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I hate flying

(93 Posts)
jeanie99 Sat 06-Jan-18 09:28:15

I've flown hundreds of times since my first flight in 1970 but still hate the whole process. Turbulence terrifies me I am a complete wreck if it is really bad. I am so relieved when we eventually arrive at our destination I could kiss the ground.
In the early years my GP prescribed medication for me, I walked about like a zombie, I've also tried the drink method that makes me feel ill.
All the you have more chance of being killed in an accidents on the road than a chance of being killed in the air really doesn't do anything for me.
I've got to the stage now where I really do not want to fly again but we have a son and family who live outside the UK.
I suggested to my hubby that when we next visit we could go by train and make a holiday of it staying off at a couple of cities but he won't hear of it. He said he would fly and I can take the longer route.
I thought he would support me in this, unless you hate flying you have no idea what it is like.
Do other members feel like I do.

tanith Sat 06-Jan-18 09:38:07

My husband has flying phobia and has never got over it enough to set foot in a plane. I've tried everything to persuade him over the years even emotional blackmail hasn't worked. I've suggested the train too, as our son and his family live abroad but the train is pretty expensive for us.

It has stopped him enjoying so much and since he's been ill I've had to hold off flying out to visit so it's affected my life to a degree. It's very frustrating but I understand how scared he is but in your case as you've already overcome the fear many times I suppose your husbands reaction is a little understandable.
I don't know what the answer is apart from gentle persuasion on your part.

annsixty Sat 06-Jan-18 09:40:34

Yes I do.
Like you I know it is totally illogical but it is what it is.
The figures that show that 2017 was the safest year in aviation history, doesn't help me.
Fortunately or sadly I think my flying days are done, even holidays are out for me, so my problem is solved but I really feel for you jeannie with your family living abroad.
My D and her H and S lived in the West Indies for 3 years, it was paradise and I made myself go twice but it was horrendous for me.
Good luck in finding a solution or compromise .

PamelaJ1 Sat 06-Jan-18 09:46:18

Hypnosis? There is a thread running on that subject at the moment

Eglantine21 Sat 06-Jan-18 09:47:46

Could you not just do what he suggests? Then you're both happy!

vampirequeen Sat 06-Jan-18 09:56:47

I have never been in an airplane. I feel sick when I see them in the air. Even now just thinking about it whilst I write this has made me feel shaky.

I don't understand why your husband can't be more understanding unless he's worried that if you avoid a plane once then it will end up with you never being able to fly.

Teetime Sat 06-Jan-18 10:06:12

I really don't enjoy flying but maybe not as much as others do. I hate the whole airport business and the hanging about and am more inclined to holiday in GB now. It must be a problem if you have family abroad. How about some CBT -or hypnosis.

jeanie99 Sat 06-Jan-18 10:42:51

Thank you everyone for your comments.
I just feel I have got to an age now where I just don't want to put myself thru the ordeal of flying again and all that comes with it.
Life can be short and all the stress I have with this problem is not worth it but I did think my husband would be more supportive which upsets me.

KatyK Sat 06-Jan-18 10:55:03

I have always hated flying to the extent where I have made myself ill before a flight. I used to constantly watc the crew to see if they were still smiling! I'm not so bad now. I don't like it but I don't get so nervy. I hate airports too, especially these days. I bought a tape and a book a few years ago which helped. It was called something like 'Flying no Fear' although I can't really remember.

kittylester Sat 06-Jan-18 10:55:15

I hate flying too. I do it If necessary but spend most of the time petrified. Flying to Japan 3 times in 2 years was the giddy limit as far as I'm concerned.

lemongrove Sat 06-Jan-18 11:02:12

What a problem for those of you fearful of planes.
I hate the whole airport thing at both ends, but the actual flying doesn’t bother me.Having said that, being more or less seat bound for several hours is a trial, I can’t wait to get off and walk about.
I have heard that hypnosis for fear of flying is very successful.

Oldwoman70 Sat 06-Jan-18 11:18:35

When I first went on a plane I was terrified (especially the take off and landing), over the years I gradually improved although I can't say I enjoy it. What I find works for me is once I am settled in my seat, I close my eyes and do some deep breathing exercises and then imagine myself in my happy place (in my case it is a favourite holiday destination), anywhere you love to be - a beach, garden etc. Concentrate on that place whilst breathing deeply and slowly. I find this calms me until the take off or landing is over. During the flight I sometimes listen to an audio book which takes my mind off the flying.

merlotgran Sat 06-Jan-18 11:24:44

We no longer fly because DH can't cope with airport stress and I can no longer cope with him not coping!!

The flight itself is fine. It's the getting on and off that has made us decide it's no longer for us.

I do think the OP's DH sounds a little selfish not to make allowances. His way or the highway? hmm

Elrel Sat 06-Jan-18 11:33:50

Oldwoman - yes, I'm similar to you, I take a favourite book (not the same one each time!) but haven't tried an audiobook.

Craicon Sat 06-Jan-18 11:42:36

I have to agree with your DH. Why should he have to change his travel plans to suit you?
He’s not stopping you travelling by train but you want to stop him travelling by air.
I wouldn’t want to waste time on long train journeys when I could travel to my destination in a few short hours.

Luckygirl Sat 06-Jan-18 11:56:53

I also HATE flying. The last time I did it I vowed I would never ever do it again; that life was too short to put myself through the misery.

My hatred of it stems from the first flight I ever took which was on a small prop plane which was seriously buffeted about - utterly horrendous. And I spent the whole holiday worrying about the flight back - which was delayed by a plane crashing on the runway!

I think that the stats that tell you that flying is the safest method of travel are flawed - it does not look so good if you look at the deaths per accident, as opposed to deaths per mile travelled.

In any event flying is a huge environmental disaster for the planet and those of us who do not fly are doing our bit to save the planet.

eazybee Sat 06-Jan-18 12:03:33

Why don't you try travelling by train and let him fly? It might make you decide a few short hours in a plane are worth it, or alternatively, you might enjoy a couple of stress-free days sitting watching the scenery.
Try it and see.

lemongrove Sat 06-Jan-18 16:19:41

I don’t think that train travel is all that relaxing, especially with many changes and lugging cases about.

TerriBull Sat 06-Jan-18 17:42:28

Me too OP, I have been to many places since childhood, but each successive flight still gives me extreme anxiety. Our last long flights were 4 yeas ago when we went to Argentina and Brazil. I got some Diazapan which helped a bit. There are still places left that I would love to see, but the flying part increasingly makes me lose enthusiasm. I really hate turbulence, not that I've ever experienced it in it's extreme. The increased, but very necessary security checks pre flight also crank up my tension levels. However, once I'm there, wherever that happens to be, it does seem worth it. It just that these days somehow chucking some bags in the car and driving off somewhere in the British Isles, which certainly woudn't have excited me in my younger days, is becoming far more appealing.

Nandalot Sat 06-Jan-18 20:41:33

I don’t really have much help to offer, just commiserations. I hate flying too and we are flying on Tuesday to the start of our cruise to celebrate our Golden Wedding. I try not to think about until we are there. I used to take beta blockers and brandy ( I don’t usually drink much and certainly never spirits) but my doctor won’t prescribe beta blockers any more because of my asthma. I have to time the brandy so that I am just mellow enough to be able to board as it is take off and turbulence that gets me. I can cope with landing. The flight on Tuesday is ten hours. Wish me luck!

Nandalot Sat 06-Jan-18 20:43:01

My late mum said she thought it stemmed from when I was a baby flying back home from India when I was violently sick for most of the way. Doesn’t help knowing why!

thecatgrandma Sun 07-Jan-18 10:09:56

I’d go go my own, either make him feel really bad at being such an unsupportive selfish husband or dump him. But that’s because I can never understand why I’ve stayed with mine for 40 years! It depends what the rest of your marriage is like, but if it’s your son and grandchildren I’d expect him to be supportive. I completely understand why you don’t feel you should continue to put yourself through this, why can’t he be the one to compromise for once?

Eglantine21 Sun 07-Jan-18 10:44:20

Hmm, we don't know that he's the one who never compromises the cat grandma.In this case it's the poster who wants him to do what she wants. Maybe that's always been the way and this is the first time he's said no. He's offered a compromise. He'll go on the plane, she can go on the train.
That's what compromise is.
Maybe the thought of crossing the sea by boat or tunnel is horrific to him. Maybe he's worried about the safety record of railways or the thought of tracks that hang over the edge of mountains.
Has the OP asked what his objections are? Or is she focused on her own feelings and her fear of flight?

inishowen Sun 07-Jan-18 10:50:48

My sister in law developed a fear of flying quite recently, after a lifetime of flying for work. Her family now live in Australia and she was upset that she couldn't go and visit. The solution was to send the fare to them so they could come and see her. I don't know if this would work out for you?

Humbertbear Sun 07-Jan-18 10:56:52

If you decide to travel by train on your own you could keep a small overnight case with you and use one of those services that collect your luggage and deliver it at the other end. Some tour operators recommend this. But it seems a pity that he isn’t prepared to change his plans And try your idea of a couple of stops in interesting cities. After all Marriage is full of compromises. My husband can no longer travel but he is quite happy for me to go abroad and to my shame I had four trips last year. I hope you can work this out and who k own, you might enjoy travelling on your own and the freedom it can give you