I hate flying

I have only flown once about 25 years ago and I should have continued but as the years went on my fear grew and grew up to the point where now there is not enough money in the world that would make me go on a plane. My partner (civil partner) and I either drive, (2016 we drove to South of France) or we take the train or we cruise. In this way I've been to places I never dreamt I would go to. Have been to St Petersburg, many places in Europe, Scandinavia and America and Canada, using boat then train and hire car. Whilst I am very aware that we are lucky to be able to afford the extra cost of some of these trips (flying is often much cheaper) nothing is impossible with a little planning.

i hate flying,prefer boat,train or car/good thing i live where there are lots of places i can travel to by land

I have gone off flying big time and don’t think I can get on a plane ever again, but my son is going to Australia next week for a year or so with his girlfriend. What If they don’t come back!! I’ll have to be drugged up and stuffed into the hold. I just hope they come back as they plan to

Zero fatalities from commercial flying last year.
June 2016 -June 2017: 1,710 UK road fatalities and 176,500 casualties of all severities.

That said, if you don't like flying and you don't have to fly, why put yourself through it?

I understand that air is a tangible substance that supports aircraft in the air but I do get a temporary adrenalin surge if the plane encounters turbulence. I reckon most people feel the same. There's a thread somewhere on here about hypnotherapy that might be something to try before giving up completely.

I don’t have any of these fears and fly fairly regularly often on my own but I do have other anxieties so understand where you are coming from but in my experience you hav3 to go through your fear especially if there’s a ‘treat’ at the other end
I would think because you’ve always flown and say you have travelled extensively over the years your husband is not really taking this very seriously He may just not understand where this is coming from I would say swallow your fears and fly,as travelling alone with luggage in a train across (Europe I m guessing) would surely be much more stressful, well it would for me

I'm the same. Do beta blockers work?

Jeannie99 - it’s a dilemma. I’ve read the comments with great interest. It seems to me that many people really cannot understand what it’s like to have a phobia or a real fear of flying. It reminds me of people telling others with addictions to “just give up” or to people with mental health issues or depression to “just pull yourself together”
It appears that you’ve had a longstanding problem which you’ve tried to overcome by putting yourself through the process. You have been the one “compromising” all your life. You’ve got to the stage where the problem is escalating or maybe your tolerance is decreasing.
I think some posters have suggested really good ideas. The courses and the hypnotherapy sound like good options.
Not sure about the solo rail travelling if you haven’t done that before.
I do agree that your husband should try to understand your feelings and show more support. He appears to be unwilling to compromise by trying your way, even though you have been compromising for years by going his preferred way.
The rail trip together sounds great.
What about trying the rail trip together but if it isn’t a success, you agreeing to seek other help?

For many years I was terrified of flying, waiting for take-off my knees would shake uncontrollably, my teeth clatter and I would grip DH’s hand tightly. About 15yrs ago on a flight I inadvertently dug my (longish) nails into DH’s hand, he shouted at me in front of everyone and I was mortified. I swore from that moment I would never let him ever see me showing fear in a plane again and I haven’t. I’ve flown several times a year since then with no problems.

I hate it too so l really sympathise. It's more about being shut in l think as l'm really claustrophobic. Don't mind the take off or the landing. It's when they start telling you how many hundred feet off the ground you are! But l think your problem is more about your husband's attitude. Stick to your guns though and don't let him make you feel guilty about it. It would be a different story if it was the other way around.

My daughter became scared of flying after a particularly turbulent flight 12 years ago, vowed she’d never fly again. Then her brother moved abroad, and we persuaded her that our DGC needed to see where their uncle lived! She had hypnosis, and she was still a bit scared, but we all went together and she did it. It was the first flight for the DGC and they loved it! Hopefully we’ll all go again later this year.

Merlotgran.
Airports, not the flying part, is what now prevents me from visiting my overseas family.
Take off was always exhilarating and I wanted to say, Can we do it again?. I loved flying and could never get enough.
If I had a good book,watch a film, maybe sleep during long haul no problem but several hours in an airport, prior to, became my biggest turn off.. Queue for this, queue for that, finding a seat to sit and drink a coffee only to find it cold when you did manage to find one. Irritating and perhaps to some they are silly things but for me I am now at the ' can't be doing with this' stage .
Does this come with age?

I also hate flying, fortunately I rarely have to, but I am frightened the whole time, I know it’s safer than driving but it’s also the fear of heights, and nowadays it isn’t just accidents it’s some lunatic deciding to blow it up!

Thankfully we love holidays on the Isle of Wight, I can swim but I can’t fly is how I see it.

You are the voice of reason on here Eglantine21 I always admire your reasoned comments.

I live on an island and consequently it’s a necessity for people here if we want to travel ( boats are not always an option) several people do use hypnosis.
A friend of mine used to be terrified of flying until she tried this and is now gets excited by the sound of a plane, and always looks forward to her next trip!

my mother hated flying and used to take tranquilisers, which the dr. used to prescribe for her - seemed to do the trick! I do sympathise though, I never feel comfortable on a flight.

Somebody said "why should he have to change his travel plans to suit you"? Personally, I think it's rather mean of him. If my partner was terrified of flying and there was an alternative, I'm fairly sure I would want to accompany him on the journey rather than travel separately. From what the OP has said, she has flown in the past and has been terrified and she feels she cannot cope with any more anxiety. Why can't he adjust his own travel plans for a change - surely that would be the kind thing to do?

I'd go by train and stop over in one or two beautiful continental cities on the way. Then gush enthusiastically about how wonderful your trip was and that you are looking forward to doing it again next time. You might really enjoy yourself.

I have only flown once but it is not the fear of flying (I loved it) but the hours spent in the Airport, hanging around that I can't bear.

I travel to see DM twice a year, I drive on my own (no choice I'm a Widow), almost 300 miles each way & I hate Motorways. Just have to be relaxed & stop when necessary.

I love travelling by Train, my preferred option would be to go by Train, lovely to see the countryside as you go through different countries (or counties in UK), I find it much more relaxing.

Some airlines, BA do it, run courses for people who are scared of flying and I understand these are very good.

Hypnotherapy is probably way to go. In an earlier thread I mentioned my friend who is a therapist. I referred a friend of mine who had booked a flight to New Zealand to see her son and was terrified. she saw my friend and was absolutely fine flying after that. If you live in the South East of England then PM me and I will let you have her contacts.

Easy jet do an online course with a free booklet to down load.
fearlessflyer.easyjet.com/

Nearly every airport there is a company doing a course such as BA or Virgin
British Airways Flying with Confidence course. This tailored one day course can help you fight your fear of flying. The course is run by British Airways pilots and crew, supported by a clinical psychologist. It also includes a short flight at the end of the day so you can practice everything you've learned.

Hypnosis can help and go to your GP again. Modern medication can be better. You should try the regime you decide on before you actually go on holiday so that you know what medication works for you.

Hope you are successful in finding a way forward.

jeannie99 - maybe I've missed this but I don't find any mention of where exactly your son lives - the fact that your hubby says you can take the train yourself suggests it might be relatively close (France or at least using France as the gateway). There are lots of questions to be asked in this respect as travelling by train in Europe can be anything but straightforward if you don't speak the language. Last summer for example, hubby and myself and daughter's-in-laws travelled by train to the south of France to join daughter and son-in-law and GCs for a special birthday. Despite all seats being booked in advance the return journey was a nightmare as a fire on the line created 4 hour delays on all trains - all four of us speak reasonable French but negotiating the pandemonium was not easy and whilst we did this I would have hated to have been alone as we all pulled on the collective support we gave each other. As it was we missed our connection at Paris and ended up in long queues, so long that we didn't even have time to board the next Eurostar - it was a bureaucratic hell. So what I am saying to you is that the train isn't always a good option to flying and should you decide to do that you may end up with the same emotional trauma as you feel when stepping on a plane. You will miss out if you don't overcome this fear - try some CBT - list all the pros and minimise the cons - your hubby may have his own fears about his capacity to manage the train(s) - does he speak the language(s) he may need, could he cope in an emergency, do you think he feels that the train journey would expose him to his own weaknesses?

I can see both sides. I think that you should do as he suggests. Go with a friend if you can but otherwise try to see it as a bit of an adventure.
It would be nicer for you if he could be supportive but it can be difficult if you can't put yourself in the other person's shoes and I think we are all a bit guilty of that sometimes.

I know what you are going through, jeanie. My fear of travelling by car is getting worse and I just don't know if I can carry on going on long car journeys. Even short ones are a source of anxiety, I worry about them for days in advance. I feel unsafe all the time, and those statistics that point out that it is far safer to travel by plane than car do NOT work in my favour. I tried to learn to drive in my younger days but was very scared however many lessons I had and never passed my test.

Ha ha ! I have the very opposite problem ...love flying, love airports, love holidays .......no money and a husband who cannot be left Last holiday 10 years ago .......

Good suggestions on here ....I was thinking the same about the 'fear of flying' course that some companies run ...you could Google it perhaps ? I also love long train journeys ..and if your family live in Europe, there are loads of fast trains connecting the UK and most European cities ...OR ..what about something like Leger Travel or another coach holiday company They are quite cheap ...and you can use them just to get to your destination and then just say you will see them on the way back ...no need to go anywhere during the week with them ! and there is also the National Express Eurolines service that covers most European cities as well ...you can connect with it at London Victoria, or maybe some other town (not sure, I have always in the past used Victoria) ...it is more like a student thing, and SO cheap ...AND you have the added security of not travelling alone ....except maybe to reach your final destination if its not one of their scheduled stops ! It can be done .....please don't let it stop you going ! Ah I wish !...You can look up all these options on line ....there is another UK coach co that does holidays ...it is always advertising, but at the moment the name escapes me ......good luck

If you really can't face flying then you can choose to go by the long land route but I don't see why you think your husband should be coerced to accompany you. My guess is, if you did it once, you'd soon be back on a plane next time as it's so much more convenient.