Long Lost Families

Oh nellgwin how sad. I hope you and all your brothers and sisters grew up to have happy lives?

That is so sad nellgwin a very difficult start to your life but you attained your ambition, well done.

yes Morgana spot on. My mother was unfaithful for much of her married life, my twin brother and I were born 7 & 8 out of 10 children. My father always told me I was a B*** but I was to young to know what it meant.
He regularly beat my brother(who wet the bed up to 15 years of age) and beat me every opportunity he found any excuse. My mother never interfered, I can not remember a hug or a kiss from her and I used to pray that one day someone would come along and rescue me and adopt me.
I went to a grammar school but with every success in my studies he would beat me. When I was 15 I was told to report to the headmasters office and was shocked to see my father there, he said I had to leave school and I stupidly said "No I have to stay on to do my GCSE because I wanted to train as a nurse".
He's response was " No, if you became a nurse you would be no better than a prostitute, a factory is good enough for you" My father was a police officer! so had a responsible career. So my youngest brother had a lucky escape and yes I did eventually become a nurse! through hard work and determination.

Each to their own as they say.

Yes it is a good programme and as you say very moving.

What it makes me think is of all the families that are together and not long lost at al,l that bicker, everyday and do not speak to each other for years for various reasons..

I wonder if the baby brother had a different dad and that is why the mum could not keep him? Maybe he went to live with paternal family?

Try the registration offices in Clapham , they keep Old records of births Etc

Many years ago, when I was a student nurse, we had a male charge nurse. He and his wife had problems conceiving and eventually adopted a child. As often happens, his wife then became pregnant.
He came in to work one day saying that he had caught his two daughters squabbling. He was alarmed when he heard his natural child telling the other that she was the "proper" daughter. The adopted daughter responded saying, " But, they chose me. They had no choice with you: they had to put up with what they got when you were born!"
I am pleased to say that their relationship with each other improved as they grew.

I wrote to the Salvation army, as for some reason we thought she had had the baby at the mother and baby hospital in Clapham London. I have all the details as I remembered them, year of birth, mother's name but I never received any thing back from them. I will try the link to the programme, you never know! Thanks for your help

Hello nellgwin - that is such a sad story. Why don't you contact "Long Lost Family"? Maybe they will find your brother for you. (Just google the programme) x

Everything Seacliff says Nellgwin, so very sad for you.

Oh Nell, that is so terrible for you, how could she not tell you the truth even at the end? I can see how it would affect your relationship with your parents, you can't just forget a baby brother.

How about contacting one of the experts they use, to get help tracing the baby? I have no idea how much it costs, they might find him really easily? May be worth just getting a quote? Best wishes.

When I was 12years old my mother gave birth to a baby boy. She breastfeed him and gave him care until he was 6 weeks old. There was an atmosphere in the house and everyone seemed to tip toe around mother and the baby.
When he was 6 weeks old my mother got the baby dressed and ready to take him out, I don't know why but I walked with her to the bus stop and she let me carry the baby. She then took the baby onto the bus and I stood crying as the bus left.
I don't know how I knew but I never saw my baby brother again.
Over the years we were not allowed to ask about the baby and we all played the game of believing that there never was a baby.
It wasent until my father died that I spoke to my mother and asked her what had happened to him, and she again denied any knowledge of him.
It affected me greatly throughout my life and I never forgave my mother.
I have tried looking for him but have never managed to get off the starting block.
So I have a brother somewhere out there not knowing that he has a whole load of brothers and sisters who would love to meet him.
So so sad.

Brilliant last sentence Pogs, yes I have heard from the older generation that there were a lot of American soldiers based in our area & a lot of (previously unheard of ) silk stockings being given as presents , & later on a few ladies left with rapidly expanding waistlines!!

I enjoy this programme so much.

I have mentioned before my father was illegitimate and whilst he always found a loss in his life he had a happy childhood with his grandmother and aunts and uncles who cherished him. He met his mother when his own family arrived.

There was an occasion when we received a very lengthy family tree document from a t.v programme maker and it made me cry to see the word 'illegitimate' against my dads name .

It did make me laugh however when an aunt told me once when I asked if she knew who my grandfather is 'Well the Canadian Army were based here"

I'm sorry to hear that nigglynellie, but pleased to know that you have resigned yourself to your circumstances. I often refer to the saying ' walk a mile in my shoes, before you criticise & abuse' as I reminder that not everyone is fortunate enough to have a really good & happy childhood. A therapist I knew use to call those of us who were reasonably ok ' The wobbly wells' which I quite liked '

I agree, it is a fundamental instinct to know where you came from and who your family are. As I have no siblings at all, I had perhaps naively hoped to find some family, but after initial slight disappointment once it became clear that I wasn't going to, I was happy enough with the information that I had gleaned, and to let sleeping dogs etc!

I think for most adults it is a fundamental instinct to want to know the very basics of our beginnings.An adopted person who seeks out their birth family already knows that it can go either way & that they may be setting themselves up for some disappointment at a later stage, but they will forever know their own truth & for most this in the long term is the most important aspect even if at a later stage the relationship dwindles away ( as can also happen in every other type of family ,separated, divoreced etc ,etc)

You didn't say it was "an opportunity".
The programme presents a "happy ending" and the bulk of the audience optimistically or naively accepts it as such.
Inevitably the real family who adopted are sidelined and ignored but if/when there is a breakdown in the newly-found relationship, who'll be around to pick up the pieces?
In my immediate experience half of the adopted children did not choose to seek the birth family. One was told in no uncertain terms that they didn't want to know. Two ended up in touch but not close (but with a good relationship with a sibling.)
Real experience tends to make one a little sceptical about the rather contrived and very public "happy endings" .

That's another story mcem - the programme gives people the opportunity to have a happy ending - it's up to them to make it so....................
So all things being considered "my bubble remains intact!"

My natural father was killed before was born (WW11), and my mother severed all contact with his family. She married again to a lovely chap, my much loved stepfather. Over the years I hardly gave my paternal family a seconds thought, but after my parents died, I found that I was suddenly wanting to know who my paternal family were, where they came from and so on. It was like an incredible journey of discovery, during which I managed to make contact with a much younger second cousin who sent photos of long dead grandparents, and information about family members generally including four first cousins I did vaguely wonder if anyone would express a desire to meet me, and feeling slightly hurt when they clearly didn't!! Now two years along the line, I think it was probably a good thing, it was all so long ago, probably acrimonious, and perhaps best left.

danni I don't want to burst your bubble but these meetings are not endings, they are the beginnings of new chapters and may or may not end up happy.

I have just watched the latest Long Lost Family and, as always, cried throughout it! They were both wonderful stories because of the happy endings - except it's such a shame that the lady who met her two sisters just missed meeting her mum.
It's a great programme, handled so well by Davina and Nicky.
Well Done to all concerned with the making of it!!

Yes you are correct, it is called open adoption & is the child who decides each & every time the birth mother requests a visit .

I may be wrong, but I think that a birth parent keeping in touch with their child who has been adopted does happen in this country too in some circumstances.