I hate flying

My husband has flying phobia and has never got over it enough to set foot in a plane. I've tried everything to persuade him over the years even emotional blackmail hasn't worked. I've suggested the train too, as our son and his family live abroad but the train is pretty expensive for us.

It has stopped him enjoying so much and since he's been ill I've had to hold off flying out to visit so it's affected my life to a degree. It's very frustrating but I understand how scared he is but in your case as you've already overcome the fear many times I suppose your husbands reaction is a little understandable.
I don't know what the answer is apart from gentle persuasion on your part.

Yes I do.
Like you I know it is totally illogical but it is what it is.
The figures that show that 2017 was the safest year in aviation history, doesn't help me.
Fortunately or sadly I think my flying days are done, even holidays are out for me, so my problem is solved but I really feel for you jeannie with your family living abroad.
My D and her H and S lived in the West Indies for 3 years, it was paradise and I made myself go twice but it was horrendous for me.
Good luck in finding a solution or compromise .

Hypnosis? There is a thread running on that subject at the moment

Could you not just do what he suggests? Then you're both happy!

I have never been in an airplane. I feel sick when I see them in the air. Even now just thinking about it whilst I write this has made me feel shaky.

I don't understand why your husband can't be more understanding unless he's worried that if you avoid a plane once then it will end up with you never being able to fly.

I really don't enjoy flying but maybe not as much as others do. I hate the whole airport business and the hanging about and am more inclined to holiday in GB now. It must be a problem if you have family abroad. How about some CBT -or hypnosis.

Thank you everyone for your comments.
I just feel I have got to an age now where I just don't want to put myself thru the ordeal of flying again and all that comes with it.
Life can be short and all the stress I have with this problem is not worth it but I did think my husband would be more supportive which upsets me.

I have always hated flying to the extent where I have made myself ill before a flight. I used to constantly watc the crew to see if they were still smiling! I'm not so bad now. I don't like it but I don't get so nervy. I hate airports too, especially these days. I bought a tape and a book a few years ago which helped. It was called something like 'Flying no Fear' although I can't really remember.

I hate flying too. I do it If necessary but spend most of the time petrified. Flying to Japan 3 times in 2 years was the giddy limit as far as I'm concerned.

What a problem for those of you fearful of planes.
I hate the whole airport thing at both ends, but the actual flying doesn’t bother me.Having said that, being more or less seat bound for several hours is a trial, I can’t wait to get off and walk about.
I have heard that hypnosis for fear of flying is very successful.

When I first went on a plane I was terrified (especially the take off and landing), over the years I gradually improved although I can't say I enjoy it. What I find works for me is once I am settled in my seat, I close my eyes and do some deep breathing exercises and then imagine myself in my happy place (in my case it is a favourite holiday destination), anywhere you love to be - a beach, garden etc. Concentrate on that place whilst breathing deeply and slowly. I find this calms me until the take off or landing is over. During the flight I sometimes listen to an audio book which takes my mind off the flying.

We no longer fly because DH can't cope with airport stress and I can no longer cope with him not coping!!

The flight itself is fine. It's the getting on and off that has made us decide it's no longer for us.

I do think the OP's DH sounds a little selfish not to make allowances. His way or the highway?

Oldwoman - yes, I'm similar to you, I take a favourite book (not the same one each time!) but haven't tried an audiobook.

I have to agree with your DH. Why should he have to change his travel plans to suit you?
He’s not stopping you travelling by train but you want to stop him travelling by air.
I wouldn’t want to waste time on long train journeys when I could travel to my destination in a few short hours.

I also HATE flying. The last time I did it I vowed I would never ever do it again; that life was too short to put myself through the misery.

My hatred of it stems from the first flight I ever took which was on a small prop plane which was seriously buffeted about - utterly horrendous. And I spent the whole holiday worrying about the flight back - which was delayed by a plane crashing on the runway!

I think that the stats that tell you that flying is the safest method of travel are flawed - it does not look so good if you look at the deaths per accident, as opposed to deaths per mile travelled.

In any event flying is a huge environmental disaster for the planet and those of us who do not fly are doing our bit to save the planet.

Why don't you try travelling by train and let him fly? It might make you decide a few short hours in a plane are worth it, or alternatively, you might enjoy a couple of stress-free days sitting watching the scenery.
Try it and see.

I don’t think that train travel is all that relaxing, especially with many changes and lugging cases about.

Me too OP, I have been to many places since childhood, but each successive flight still gives me extreme anxiety. Our last long flights were 4 yeas ago when we went to Argentina and Brazil. I got some Diazapan which helped a bit. There are still places left that I would love to see, but the flying part increasingly makes me lose enthusiasm. I really hate turbulence, not that I've ever experienced it in it's extreme. The increased, but very necessary security checks pre flight also crank up my tension levels. However, once I'm there, wherever that happens to be, it does seem worth it. It just that these days somehow chucking some bags in the car and driving off somewhere in the British Isles, which certainly woudn't have excited me in my younger days, is becoming far more appealing.

I don’t really have much help to offer, just commiserations. I hate flying too and we are flying on Tuesday to the start of our cruise to celebrate our Golden Wedding. I try not to think about until we are there. I used to take beta blockers and brandy ( I don’t usually drink much and certainly never spirits) but my doctor won’t prescribe beta blockers any more because of my asthma. I have to time the brandy so that I am just mellow enough to be able to board as it is take off and turbulence that gets me. I can cope with landing. The flight on Tuesday is ten hours. Wish me luck!

My late mum said she thought it stemmed from when I was a baby flying back home from India when I was violently sick for most of the way. Doesn’t help knowing why!

I’d go go my own, either make him feel really bad at being such an unsupportive selfish husband or dump him. But that’s because I can never understand why I’ve stayed with mine for 40 years! It depends what the rest of your marriage is like, but if it’s your son and grandchildren I’d expect him to be supportive. I completely understand why you don’t feel you should continue to put yourself through this, why can’t he be the one to compromise for once?

Hmm, we don't know that he's the one who never compromises the cat grandma.In this case it's the poster who wants him to do what she wants. Maybe that's always been the way and this is the first time he's said no. He's offered a compromise. He'll go on the plane, she can go on the train.
That's what compromise is.
Maybe the thought of crossing the sea by boat or tunnel is horrific to him. Maybe he's worried about the safety record of railways or the thought of tracks that hang over the edge of mountains.
Has the OP asked what his objections are? Or is she focused on her own feelings and her fear of flight?

My sister in law developed a fear of flying quite recently, after a lifetime of flying for work. Her family now live in Australia and she was upset that she couldn't go and visit. The solution was to send the fare to them so they could come and see her. I don't know if this would work out for you?

If you decide to travel by train on your own you could keep a small overnight case with you and use one of those services that collect your luggage and deliver it at the other end. Some tour operators recommend this. But it seems a pity that he isn’t prepared to change his plans And try your idea of a couple of stops in interesting cities. After all Marriage is full of compromises. My husband can no longer travel but he is quite happy for me to go abroad and to my shame I had four trips last year. I hope you can work this out and who k own, you might enjoy travelling on your own and the freedom it can give you