possibly chauvinistic and ageist too.

It's not you, it's them.