Hope Springs - or does it?

Bit of an "elephant in the room" subject here.

phoenix!

I agree phoenix. But we need to talk about elephants. I think that's the point.

I think as you get older the sex urge can become less. Perhaps it's supposed to - it's not going to get nature anywhere is it? I think that's fine if both parties are ok about it. For women it can become uncomfortable - down there. The love and the companionship still goes on though.

Well said, jingl - it's only a problem if one or both parties are unhappy about the situation.

I love Mr P so dearly, and yes, you are right JO4 that the love & companionship goes on, but I miss that "special" closeness, the one thing that a couple can exclusively share. I know I'm probably not phrasing it very well, but it is something that I do care about.

Mr P & I have been together since April 2001, and married since May 2004, but we haven't had what could be termed a "full" sexual relationship since early 2005.

He has always been somewhat reserved, but in connection with what we do and even talk about with regard to sex, rather than getting a bit more relaxed, he seems to be getting even more reserved! I don't even broach the subject anymore, as he seems not to want to talk about it. He is a grand master at shutting down and avoiding any conversation he does not want to have.

I feel as if I'm doing him a disservice and even going behind his back to put it out into the Gransnet domain, but I just think it is so sad that we no longer share that intimacy.

I saw the film this afternoon too - probably not a good idea for someone in my recent situation probably! I found it a bit 'squirmy' - they'll make films about anything these days Went with 4 friends and we all agreed that we wouldn't really recommend it

You are brave to share your very private concerns on Gransnet phoenix but it probably means you are now brave enough to share the same concerns with your husband.

My DH had major open heart surgery a couple of years ago and when he was finally on the mend I went with him to see the specialist and, to my amazement, he revealed that he was worried he had lost his sex drive since the op. We were referred to an erectile dysfunction person, hiding behind a smokescreen in the diabetes clinic, who prescribed a similar pill to viagara. DH experimented with the pill while I was away, staying with friends, and reported afterwards that it had no effect. No wonder. I wasn't with him! And nor was anyone else (as far as I know).

He seems to have accepted that physical intimacy does not necessarily have to involve IT any more but with an eight year age gap between us I feel sad that my own sex life has probably come to an end.

But at least we talk about it - though not very often. And he's always saying how much he loves me. And we do share our bedroom and lots of nice snuggles. So I am not complaining. Well, just a bit I suppose ...

jack , I have tried so many times to talk about it with him, but it just doesn't work. You cannot talk to someone who either shuts down or walks out of the room!

Good to hear that you are told that you are loved, I am too, in fact I got quite hopeful last weekend when he was home! I was cuddling our new feline addition, and Mr P said "can I have a kiss too?" I hoped that a "proper" kiss might lead to things, but sadly it only lead to a very slight delay in supper, as he then went on to give me a huge hug whilst telling me how awful he was finding it living away from home during the week.

Just returned from seeing 'Hope Springs',along with a cinema full of 'Silver Surfers'. It caused much laughter and,no doubt, many hometruths about marriages,past and present. Those of us who have lost partners ,and maybe several who still have them,share the longing for a hug and more,but mainly it's the lack of companionship which is missed even more. Someone special just to share daily life with again would be great. Meryl Streep is,as ever, brilliant in her portrayal of the lonely wife and I recommend the film to anyone in a long.less than perfect, marriage.

I think it was Virgina Ironside (?) who said that after a certain age sex becomed more "Ouch Ouch" than " (and that's not counting the dicky hip, cramp in the legs and the dodgy back!). Bound to make a diference!

"becomes" and "difference" - honestly you can't get the proof readers any more.

omg I feel a freak now .....my libido is increasing all the time....not that I'm complaining cos Mr Vamps' is increasing too

Is there a club for vampires? I'd love to join it.

PS: How OLD are you two?

Ah! Just looked at vampirequeen's profile - early fifties! That explains it...possibly

I haven't had sex for 12 years. AND I MISS IT!

Up to last year I had to take the pill. The nurse once asked me if I thought I really needed it.

"After all," she said. "When we reach our age we don't bother much about that sort of thing."

I explained how often I bothered about 'that sort of thing.' She looked me up and down, tutted as if I was some brazen Jezebel, snapped, "Well I haven't been bothered with THAT for at least two years," and issued my prescription

Should I add that Mr Vamps and I have only been married for just over a year?

Prior to that I was married to an unmentionable who never bothered with me just anyone else he could get so I have been through a very very barren period.

I saw the film last week with my friend, and we both agreed that it made us feel thankful for our dear OH's! I liked it, but agree that it was a bit cringe-inducing in parts. I still like sex (not as often as vamps, obviously), and find that it improves our mood enormously. A lie in on Saturday morning ensures a happy weekend! Phoenix and Jeni

Of course you're not a freak Vampirequeen. (((Hugs))) to you.

I read somewhere that a woman can reach her sexual peak in her forties as it's nature's way of trying to get another child out of her before she is past it. Unfortuntely the same article said that a man reaches his peak in his early twenties.

So, all women in their forties should get a toy boy.

And be very careful.

see, like this

Our Nellie knows a thing or two.

And how old is our Nellie?!!!