Afraid to be alone with your thoughts?

I have an acquaintance who once admitted that she can't cope without company - and she drives the rest of us mad because she tags along whenever she hears that something is happening - invited or not! She even attended my father's funeral despite having never met him - probably because she had nothing else to do that day.

I love having people to stay and have a good set of friends that I meet regularly but I need time on my own. I love walking the dog on my own, gardening, painting etc on my own as I can escape into my own world. Sometimes I do think about sad things, we all have things in our life we would have done differently or better but I find thinking about them is helpful as in the past I've tended to block them out. Perhaps I'm going through my "resolution" stage ie coming to terms with my life's ups and downs. I would travel on my own as I'm quite independent. fwiw DD is on her way home from several weeks solo travelling round Northern Europe, we can't wait to see each other but we couldn't live in each other's pocket.

oh gosh, can you sort me out, gently please?
I am elderly, recently acquired arthritis, so not so active, ie. short walks and gardening, really difficult. dh died just before covid hit, I had been his carer for some years. long marriage, happy.
since the lockdowns stopped I have changed , I think, I get out every other day, mostly, meet with friends, as soon as I come home, ugh! mostly do not like it, go down in spirits, I can cope on my own, but mostly I feel,, bereft? can I possibly be grieving after nearly 4 years? I don`t understand me.. I don`t want to go on holidays, ie. no interest, I have a small car, but don`t like driving too far,, as I said, elderly.

I worry about the state of the world, don`t care for all this change.. got a cat, indoor mostly, so miss having a dog though, I think companionship is what I miss/want. someone to really share "stuff" with,, friends I have at local church etc, good to go out for a meal with , but not sharing thoughts etc.

so why am I sad so much of the time...

Bijou, although our lives differ because I live with my son, I am sometimes alone all day as he goes out out for dinner about twice a week. What is interesting is that now I have no enthusiasm to travel. Severe going to Australia next year but I willl not go as many friends and my parents and sister have all died. I like being alone listening to radio, setting up a bedroom which is now my office, dealing with my two dogs etc, I watch TV at night. If I was alone all day and night for life, then seeing someone even for a half hour would be welcome.

I wonder if it meant that traveling alone means that you have no-one to share things with. I've never done it. I enjoy being able to say 'have you seen that?' or 'do you fancy doing X or Y?' and sharing the experience. If my circumstances change, I wouldn't rule it out, but would probably prefer to go on a special 'singles' holiday, so that there would be others looking for someone to talk to, even just for a while.

My son used to like traveling alone before he was married though. He enjoyed the freedom from having to include others in his plans. He did a lot of hosteling where he could team up with people for the day and move on tomorrow. He always goes with DIL now though.

Great saying ….Solitude is good to seek but not to have

I think we all have that inner voice that likes to remind us of bad memories. I have learned to ignore it and swap to happier thoughts.
I love spending some time with family and friends but am happy on my own and don't crave company at all.

I really need some solitude and am struggling greatly with not having as much as I want to have.

Since my husband died in 1987 I have lived and travelled alone and now I am old and housebound and have outlived my friends only see my help for an hour a day..
Thank goodness for iPad, TV and radio.

When my dh was alive, he had vascular dementia along with other health issues and if I was out of his sight, even for seconds, he would be calling me. I loved him dearly and looked after him for eleven years, watching him deteriorate every day and I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I could just have him back for one more day, but when he was alive, I often used to pray very hard for some silence and time on my own and now I gave all the peaceful quiet solitude a soul could wish for and it us Heaven! Of course, I do socialise and I love company and having friends and family stay here, but it is the peaceful solitude I value almost most of all! I don’t want to sound smug, but my thoughts are filled with happy memories and although we were no way the perfect couple, we did share a perfect love, which will never, ever die all the while I am still breathing.

I live alone and travel alone, my tv always on when I’m home or my music. If I’m not reading my books or doing stuff around my home or garden or shopping I’m fine but ppl often presume that because you on your own you must be lonely. I’m not but I’ve noticed since lockdown I’m not keen on being in places with crazy crowds didn’t bother me before covid but I think lockdown made me enjoy my time alone

I like being solitary, I like my space, I like being able to think without distraction. I can calm myself down, think positively, sort out any problems, think happy memories, count my blessings, plan/dream regarding the future and buck myself up etc. by having the time and peace to think. All good.

I sometimes visit the bad times [quite a few] and reframe the situations and come to terms with events/peoples behaviour. It's all part of the picture.

I was an only child for 11 quiet years...and learnt how to amuse myself and not rely on others. Although I like conversation [one-to-one] I don't like groups of people, 4 is ok more than that is uncomfortable.. I find socialising fraught and hard to negotiate as others seem to have agendas and have been badly let down when I've let people in.

I quite like being alone but it doesn’t happen that often. No doubt it will in the future because my husband is quite a bit older than me. I am an only child so well used to being alone. I’m not sure I would holiday alone, though- I’d probably go on an organised tour rather than just drive around solo.

I’m not afraid to be alone with my thoughts, but that’s partly because I have a choice. Being on your own with your thoughts because you have no option is different.

I love my own thoughts as crazy as they often are. I find people difficult and annoying. There are a select few that are welcome in my space and 90% of those are immediate family, my husband, kids grandkids etc. anyone else I can totally do without.

Like crazyH my thoughts lead to regrets, what ifs, sad times, my distraction is music.

Makes me wonder how people dealt with it before radio, TV, music players, easy access to books etc. Or do in current times in different cultures or when not affordable.

Some people have always sought to be alone with thoughts..certain amount of creativity depends on it but we mostly are used to rarely being faced with our own inner life... except by choice. (just musing). 💭

I do like a lot of time away from others atm as get too tired...

depends on mood as to ....facing up to thoughts until Something Understood, or very much wanting Distraction...or listening to music as if the music spoke to me deep down, or music as background lulling...

No, I'm the opposite. I'm at my happiest in my own company with just my own thoughts.
And yes, I know - be careful what you wish for and all that. Don't get me wrong, I love having my husband and very immediate family around me, but I'm one of those people who absolutely needs time on my own every day, even if it's only for half-an-hour.

I meditate.. I've spent 3 months in silence at a retreat.. it was so restful

I sometimes dwell on my past it’s like a dark cloud being married to an abusive self destructive man. Some things just don’t leave you life experience shape your personality. I am just glad it’s in the past and I know it will never leave me.
I don’t mind the quiet but I prefer background noise it reminds me of a busy house when my son and daughter were young and still at home.

We are all different so no general rule, having done both I do
prefer companionship to being solitary, singles group holidays make it easier and I don’t insist on single accommodation I can share for a week or two.

I like being on my own. And am happy pottering about the house or garden with no background noise. However, since the pandemic, I have to get to sleep listening to something, otherwise my mind starts to race and I actually get quite morbid thoughts.

I don’t see the connection.
I like travelling alone precisely because I can be “alone with my thoughts/kindle/book” !

Yes I like background music as well which I then proceed to ignore. I prefer Indian or Arabic music because then I dont know what they are singing about.

If I have complex online jobs to do or those which require concentration then I dont want to be disturbed by some random knocking at the door to sell me stuff. I put ear plugs in and then play the music loud enough to cover an atomic bomb going off outside. If Im expecting an important call or package then I dont attempt anything complex. I just do routine stuff while Im listening out for whatever it is.

I just dont understand this business of "wanting to be in touch" all the time. If you are in touch people can demand that you do things for them and then you have to refuse or make excuses.

To the poster/s who said that being alone with their thoughts can lead them to a very dark place I understand that from some of my childhood experiences. Re-visiting them is like tiptoeing through the graveyard where old bodies still lie buried.

Smileless2012

I usually have background noise either the tv or music when Mr. S.'s is out crazy. I don't think I'm a 'glass half empty' type but sometimes like you, my thoughts take me to the dark times in my life .

I agree Smileless. I seem to dwell more on the dark times the older I get but don’t think I’m a glass half empty person.