Kate Garraway-Caring For Derek

I think she has done this mostly for the reality of covid and the effects it’s had on both their lives. Yes they are both broadcasters and I think it was done effectively and with compassion. No I wouldn’t do it but then again I, not walking in her shoes. She is a strong woman but needs all the help she can get.

JaneJudge

omg, have you reported him? x

The providers did and I told the CCG who were unlitmately paying for the work.

I won’t have him in the house again for sure.

Poor Gwyneth.

It doesn't do to have a different opinion on here, sometimes, which is a shame, as it is supposed to be a discussion forum.

What was Kate Garroway supposed to do, Gwyneth? Walk away? Have him put down? Really silly attitude you’re taking…

omg, have you reported him? x

Oh it wasn't the care team JaneJudge. It was an electrician fixing some stuff in his house!! His care team are great.

Nezumi65

ETA - somewhat to my relief his neighbours have been lovely. During the clapping for the NHS (which my son loved, so always went outside for) they always turned and clapped his support workers as well.

my daughter's have too nezumi. They are old enough to be my parents and as it is quite a nice cul de sac I thought they might be quite snotty (no offence) but they have actually all been really lovely, someone complained about a tree but I don't really see that as a big deal!

I'm sorry about that person working for the care team, we have occasionally had similar

I also don't want to educate people anymore (we were also contacted to take part in a tv show). I think people either get it or they don't. I am not going to be quiet about myself though f I need to talk about something, that is different.

For people who have no idea what the crisis in the care system actually means this may have been an eye opener. And remember Derek is receiving ongoing care being funded by the NHS. I have worked with people whose loved one has needed care and they have spent every penny they have, and as was pointed out in the programme, getting access to funding and help is a nightmare of many departments and charities. There is no centralised, local one-stop-shop.

I hope Kate has or can get a housekeeper, that at least would leave her more time for herself and the children. She will reach a breaking point like so many carers. She loves Derek so much and wants the best for him; it was a privilege to be allowed into their home and I wish them all the best. I would say to her that it’s OK to be “selfish” and do things just for herself. I hope the family particularly the children are having counselling - they are grieving the loss of Dad and Mum.

ETA - somewhat to my relief his neighbours have been lovely. During the clapping for the NHS (which my son loved, so always went outside for) they always turned and clapped his support workers as well.

I haven't seen the programme but I have an adult son who does not have capacity. I am his court appointed deputy and was asked to make a decision about him being filmed by the CCG. I said no because a) I thought they wanted to use him as an advertorial and they would not touch at all on the great trauma they had put him through due to failings on their part and b) because not everyone is very nice and I wanted him to be able to live anonymously on his street without locals taking out some sort of petition or something. I have come across petitions and campaigns against people with learning disabilities before. That doesn't mean I disapprove of others having films made though. There are definite advantages in publicising good practice.

My son is non-verbal with limited language (understands at 1 to 2 information carrying word level). If he had more understanding I would have used something like a talking mat to explore what my son wanted to do and whether he understood the risks. It sounds as if Derek has more capacity to be able to contribute to decisions and make them. Remember capacity should always be assumed.

When I first became a carer I really wanted to raise awareness about what it was like. I don't now, largely because I think people either get it or they don't and I don't want to waste time or energy on those who don't get it. That may sound harsh but we have had some awful things said to us over the years. Most recently some bloke BEING PAID to work in his house a few months ago who said that people like my son (i.e. learning disabled) "shouldn't be allowed out". That is hate speak, but I'm never going to change his mind. I just don't want him anywhere near my very vulnerable son.

Kate Garraway may still have more trust in people to be curious and understand. I'm afraid that was all beaten out of me. If she reads some of the stuff on this thread maybe she will start to feel the same.

I'm going to say though, I have certain few friends who think if you carry on caring without moaning (and staying quiet) you are acting more dignified and tbqh it makes me want to wring their necks. Carers should be able to say they are not coping very well, just like every body else does in their own 'paid' jobs

oh communication tools and SALT, not enough input at all via LA but you shouldn't feel defensive because I can tell by reading your posts you are passionate about the needs of those you support through job and previous jobs, you'll know yourself that lots of managers just manage - they don't really understand the complex nature of care.

Incidentally though, my daughter's speech has become incredibly clear in the last couple of years and I think that's because she needs to make her needs clear to support staff, even if it does include swearing

I think I feel defensive too Jane and that is in a professional capacity so I cant imagine what it is like for you and other families. I interpreted a childs needs the other day and I was wrong (it was a tiny thing, nothing would have gone wrong because of my mis interpretation but another person spotted what the child meant).
There are so many tiny moments though and they all add up. We should have massive investment in communication tools too.

I don't know why you feel like a cow galaxy, what you have said is sensible too.

On a personal level I feel quite defensive because of my own situation but I do have to make decisions for my daughter as she doesn't have capacity BUT I do always try to make them in her best interests and I acknowledge not all people do. Even though, sometimes her support workers will disagree with me and we have to make compromises. It isn't a one size fits all and never was. That's why I feel care work and family carers should be valued more by society and treated like human beings themselves. Obviously paid carers should be paid more

I find it quite interesting that no one has mentioned Denis's sister! she was in the whole program and I think is living with them to help too!

I don't think she is a saint

I see a woman who is coping with a very sick husband, children, a career and possibly not looking after herself in the process.

If she goes to the bottom of the garden and screams I wouldn't criticise her. I've felt like it myself when I was caring for a loved one, working and bringing up a family.
She's coping well as far as I could see.

Galaxy

I suppose that makes me wonder how helpful this programme is, because I dont think it promotes conversation (and I dont think Kate needs to take on the role of promoting conversation about care along with everything else so I am not laying any responsibility at her door) it's just so polarised either she is a saint or we get absolutely horrible comments.
And any response is about a real person so it's almost impossible. I thought Ben Shepherd was trying to be her friend and I think it is only a friend rather than people watching who can say some of the difficult things that may need to be said. You see I feel a cow saying even that.

You see I feel a cow saying even that.

Why? You haven't said anything derogatory about anyone. Just given an articulate opinion which people may or may not agree with...

I deliberately use Johnson's second name to counter act all the Boris nonsense. Names are an interesting thing and I think they can be used in a way that is hurtful.

Yep.
I have only ever known people to bark out surnames when the person is a 10 year old who has been naughty.

MissAdventure

I'm sure the programme would have been called 'Caring for Mr. Garraway' if it was so important to be formal.

I was referring to Kate Garraway being referred to by her surname alone.
It seems rude and dismissive.

Derek is Derek Draper.

As long as its helpful to Kate and her family, that's all that really matters.

And I think talking about consent and how people with complex conditions communicate their needs and how we interpret that is not about hiding people away. I talk about consent and communication issues all the time in my work. Often I and those who work with people with complex needs are guessing and it's important not to pretend otherwise.

I suppose that makes me wonder how helpful this programme is, because I dont think it promotes conversation (and I dont think Kate needs to take on the role of promoting conversation about care along with everything else so I am not laying any responsibility at her door) it's just so polarised either she is a saint or we get absolutely horrible comments.
And any response is about a real person so it's almost impossible. I thought Ben Shepherd was trying to be her friend and I think it is only a friend rather than people watching who can say some of the difficult things that may need to be said. You see I feel a cow saying even that.

123kitty

Not being a tv fan I haven't watched this programme, but I have seen newspaper photos of KG's husband in hospital - which I found very intrusive.

Very sick people are vulnerable. And we see them in their most susceptible and unguarded moments.

The question is - is it good or bad that we are made aware of the frailty of the human condition?

I presume that Kate would not have allowed the photo's if she thought Derek would object.

If it helps people - carers like myself - to feel less 'alone', less alienated from the rest of society, and if it helps others to understand the severity of an illness that is dismissed by many as "just like the Flu" or a "bad cold" and make them more careful in the way they behave... is it really so "intrusive"?

I know the great British stiff upper lip would have us suffer in silence, because it's "dignified" - and believe me, many of us do suffer in silence, day in, day out, often exhausted and sometimes depressed... but we do it, because we care and because it has to be done. Successive governments have shown their indifference - even contempt - for 'unpaid' carers, and this one is no different (this isn't 'Boris bashing' - the problem existed long before he ever got a sniff at Downing Street)... some of the comments on here ("milking it"? dear God) reflect that contempt, too.

I'm glad people got the chance (because you can always choose not to watch the programme) to see what the world - that 'nether' world - is like. And it's like that for millions of people - without the necessary finances to make it as comfortable as Kate does for Derek.

At some point, we are all going to be cared for by someone to some degree or other (unless of course you simply drop dead in your shoes).

Kate and Derek earn their living through the media - Kate has used her means to keep things ticking over... that's how we live, that's her job. And she's used her talent and know how to highlight the awfulness of long Covid, and the rigours of looking after not only her partner, but the children and herself and the home. She can afford a carer - good for her, I'd also get that help if I could afford it, but I don't begrudge her because she can. What is money for - for the average person - if not to make life more comfortable?

... "intrusive"? Only if he didn't want to be seen like that - and I'm sure Kate cares enough about him to have thought carefully before handing over those photo's. Perhaps it makes people feel uncomfortable, but that is more their problem than hers. Illness is uncomfortable, for the ill and the carer, and that's what she's showing us.

It is very sad that there seem to be several Daily Mail-esque comments on here today. Shouldn’t we remember the mantra: is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?

He can speak.
He tells Kate he loves her.