What kind of traveller are you?

Good for you, you so so deserve it. And so does Ethelwasthere.

Fleurpepper

icanhandthemback - not necessarily a question of 'walking away' as such, but putting boundaries that allow time out, and time on yourself- on a daily, weekly, montly basis- and for regular holidays- even at home, round the corner, in the UK or wherever.

Yes, I used the wrong expression really. I think I meant walking away from her when I was going through the guilt tripping and brow beating along with walking away for long enough to have a respite break. My sister moved right away so a fortnightly visit is the most she can manage and sometimes not even that as she has a job and health problems of her own. She put down her boundaries a long time ago.
Although Mum is in a home now, I am still "caring" by ensuring she is well looked after and visited daily but I am able to resist her guilt tripping about putting her there as I know it was actually the best thing for her and me. I have learned to say that I too have to have a break because I need to recharge my batteries so I can be there for her the rest of the time. .

icanhandthemback - not necessarily a question of 'walking away' as such, but putting boundaries that allow time out, and time on yourself- on a daily, weekly, montly basis- and for regular holidays- even at home, round the corner, in the UK or wherever.

Ethelwashere1- feel desperately sad, and angry, for you. So so difficult- but you must not allow your mother to dictate your life to such an extent. And she can't refuse help and stop you from living your life, even if just for a few days or week.

You truly need to go and see your GP, and ask fro help, advice and support.

You are a victim of cohercive control- and this is just dreadful.

But, at the end of the day, and I truly do NOT want you to think I am criticising you, at all- you are allowing her to do this, and in a way, you are agreeing to being a silent victim.

Don't get angry, don't get bitter- butseek help, and find the courage to say NO- I am here for you 24/7- but I need time for myself too- and a holiday, away. Be it in the UK or elsewhere, or on a cruise.

And DO NOT FEEL GUILTY - YOU are the victim here.

hugs

Ethelwashere1, I know, I've been there and, to an extent, still am. If you have that sort of relationship with a parent where they still hold all the power, it is so difficult to navigate an escape to freedom because it is all you've ever known. I needed help and support to take the little steps to get to the point where I could make bigger ones. The more you practise, the easier it becomes. I keep telling myself that my sister managed to walk away so I should be able to as well.
Take care.

To icanhandthemback. Thank you fir your comment. My mother will just not have anyone in her house. She won’t pay for any help, she will make me feel bad if I left her. Emotional blackmail has many different forms

Ethelwashere1

I would love a holiday but am trapped by my mother. She won’t pay for care and can’t be left for long. I really wish I had the courage to just pack a bag and disappear. I would love another cruise as it’s so relaxing. I would also like to go abroad but not to just laze, that to me is such a waste of time, I would love to go to local shops, sightseeing etc. There are also so many lovely places in the uk that I would live to visit. I envy everyone going on holiday

Call Social Services and get a Carer's Assessment done. They can arrange a care package so you can get some respite care whilst you are away. You owe it to yourself to have a break and your mother owes it to you because you won't be able to look after her if you get overwhelmed by being stuck. Even a few days in this country will be a shot in the arm for you.

I would love a holiday but am trapped by my mother. She won’t pay for care and can’t be left for long. I really wish I had the courage to just pack a bag and disappear. I would love another cruise as it’s so relaxing. I would also like to go abroad but not to just laze, that to me is such a waste of time, I would love to go to local shops, sightseeing etc. There are also so many lovely places in the uk that I would live to visit. I envy everyone going on holiday

Fleurpepper

Sorry did not explain, the Epleys manoeuvre is done by a doctor or physio, 'throwing' the patient around in a specific and precise way, to try to re-arrange the cristals in the inner ear which are causing the nausea and vertigo)

You can also do it yourself.. look at the youtube showing how to do it. I had my initial treatment with my GP, not all GP's are trained and then followed ondoing it myself. It worked

Sorry did not explain, the Epleys manoeuvre is done by a doctor or physio, 'throwing' the patient around in a specific and precise way, to try to re-arrange the cristals in the inner ear which are causing the nausea and vertigo)

Used to love beach holidays with warm sea and water sports - we all enjoyed waterskiing, among others, and dds were true water babies from 2 or 3 - in pool or sea virtually all day - so utterly worn out by bedtime.

Those days are past, but I do still love some warm Vitamin Sea. Greece is a favourite now, since we can combine Vitamin Sea with so many antiquities, traditional village tavernas, etc., not to mention exercising our limited Greek, though dh’s is a lot better than mine, since he worked for many years with Greek speakers on site.

But dh and I have been well off the beaten tourist track several times, inc. in Indonesia, where he was based for a year or so. Lake Toba in particular stands out there, astonishingly scenic - and at the time it was dirt cheap. We had a whole cottage a few steps from the edge of the lake (which was lovely to swim in) for IIRC £12 a night! And eating out was largely on the little verandahs of local people’s houses - they were very happy to cook for the few (at the time) tourists.

A friend of mine suffered from Ménières, a severe form of vertigo. She had the Epleys manoeuvre several times and all sorts of treatments. But it was debilitating and she was not allowed to drive. Her OH was a keen sailor, but she never went with him because of the above. One Summer, he begged her to go with, taking a sailing boat from Croatia to Italy. She finally gave in. One night they had a terrible storm, and she pushed around all over the place, so sick, and very angry. When she woke up- for the first time in years- she was 'cured'. And it never came back.

Thankfully I do not suffer from vertigo, but not being able to travel by bus is a real disadvantage. Local buses with their stopping and starting are where I am most likely to feel queezy. It means taxis to and from the station, which in our area are very expensive, or nearly as expensive car park charges.

Fortunately several park and rides in our local city are within 2 miles of the town centre, so I specifically choose them so that I can walk to and from town rather than use the bus.

It's awful, isn't it, M0nica. At the time I was given the travel advice, I was struggling to get off the sofa. A heavy bout of rain when I was driving back at night, with the windscreen wipers going at full speed, was enough to trigger a vertigo attack which went on for months. The body is an incredible thing...until it goes wrong!

icanhandthemback I am another who suffers from travel sickness. I am alright on a bus or coach travelling down a motorway at a steady speed, but once it is stopping and starting, and going round bends and corners, I go green.

I am OK in cars if I sit in the front or am driving, although a holiday in Wales a couple of years ago, showed that if the roads are bumpy and windy, as they all seemed to be, even driving was no protection against travel sickness.

On ships, I am weather dependent and never travel without seasick pills. We go to France a lot and, fortunately most seasick tablets are based on antihistamins, which have the same effect on me as a blow to the head. I am asleep within minutes and will sleep for hours without waking, no matter how bad the weather, by which time we have arrived. The downside is I feel half with it and drugged for the next 12 hours.

Aveline

How do you manage on 'local transport' if you can't cope with sea travel? I've been far sicker on bumpy local buses than on ships which only cause motion sickness on rough seas but are generally lovely and smooth and glide along.

I don't travel on local transport. I have always suffered with car sickness if I travel in the back and there are certain cars which cause me to be sick in the front. I have always suffered with seasickness too. My Mum had a boat and I couldn't sit on it for long in the Harbour. When I got off it, I got giddy from the land appearing to move. It is the most horrible affliction and according to the consultant, if I went on a cruise, when I got off at the end of it, I might suffer that giddiness on land which would not switch off again. Quite frankly, it wouldn't be worth the risk to me.

Not my idea of cruising any more though janipans. We really only like the much smaller ships that focus on interesting itineraries and don't have pubs/clubs/shows etc.
River cruising is lovely. Slow paced and smaller ships. We always meet up with interesting people and enjoy the company at meals (or not if we prefer). I like that we can land in the centre of small villages and wander off if we want to rather than go on organised tours.

Over my life time have done all sorts. After I was grown up and did not have to travel with parents, I walked and bussed round cornwall, went by road in a mini van and camped all over europe especially to transyllvania, roumania and down to istanbul. Have always loved Venice so tended to call there on the way to or from somewhere else we had visited. Lived for two years in Portugal and was a professional singer there so met many different people and found out lots of things through getting to know people. Worked for a n airline so went to Thailand, never got to Macchu Picu or Ulan Bator, which I had hoped to. Sailed my own old westerly centaur all round outer hebrides and ireland etc etc Lived in Damascus. Done a lot of camping round uk, then when my back didnt allow me to camp did a lot of YHA or b/b on farms mostly. Was never interested in cruising - certainly on big boats- like going alone where you are obliged - well i enjoyed - to speak to local people , but now with health problems and not being able to do all the walking I used to, have been on a Fred Olsen ship to portugal and maderia on a cheap last minute offer. Of course had lived there so didnt go on any trips from the boat but had a great time going by train or bus to old haunts and visitng botanical gardens etc. So am now going up to Norway on another trip. Same Idea, small ship, do my own thing, have been quite a lot to sweden and denmark but never got to Norway. So going on my own cheapest way possible and will enjoy doing my own thing, whilst being able to have excellent food and swim etc on the boat as I need to take it a bit easier than before. enjoy taking my binoculars and getting up very early and just watching the sea, the places and feeling that at least I can still manage to do a bit even if not as I used to be able to. As you say, Each to their own. Dont think I would enjoy a large ship with loads of people but with the pandemic and less people aboard found the firs trip fine. shall see how this one works out.

We like cruising. Turn up at terminal, hand over car keys and cases and very efficient and quick boarding. Disembarkation also well organised. The onboard entertainment is plenty and diverse - theatre, films, pubs, clubs, coffee, guest speakers (Gervaise Phinn on our most recent cruise), art gallery (and art talks) and enough time in ports to make the visit to them worthwhile ... and decide whether it is a place you'd like to re-visit for longer in the future. There are pools and jacuzzi's, a spa and deck games (quoits,shuffleboard, archery crazy golf and even a skywalk activity. You can dine as a twosome or share a table or visit buffet. It's all so easy - especially as we get older.

How do you manage on 'local transport' if you can't cope with sea travel? I've been far sicker on bumpy local buses than on ships which only cause motion sickness on rough seas but are generally lovely and smooth and glide along.

No cruises for me as I suffer badly from Vertigo and have been advised that it could be a permanent thing if I were to go on the water for an extended amount of time.
I am an adventurer willing to take the local transport to visit all the sights, go to non touristy areas to see how the other half live, etc. DH likes a "holiday" so wants to sit in an all inclusive hotel and rest. We compromise. We go to a resort where he can enjoy the food and drink whilst sitting by the pool every other day. On the other days, we go where I want to go. It works or us.

All the cruises we have been on had a proper waiter service restaurant included in the price, as well as the buffet. You could choose to sit with a group or sit in a twosome. We used the buffet for breakfasts and lunches and always sat at a table on our own.
Also have to agree with skate about solo cruising. We met a lovely elderly gentleman who was on his own. As he said, he could be on his own for a week at home seeing no one much or he could take a cruise, meeting new folk. He never got off the boat but just enjoyed all the company, the activities, waiter service for meals and drinks and the staff who really looked after him. It was Tui cruise, always very friendly.

We always booked independently and often had 2 or 3 centre holidays where we would go to cities and see things like galleries or any thing interesting/cultural and then end up on a beach or by a pool for the last week or so for relaxation. Have been on cruises but only on small ships ( Regent Seven Seas) to places like Alaska and Russia where we were able to visit all the sites we wanted to without any of the hassle.

I love cruises, we always eat by ourselves. It’s nice to see new places but it’s very much a whistle stop tour. We booked a tour of Sicily a few years ago and, although I loved Sicily, I hated having to eat with strangers every night. It was made worse by the fact that it was all buffet meals so you weren’t even sitting down at the same time and everybody was bouncing up and down all through the meal to replenish their plates or get their next course whilst other people were still on previous courses. It was like being in a over priced roadside cafe.

Like many on here. We’re a mixture. We like city breaks, road trips and beach holidays . We normally book independently and book self catering or b & b . So that we can experience local cuisine . I detest organised tours so we diy , ditto evening entertainment .If a beach holiday we hire a car to give us independence and alternate beach days and exploring days . On exploring days we jump in the car and head off away from the coast and the crowds . Just meander and sometimes get lost . Finding villages, beautiful churches and restaurants half the price of those on the coast . I also love sitting in squares or piazzas just people watching . My DH is a petrol head , loves driving and one of our dream holidays is a road trip through Italy.
We’ve done AI in Mexico , Cuba and the Dominican Republic and although the hotels have been 5* and fabulous, we get stir crazy after a few days and have to leave to explore the area . Hence we now go b & b in the Caribbean and find a hotel walking distance from the town .
I don’t fancy a cruise as I hate huge hotels with loads of people .
We’re going to Spain next month to see friends and the Greek islands of Mykonos, Paros and Naxos in September.
We’re now retired and have some bucket list places on the agenda