Harvey and me

Harvey is 18yo and he has some capacity so he will be making decisions for himself, as he should - he is a human being after all. I find it the thin end of the wedge when people start criticising parents carers. She was quite young when she had him (she is the same age as me but my daughter is older) and I can categorically tell you I struggled as well, I don't know anyone who has a child with a severe and complex learning disability that hasn't struggled. Emotionally, physically and financially. Money helps but the vast majority of parent carers would either be living in poverty or forced into it by the care they have to give.

There does seem to be an expectation in society, certainly in the UK, where we should be seen to get on with it and be some sort of saintly figure and never complain or moan or say something socially unacceptable like we cannot cope. I didn't see anything in that documentary that was alarming on a Mother/Son basis, in fact I thought she directed him really well when he was clearly overwhelmed at times, something that cannot be at all easy. I thought it was telling the other Mum, Mathew's Mum I think, said don't be told by professionals what is best, you are your son's expert and it is true, we are our adult children's experts. We don't need a medal but we certainly don't need judgement off others.

My daughter moved out of our family home when she was 18yo too - even parents of other young people with learning disabilities have passed comment to me but I couldn't cope any longer and a care placement became available that was more than suitable and my daughter wanted to go. Her children's social worker actually said to me after she had moved into her new home - where she has been very happy - he didn't know how I'd coped with her for so long at home, yet some of my own friends found it unpalatable. I'm afraid I am past people judging me but please bear in mind how difficult it is for parents and how the reality is not the same as the imaginary kind of carer you think you would be in a hypothetical situation.

I do think society to looks to those who show their 'best self' rather than thinking a bit deeper about how coping with such a difficult situation is. It is quite easy to criticise from the outside and I think his Mum has received plenty of criticism. As an aside, I didn't receive a single comment when my perfectly average 18yo moved out of the family home! not one!

NellG agree with you about being challenged on judgemental views we hold on people. Certainly Katie Price is a character who has been demonized in the tabloids and online. The online trolls have been very cruel over the years about Harvey.

It seems that KP is a very divisive figure, I wonder what it is about her that makes some people feel so deeply uncomfortable? I wonder if it's because she appears to be a walking contradiction. A woman who appears self involved and is apparently vain, yet who is also a very loving and capable mother in possession of a great deal of empathy. We often don't enjoy people who challenge our judgments. We like people even less when they do things that make our judgments look as shabby and lazy as they usually are. Any 'ism' is often a shabby and lazy view of situations that we would rather judge and defend than face.

I read an article recently that mentioned the reasons why her other kids are currently living with their fathers. It began in the first lockdown and was more about protecting Harvey than anything else. Hard to judge that. As for her financial situation, none of anyone's business. Children are everyone's business and as she has proved she is not a risk to her children then it has to be concluded that negative views about her are the problem of the person holding those views, and have little to do with KP.

Having said that, I'm not a huge fan and don't go out of my way to follow what she does. Neither do I use straw men to justify my antipathy. It's Ok not to like someone, just not Ok to use value judgments to justify it.

Exactly Hetty58. People often blame the l.a. When government funding is the key

Iam64, yes, it's very important that the wider (voting) public understands just how underfunded LAs are. Unfortunately, they don't - until they have a loved one in need of care.

A number of children with additional needs live apart from their families during the week, or have some form of residential support. It's not unusual and is absolutely no reflection on the love, commitment or care of those parents.

Harvey may live apart from his mum during the week but there is such a clear loving bond between them that must have taken years of nurturing to create.

The main issue for l.a’s remains funding. Limited resources and decisions to be made about who gets what. KP is highlighting this and it’s possible, other parents may be informed and empowered by her publicising how hard it is.

vegansrock, yes, it's worthwhile for that reason, definitely, but there wasn't enough detail in there.

I've taught SEN children. They are (under)funded for education up until the age of 25. Often, then, there's another big upheaval as they move into residential care.

Choosing college placements for them is, like choosing schools, fraught with similar difficulties. Of course, in practice, the schools/colleges actually choose the students that they can cater for.

Then, cash-strapped local authorities have the final say by either providing funding - or an alternative placement deemed 'suitable'.

As with elderly care homes, what a LA decides is perfectly adequate can come as quite a shock. I do hope Harvey gets into the Cheltenham one.

I heard KP on Woman’s Hour saying she agreed to the documentary to highlight the problems that all parents with SN children have battling to get appropriate care for their children, and the documentary wasn’t about her but about Harvey and getting care for him. Ok maybe Mrs Nobody down the road has similar problems but doesn’t get a mention, so surely someone with a high public profile, for whatever reason, using that status to illustrate problems that many parents share, is worthwhile?

Hetty, None of the posters are describing KP as a saint, or ‘mother of the year’. Her lifestyle, personality and substance abuse are all acknowledged on this thread. What does come through clearly is recognition KP has difficulties, makes some bad choices, as a result most of her children live much of the time with their fathers.
She’s always tried to use her ‘celebrity’ to highlight the needs of children with complex needs. To sneer at her says more about those looking down on her.

BlueBelle, to be clear, I have no problem with Harvey at all. I haven't criticised him - or his care.

I do find it quite appalling, though, that his mother is suddenly deemed saint-like, candidate for 'mother of the year' for her obvious (very normal) love and concern for him.

It's quite strange, considering that she doesn't look after any of her children - except maybe at weekends.

hetty you have a problem, so much vitriol isn’t a nice thing to see If you have so much inside information perhaps you need to share your source (without names of course) otherwise I ll take it as it comes into my room
Of course tv can be totally doctored to look different to real life none of us are stupid people, but you cant doctor a child with Harvey’s complexity to be kind, loving and polite, just as his fear, moods and upsets can’t be doctored.
He s not an actor
I believe he has had some very dangerous outbreaks which his mother didn’t want shown Would you really deny her the help she’s getting
Could you do better?

Yet you seemed to have nothing to say about his father who has nothing to do with him.
I have spent my career working with children with additional needs, a number of the children I have worked with have been in some form of residential care from their early teenage years. Their families have heard the phrase 'doesnt even live with them' throughout their lives, and have learnt just to ignore that judgement.

I saw KP in a different way too last night , the love she has for Harvey showed through all the time, when he was having a bit of a meltdown she was able to control him by saying look at Mummy. Give me a hug”. It worked every time, Also she had brought him up to be polite and the number of times he said Thankyou showed , I have been critical of KP in the past I admit , but how many of us could deal with Harvey when he is at home he is big and strong , he may have lashed out at KP , give her credit for being a good Mum in very difficult circumstance ,
I hope she finds the right college for him too be happy in ,

Oh dear, yes, I know too much - as I know someone who was involved with the (carefully constructed) media image. Remember, we can project any image we like. Reality is another thing entirely!

What? Even at weekends Hetty58? He seemed to be changing his bedding & showering at home with mummy.

Casdon

You do seem to know an awful lot about her though Hetty58!

Indeed.

Why invest so much time finding out o much about someone you don't know and fulminating about them!

Oh, wake up, for Heaven's sake, he doesn't even live with her. He lives across the road with carers!

The love KP has for her son Harvey is indisputable. The sweetness between 6y old Bunny and Harvey was endearing and it was lovely to see the group of them all helping to prepare their pasta dinner at the end.

I’m sure the programme had been edited to show Harvey in his best light - after all KP is hoping for upwards of £300,000 p.a. from her own council to fund his fully residential care in another area. - and she will know their decision in March apparently.

I did skim read an article in a newspaper today where KP had said she didn’t want Harvey’s anxiety-fuelled more aggressive episodes shown on screen as those don’t ‘define Harvey’.

His needs are so very complex. KP obviously loves him but doesn’t live with him - apart from weekends. In between times she gets chance to recharge her batteries and live her own life, unencumbered by the day-to-day sheer exhaustion that dealing with a boy like Harvey must entail. But who could?

He doesn’t sleep nights, he wails so loud the neighbours can hear him. Caring for Harvey must by definition be a team effort. He is pretty much the only boy in the UK (said so in the programme) with so many aspects of autism - Prader-Willi syndrome and much else.

Hats off to KP I say. She’s doing her best. With help, of course. x

Autism is just one of the very difficult and complex problems this young man has - and he has only one parent who has faced up to the responsibilities of looking after him, while also having to earn her living.

Rather like the Kardashians, Katy Price has made her life and lifestyle her career and needs to constantly reinvent herself to keep earning. Generally she has done it very well. Unfortunately life has unravelled for her recently, I wish her well and hope she is soon securely on her feet again.

You do seem to know an awful lot about her though Hetty58!

Oh do give it a rest!

You may have a neighbour who has a son with autism but you really don't have any direct experience or a clue do you!!

My deep respect goes to my neighbours, who work hard and care for their severely autistic, non-verbal teenager (with carer assistance, of course, impossible otherwise) and her brother.

They found the programme 'laughable', displaying a carefully selected 'reality' - yet useful to highlight the difficult choices parents have to make.

I've no respect for a 'doting' mother who jets off on holiday to 'try for another baby' as soon as her son comes out of ICU.

A mother who sees her other kids only at weekends (and not at all for six weeks) during lockdown.

Having been in the Priory, she was drug tested to prove she was fit to look after them. Nice!

She really was cracking looking though wasn’t she? Since then she’s mucked about with plastic surgery a bit too much (expensive too I’ll bet) and spoiled her appearance somewhat. She looks a bit ‘harder’ nowadays.

That said, I think she has a heart of gold but I agree with others upthread that she herself is somewhere ‘on the spectrum’. She seems very needy of attention - good or bad, but I’ve always liked her.

With her celeb lifestyle she’s no typical mum - hence her other four children mostly being brought up by their fathers I suppose.

I’m going to watch the programme now on catch up. I expect I shall end up liking her even more!