Long Lost Families

I think that in some countries birth parents are allowed to keep some contact with their children after adoption.

the younger sister had similar colouring though so it could have been from their mother

Her hair looked like it had been lightened, and her complexion was pale olive. You could see her dark hair, darker skin and dark eyes more markedly in the photos they showed.

I only watched this today on catch up and am intrigued by the " hint of Asian Heritage"
As a child the woman had dark hair but as an adult she was fairskinned and dark blonde, and she never referred to it again. most intriguing.

You only have to watch Who do you think you are? to see how people are fascinated by their family history. There are skeletons in the cupboard, including my own, but I love working on my family tree and learning about their lives.
It's amazing what you can find out, it's all online now. Anyone can do it, unless you don't know where you come from or where your roots are.
But, as Paddyann tells us, the birth mother could reject you (how cruel) that is devastating,

I think its quite clear that millions of people want to know where they came fromwith the massive rise in genealogy websites,everyone wants to know their "roots" how much harder for people who dont even have immediate blood family.The most heartbreaking account of this I've heard is a song by Mary Gaulthier called Foundling...in fact theres awhole album of songs but the title song describes how she grew up with nobodies face and nobodies name.Sadly Mary found her birth mother and telephoned her only to be told she couldn't speak to her or meet her as her "family" knew nothing about the baby she had left on a doorstep and she wanted to keep it that way

My own cousin is adopted. She had a loving home, and she and I are very close as she is with her maternal cousins.
She decided to trace her birth mother and found out that she had two half sisters, both half to each other. Mother did meet her but wasn't interested in a relationship. However GF who had been instrumental in her being given up for adoption had obviously regretted what he did and was very welcoming and kept up regular contact until he died.
Following in mothers path youngest half sister has no contact at all but middle one is now one of her best friends.
A neighbour, whose family found him, was swamped by his newly found family and had to gradually cut down contact to a minimum as they wanted too much from him emotionally.

I am in that position Eloethan but I am my own person and don't need others to validate me. I do however have some knowledge of my biological mother.

I suppose, unless you've been in that position yourself, you can't possibly understand what it feels like to not know where you have come from.

Yes the adopted children who cope best are the ones who are told straight away about their adoption. Secrets always will out.

Mcem, it's wonderful that your 'girls' were supported by you in their decision to do what felt right for them and with your blessing & information. I like to think that these days most adoptees are given their personal information,which was not always the case in previous generations .

Both of my DDs were given all the information we had at an early age, having known from babyhood about their adoptions.
DD1 did trace her birth mother (her term) but DD2 did not.
Each made her own choice with 100% support!

Everyone has different experiences good or bad, but it seems to be a basic instinct to want to know about our own personal roots . Yes you are correct about my use of the word real , I agree the person who brings you up is the 'real hands on parent' I should have used the term birth mother or biological mother,but the sentiment is the same

Can't agree norose4 neither do I agree with the the term ' real parent' for a biological parent. Surely the real parent is the one who takes care of the child, loves and protects that child. There is too much emphasis placed on a so called blood relationship.
mrsmopp I think the records should be available too if only to check on genetic /hereditary issues.

Perhaps there are far fewer adoptions these days as there is no longer the shame and stigma of a child born out of wedlock. That seems to be the reason for many adoptions though I'm not sure of the statistics. But no matter how loving the adoptive parents there are questions to be answered and I do believe adoption records should be available if wanted. Some people might prefer not to know.

I love it but always watch it on my own because it makes me cry so much - happy tears because of the reunions.

Ps. Even if sadly as in your DD case it comes with double rejection, but she has the comfort of you a lovely caring ' proper' mum

Yes definitely I agree Mcem, plus the 'wonderings' disappear & life can be lived more honestly.

You're right norose about contact falling away. When it's the long-lost mother who isn't particularly interested it can be hard on the 'adopted child' and hard to watch a DD feeling hurt after tracing her.
However there is consolation if a sibling is keen to form and maintain the new relationship.

Ps Christinefrance, emotions & expectations can run high , hence the tears , a sense of relief of finally knowing etc, For a lot of people the contact falls away naturally became, but the adopted person is more at peace by just knowing .

The sense of belonging& knowing is I think inate in everyone., even more so these days & also with medical knowledge being important in the diagnosis of certain hereditary conditions. Even if the adoption works out well that sense of ' who am I , whom am I like, what is my background., why was I adopted ,is ,for the majority of people the question that sticks in their heads for most of their lives, especially people born in the 40s & 50s where information was hidden from adopted children. Although this has improved greatly,I think the time has come for all adopted children to have automatic access to their case history at a much earlier age & that the adoptive parents undertake to supply said information at age appropriate times. It would save a lot of people a lot of heartache.

I haven't seen this programme.
Eldest daughter is going to America with her partner next month to meet his 'real' father, who left his mother when he was a baby.
I'm really interested to find out how they cope - partner is 50 now, so his father must be getting on too.
I can't imagine him falling on his father's neck in tears, but you never know. It's bound to be emotional.

I've never understood that either. I'm sure I would be quite bristly at first.

Not everyone feels rejected seacliff we can understand life's problems and not everyone can cope. What I don't understand is people falling into the arms of someone they have never met before and weeping buckets. Perhaps its just me.

I am intrigued by the atavistic imperative to find blood relatives; but slightly irritated by the "wait for the tears" format.