DH wanting to book another holiday

Yes but “waiting” for a cataract operation is unlikely to influence risk for an insurer.
Recovery time afterwards might.

Quizzer

No one else seems to have mentioned insurance. It is almost impossible to get travel insurance if you are waiting for an operation. If you don’t tell the insurance company, even if you have annual insurance, it may invalidate the whole policy.

This was my first thought. I have been waiting months to book a holiday because I can't get insurance while waiting for treatment.
Having said that I have entirely the opposite problem, I would have a holiday every couple of months but DH would be happy never to leave the house. When he does go on holiday he doesn't like certain types. I have lots of health issues and he is fit but getting on in years.
However he does compromise and we get away abroad a couple of times a year and have a few UK trips. I don't get exactly what I want and nor does he.

I find getting in early works best, last summer I mentioned NZ and it’s all booked, but he has to consult because of my holidays from work. We both enjoy the same things, a long weekend at short notice he will spring on me.

I suggest point him in the right direction then let him plan

does he try to keep you happy.

but why does what he wants hold sway.
why can't you just say no.

@janeainsworth we may well have been on the same cruise from Newcastle. Thank you all for your input. Saggi I’m so sorry you haven’t been able to go away for 17 years. I know I’m lucky to not have worries other than my own health and total lack of energy. i’ve bitten the bullet as he asked me to make a decision today. He will not go on his own as various people have suggested,believe me I have suggested he invite teenage dgc and I realise plenty of people would like Togo away as much as he wants to I have said that I will go on a cruise to Iceland. I’ve told him it has to be as luxurious as possible but he loves a bargain! I have all the packing and unpacking and all the thinking about closing up the house and making sure bills are paid so there are no surprises when I come back. It is not meant to be offensive to people who can’t go on holiday for any reason but I honestly feel I’ve not got much strength for day to day living and this is an added burden not a joy. I try to keep my DH happy .

Septimia

If your DH wants you to want the holiday, maybe you could sometimes find something you would like to do and ask him to book that. You could then perhaps pick something that's easier for you physically.

Wise advice.

I would go away with him and then "collapse/be very unwell" for the duration of the holiday, taking to your bed and really milking the situation to the best of your acting ability.

grandtanteJE65

Indeed, well said!

I wouldn’t book a holiday until well after a cataract operation however straightforward it may seem. There’s a regime of drops to be managed and the possibility of infection plus a change in eyesight which means a new prescription but not until eyes are stable. Plus the insurance issues mentioned. I’d rather wait until I was certain all was well. It seems selfish to expect you to be involved n coping with potential problems which could be minimised by staying at home for a while.

Is there a local tourist board(or similar) he could volunteer at he’d be perfect—— I have a friend that does that & she loves it,she used to be a big traveller but due to health now can’t travel as much——- he needs to volunteer somewhere,good luck.

I haven’t had a holiday in 17 years ….have you any idea how lucky you are!?

Why does it have to be all towards what he wants ? There are two of you in this marriage and there should be equal respect for what you both want. My husband and I shared sailing together but that was in a way camping on water. Loved the sailing but it was still all diy. So we used to have 3/4 days going away for bed and breakfast or staying somewhere for a little treat for a couple of times in the year. I used to go with a friend to Italy in february, as we both were involved in music and art and to go there at that time we had the opportunity to look at pictures in a quiet time and enjoy them. So in the same way he could think about what he might enjoy doing with someone else for a short time. You may also want to go somewhere with a friend but actually might just enjoy staying at home with less to do and enjoy some peace and quiet. His idea that there are only holidays that make life worthwhile is rather sad and I hope that he finds something that he can enjoy at home perhaps helping with a charity or joining a group with some interest they share, but whatever he decides to do, whilst it will be good if you can share some time or hobby together , he should not be allowed to make your life more difficult and to take over all the available cash. Whatever finance you have should be shared equally to enjoy, and not let him insist in it all being spent in the way he wants. If you have family you trust or a close friend I would talk it through with them but if not just think things through and then simply state to him in a quiet tone that you will not be doing x or y , that he can organise something he wants to do for himself but that you prefer a or b or just do not want to leave home at this time. Unless you resolve this now you will find that this will come up time and again and it doesnt sound as though it will be resolved in a fair way for you. You have every right to chose your own way and I wish you good luck and that 2024 will be a more evenly shared and better way for you .

Has anyone else noticed affordable holidays advertised, and upon investigation, its only a 3 or 4 day break.

Why doesn’t he just arrange his own holidays, and go by himself?

I've just had cateract ops on both eyes (1st one a month ago, second one last week) and was given very strict instructions each time that I was not to pick up anything heavier than a book for two weeks after each one - so bear that in mind if you can't carry suitcases/bags, as his eyes will need to heal..!

Why are you trying to "appease an angry man" instead of giving him a rocket?

It sounds to me as if he is completely ignoring your health issues, your wishes, and likes and dislikes.

Forgive me if I am being unhelpful, but in your place, I would tell him that if he wants an extra holiday, he can have it, as long as you both can afford it, but he goes off on it on his own, because you no longer are able to enjoy travelling.

And that you would really like him to show you a little consideration, now and again, instead of always having to fall in with his wishes.

He may not have realised how tiring you find being away from home, you know.

We once took a bus to and from Heathrow, highly recommended, and you could get a taxi to and from your local bus station. I also recommend cruises - what about a river cruise? You'll be able to stay on board while your DH goes on an outing when the boat is moored.
Having said that, if it's really a strain for you any holiday might leave you less than refreshed....

It sounds as though your hubby is desperate to have something to look forward to .
I can understand that .
But he's failing to understand that it's a strain for you .
Exactly the same happened in my family .
My father wanted to go on adventurous trips , but my mother couldn't cope .
In their case , he was having some health problems , but my mother who was actually physically stronger was suffering from increasing agoraphobia .
She stopped wanting to go out - even on a day trip to the seaside never mind a holiday to Canada and Alaska .
Eventually , they compromised on gentle cruises until even putting one foot over the doorstep was too much for her .

No one else seems to have mentioned insurance. It is almost impossible to get travel insurance if you are waiting for an operation. If you don’t tell the insurance company, even if you have annual insurance, it may invalidate the whole policy.

I sympathise as we too have divergent needs as regards holidays abroad. The divergence in our case arises from age and health differences and our more recent experiences have been fatiguing because of cancelled flights, late arrivals, unusually hot climate, etc. We have cruised and will again but we are rarely satisfied with only one day in each port. We have both been used to a sparky social life with very able people but local groups don't seem to fill that gap. And travel insurance is is becoming very expensive with age over 80 and a clutch of declared conditions, especially for the USA.

Hi Stansgran. I feel for you. MrA is exactly the same. As soon as we get home from one expedition he’s chafing to go on another, while I just want to enjoy being at home.
Have you thought of a cruise? We went to Norway last March with Fred Olsen, sailing from Newcastle. It was brilliant. I noticed staff were super-helpful to people with mobility problems & they have last-minute offers too.

I am in a very similar position as you I recently went on a trip to London I was very ill. On my return after many tests I have a chronic long term lung condition as well as osteoarthritis in many joints. My dh also has health issues but they only seem to hinder when it suits him. Usually I struggle to get him to go on a day out or for a meal as he just wants to sleep!
Travelling far and even abroad now are for me something I dread I don’t see the point if I’m unwell I have dug my heels in and made it clear enough is enough. We have travelled plenty in the past but that was before not so good health took over.
Pleasant short holidays is the only way I want to travel now I am not being selfish just realistic you should do the same.

You are going away over Christmas, and you have another holiday booked for June so your husband already has two to look forward to!

I'm certainly with you on insisting on reasonable flight times - those early morning ones wipe me out for a day or two afterwards.

Could you consider a short cruise?