I hate flying

I hate sitting in an airport for hours before a flight, anticipating flying for me is worse than actually flying!

I used to fly frequently, and actually loved it. Now I won't fly at all - it's not the fear of flying so much as the airport stuff and the dreadful claustrophobia I feel once on board. Just the idea of being squashed into a small space, facing the back of another seat........gives me the horrors just thinking about it now.

Luckily my DH feels the same, and we holiday in the UK or we cruise from the UK. If he felt differently, I suppose we'd each have to compromise every other year.

The OP and her OH need to sit and talk about the situation calmly, and perhaps they can come up with a solution......such as the one her OH suggested!

There are days that you can go on with people who are scared of flying when you are talked through what happens on a flight and then you actually go on a short one with people supporting you. Would you consider trying it?

There are days that you can go on with people who are scared of flying when you are talked through what happens on a flight and then you actually go on a short one with people supporting you. Would you consider trying it?

There are days that you can go on with people who are scared of flying when you are talked through what happens on a flight and then you actually go on a short one with people supporting you. Would you consider trying it?

I was keen to fly at any opportunity until coming back from one holiday a few years ago. Out of my window I saw a military jet (miles away presumably) but that set off an irrational anxiety in me. ie What if it shoots us down?

Since then I am less keen to fly. I haven't mentioned it to anyone because I know it is stupid.

You don't mention how far away your family lives, whether you can afford to go by train, or whether driving the whole way in your own car would be an option, or whether you could sail there, or by sailing to for instance Hoek van Holland taking the train the rest of the way would be an option?

As far as I can see, you can either go on flying even although you hate it and are becoming increasingly scared of it, or take the train on you own. After all, why should your husband be deprived of two or three days with the family because you are afraid of flying.

I do understand you feel hurt that he is not more supportive here, but many people do find it impossible to understand that someone who is afraid of something they are not afraid of can't just get over it.

By taking the train on your own, you will still be able to visit your family and not have to argue with your husband about it, I hope.

As some of the others suggest, your husband may be feeling hurt that you don't see his point of view here.

Merlotgran have you ever thought of getting assistance for your husband when travelling. This is a free service. You still have to check in but then they will take him by wheelchair and/or electric buggy to the gate helping you through security etc. You will be able to go with him.

I ask it for my husband as he can't do the long walks to the gate at some airports. You also have the same service at your destination.

I feel that not being able to cope with the stress of the airport procedure is as debilitating as not being able to walk. Maybe something you would consider if you needed to take a flight,

You've admittedly flown hundreds of times, and are still here to tell the tale.
I am with your husband on this one, at least he is willing to compromise, your go via the train, your choice, he continues to fly.

Let him fly and you take the longer route. It will be fascinating visiting a couple of cities, even if you are on your own.
Do you have a friend who could travel with you?
And when your DH sees you are adamant he may deign to accompany you.

I used to be terrified of flying and holidays were miserable as I hated the flight there then spent the holiday dreading the flight home. I did however want to travel so I did the " Flying with Confidence" course run by BA and it was fantastic. Not only did they explain the physics of flying but a psychologist gave some really helpful tips about what to do if panic starts to set in ( helpful in everyday life too). Don't know where you live but I did the course at Glasgow Airport. Good luck.

Every time I fly from Oz to Europe I laugh about paying such vast sums of money for the dubious pleasure of being strapped into a seat for 24-30 hours. Sheer madness! I also have to go though a relaxation process, (eg. stop gripping the arms of the seat so tightly) and do my deep breathing exercises. I then glue my eyes to the screen as a distraction and watch about 50 movies!! Unfortunately I can't read on planes, boats or trains; would if I could. But I do get there - eventually. If your fear of flying is insurmountable why not go by train and think of it as an adventure. I love long train journeys. You just have to sit and look out the windows admiring the views and have a bite to eat at regular intervals. What's not to like? Then meet up with your husband and family with lots of stories to tell. Just do your homework first so you have tickets, connections and overnight accommodation (if needed) all sorted and booked before you leave. Good planning really does reduce anxieties. Bon voyage.

Some arlines provide overcoming fear of flying courses which are a day long, maybe that would help. I too hate it, that feeling of being out of control..........

I once flew home from Paris and sat next to a gorgeous young man and that seemed to take my mind off the ordeal. I wonder if I could pre book him?

Hypnosis is excellent for this sort of thing.

Do BA still do their ' overcome fear of flying' courses.

Also tell your husband "I have travelled with you your way <insert count here> number of times. Now it's only fair you travel with me my way <insert reasonable number> of times"

You need to pretend you've visited the doctor and he told you that your blood pressure needs watching and has advised you to avoid stress. They'll never know unless they have access to your medical records.

You should have done what I did - I have ALWAYS refused to fly. My family are completely used to it and don't expect me to. The problem you made for yourself is showing the family that you can force yourself to do it. Now they expect you to go on being able to force yourself.

Have you considered the option that your husband suggests? Does lone travel make you nervous too? My husband for health reasons is no longer able to fly and I therefore fly to see my family abroad on my own. I felt perfectly safe.

If you decide to travel by train on your own you could keep a small overnight case with you and use one of those services that collect your luggage and deliver it at the other end. Some tour operators recommend this. But it seems a pity that he isn’t prepared to change his plans And try your idea of a couple of stops in interesting cities. After all Marriage is full of compromises. My husband can no longer travel but he is quite happy for me to go abroad and to my shame I had four trips last year. I hope you can work this out and who k own, you might enjoy travelling on your own and the freedom it can give you

My sister in law developed a fear of flying quite recently, after a lifetime of flying for work. Her family now live in Australia and she was upset that she couldn't go and visit. The solution was to send the fare to them so they could come and see her. I don't know if this would work out for you?

Hmm, we don't know that he's the one who never compromises the cat grandma.In this case it's the poster who wants him to do what she wants. Maybe that's always been the way and this is the first time he's said no. He's offered a compromise. He'll go on the plane, she can go on the train.
That's what compromise is.
Maybe the thought of crossing the sea by boat or tunnel is horrific to him. Maybe he's worried about the safety record of railways or the thought of tracks that hang over the edge of mountains.
Has the OP asked what his objections are? Or is she focused on her own feelings and her fear of flight?

I’d go go my own, either make him feel really bad at being such an unsupportive selfish husband or dump him. But that’s because I can never understand why I’ve stayed with mine for 40 years! It depends what the rest of your marriage is like, but if it’s your son and grandchildren I’d expect him to be supportive. I completely understand why you don’t feel you should continue to put yourself through this, why can’t he be the one to compromise for once?

My late mum said she thought it stemmed from when I was a baby flying back home from India when I was violently sick for most of the way. Doesn’t help knowing why!

I don’t really have much help to offer, just commiserations. I hate flying too and we are flying on Tuesday to the start of our cruise to celebrate our Golden Wedding. I try not to think about until we are there. I used to take beta blockers and brandy ( I don’t usually drink much and certainly never spirits) but my doctor won’t prescribe beta blockers any more because of my asthma. I have to time the brandy so that I am just mellow enough to be able to board as it is take off and turbulence that gets me. I can cope with landing. The flight on Tuesday is ten hours. Wish me luck!

Me too OP, I have been to many places since childhood, but each successive flight still gives me extreme anxiety. Our last long flights were 4 yeas ago when we went to Argentina and Brazil. I got some Diazapan which helped a bit. There are still places left that I would love to see, but the flying part increasingly makes me lose enthusiasm. I really hate turbulence, not that I've ever experienced it in it's extreme. The increased, but very necessary security checks pre flight also crank up my tension levels. However, once I'm there, wherever that happens to be, it does seem worth it. It just that these days somehow chucking some bags in the car and driving off somewhere in the British Isles, which certainly woudn't have excited me in my younger days, is becoming far more appealing.