Long Lost Family itv 9pm tonight

Gingster

Wish they’d get rid of Davina. She is truly awful and cringe making. He false smiles and the pathetic faces she pulls , is a real turnoff.

And the creepy whispers she does “is my father still alive?”
P…….. A ……… U…….. S……….E…………. Ghostly whisper ‘ he is.’

Davina's long pauses are excruciating to witness! Embarrassing and unnecessary. Good to know Chris had wonderful parents and a happy childhood.
I can see why people yearn for their roots and need to know the circumstances of their birth and I always hope their search ends in happiness - but it is a massive and brave step to take. I am not adopted so have no real understanding of what it must feel like , but opening a ' can of worms ' not too sure about that.

travelsafar

Watching at the moment and Davina delivering the news about Chris' parents. She is really annoying with the long delays in telling the poor man.

That's just what I thought. Very uneasy viewing.

Mmm I feel the same about Davina , those dreadful pauses and poor Chris already traumatised had to keep asking about his family i really felt for him . So glad he had a good life . His poor mum , how sad , an abusive husband and a bas...d according to his sister. I wonder if his mums husband knew about her pregnancy . Life was so awful for pregnant girls in the past , thank goodness times have changed . I do like this program though I often cry through it .

On again tonight. new case.

I love watching the programme. Davina doesn't bother me, I know she's probably being directed to be like that and it's just for effect.
I'm also adopted and looked so very different to my adoptive parents the subject nearly always came up in conversation with people I had not long met. It was easier to get it out in the open, it was either that or try to laugh off the 'nudge,nudge,wink,wink.... it must have been the postman' comments.
The only time I felt the need to try and trace my birth mother was when I had a child of my own. I understand it's quite common for these feelings to surface around a childbirth event. The idea took further hold when, at a family event of my husband's, I was introduced to a family friend of my MIL. It turned out her son and I shared a birthday and birth year, and he was born in the same town as me. I came away from that event thinking the lady I had spoken to could have been in the same ward or next bed as my birth mother.

In the late 1980's I went through the process of getting my original birth certificate and finding out my original name and birth mothers name (no fathers name on the certificate). I had to be allocated a social worker who took me through the process. She asked me what I wanted to do with the information and how far I wanted to take it. At the time I wanted to know a name and address, beyond that I wasn't sure. Once I had the information I paused and took stock. The drive to find out more was no longer very strong and that was as far as I took it.

Fast forward to 2020, just before lockdown, and I received a hand written addressed letter using my maiden name and stamped with the name of a social services department. I instinctively knew what this might mean and to be honest hesitated to open it.

I had been found. The letter inside was from a social worker and asked me some personal and also some vague questions. After getting in contact with her via email she let me know about a younger sibling who had started the search.
I must admit my first uncharitable thought was 'I hope they don't want a kidney or some stem cells'..... I was asked that if I wanted to know more I should arrange a meeting with the social worker who had sent the letter. She was very happy to travel to meet with me but lockdown intervened and we had a telephone conversation instead.
I learnt I was the eldest of four children. The youngest sibling had instigated the search and found two older siblings who had been brought up by our mother. From there it gets even more complex because when questioned by her middle children she denied everything. They provided proof by the way of documents provided by the social worker and eventually she admitted it and then confessed to another older child who had also been adopted (me). Up until that moment no-one was aware of my existence.
I think the search had taken about two years up to finding me. I was provided with email addresses of all the siblings and we exchanged detailed emails over the next few weeks. I discovered that geographically our paths had crossed on more than one occasion.
I was also sent some photographs of our mother and could immediately see a resemblance.
Over the next year or so I began to understand the family dynamics a bit better. From being an only child it now seemed I had to contend with some sibling rivalry...... and I didn't like the feeling of that one little bit. I also recognised that the youngest sibling had been searching to fill an emotional gap in their life. I had no such gap to fill and began to wonder if I was taking on more than I really wanted to be bothered with.
Friends and family were very supportive and I understood how much I was already loved and cherished by them.
Eventually, once restrictions where eased I made plans to meet with my closest in age sibling. We saw each other a couple of times that year and I was then asked if I would like to go on holiday with them. Just the two of us. It was OK, but not the laughing, seeing the funny side closeness I get with my best friend or family. During the holiday I learnt they were a serial complainer, hoping to wangle discounts or refunds at every stage and finding fault with almost everything (Interestingly their first thought when finding out they had a younger sibling who had been adopted was 'I hope they have not been in prison'. I'm not sure what those first thoughts say about us both!). Our contact has since cooled to be almost non-existent and I'm comfortable with that.
I have met the other two siblings separately, but getting all four of us together seems unlikely. Mum has made it clear she does not want to meet either of her adopted children and although there was a time where she seemed more receptive to meeting me that moment seems to have gone. I began to worry that my youngest sibling might be upset by this but I have heard from them and they have recently reconnected with their adoptive mother, something I think they might have been searching for all along.
I don't have a massive burning desire to meet her but I think it's a shame given that she is still very much alive. It is something that other adoptive children sometimes never get the chance to do because the birth parents have since died.
We are all on Facebook of course and follow one another. It has been said that my daughter looks similar to a siblings daughter. They would be cousins and they do look alike. I guess we will continue to exchange birthday and Christmas cards, but I can't see us getting any closer than that. Geographically it is a bit difficult. My closest in age sibling told me quite early on that they were not a very close family. My impression is that their involvement in this search had brought them a bit closer for the duration but now the excitement has died down it seems to be reverting back to the way it was.
Sorry to witter on.....

I have used their/they/them pronouns for no other reason than to protect their anonymity.

My DH was adopted when he was a few months old in 1959. It was only in 2017 when after his adoptive parents had both gone and watching Long Lost Family I persuaded him to let me help him find his birth family. We found his mum who had sadly passed away in 1995 but has 4 half sisters and a half brother who are half Ghanaian. His white English mum married a Ghanaian a few years after he was adopted. The family is massive with many cousins and half cousins. After a DNA test with Ancestry we found out who his father was. No-one was sure about him but the test was conclusive. He had also passed away but he had 3 sons. We have not contacted the 3 brothers. We have a good relationship with his mums children and have been really welcomed into the family. So going from an only child he has now 4 half sisters and 4 half brothers.

amazing how alike the brother and sister and other found siblings were last night..
abandoned in a box on someones doorstep in winter he was lucky to survive the night.. so pleased he found his family. you cannot argue with dna then to see the likeness was good.

Thank you for sharing SuperTinny - a fascinating piece

Moonwatcher1904 - another very interesting story. Thank you.

Fascinating stories SuperTinny and Moonwatcher1904. Thank you so much for sharing.

Following on from a conversation with my daughter on the weekend and also watching LLF I found your stories really interesting Moonwatcher and SuperTinny.

I wonder if there will ever be a series of five or ten years on……

Thank you both.

What I hate as an adoptive mother is the way that we, who love and care for these children, are barely acknowledged. I just can't watch it. My adopted son and in turn his adopted daughter, have both brought great joy to our family but I have to say it is quite hard when your child traces their birth parents.

Sewnsew that's why my DH waited until his adoptive parents had passed.

100% agree with iam64. Trust me, it’s not all roses, it’s heavily produced to tug at the heart strings for viewings. Behind the scenes it’s hardly ever a happy ending. I don’t like it, it’s a glorified soap opera, but using peoples real life sad history to gain popularity.

It is true until you know who you are, you don't find peace. I was bought up an only child in a large extended family of what glitters is not necessarily gold. My story is like something you would read in a Victoria Holte/Cathleen Cookson novel spanning 4 generations, full of secrets and lies. My father was a violent man too. In a nutshell "Family secrets - what you don't know can hurt you" written by John Bradshaw was a big part of my journey of self discovery.

Hindsight potted history: I grew up a fearful, sensitive child in a large extended family and large friendship circle. My Grandparents (maternal) were wealthy and well known in the area and surrounding city we were bought up in. For example my late mom who was born in 1925 was private schooled as were the rest of the family.

Both my grsndmas were strong maverick women. My mom's, mom especially who had her own business. My maternal Grandpa worked for my grandma dad family business which was passed on to my great uncles.

The family owned an AFC and were big in the football and tennis world.

My mom was allowed (I kid you not) to date my dad. He was divorced (1954) and in the RAF. He would have have been chased off if mom had been younger. However mom was 30 and they needed to get her off the shelf. The reason for my father divorce was dad could afford it. It would have been the other way round today the divorce.

Hindsight: looking back I can see that I knew something wasn't right about my childhood. I acted out and was born to live the story I was born too which was to stop my mom leaving dad (it worked) and to look after my mom in her old age (It worked) Mom was the baby of the family. My grandma was 44 when mom was born)

I made awful choices in my young life (Dad died when I I was 18 which was no loss) leaving an unhealthy codependent relationship with mom and I.

I met the ex, married and had 4 children with him. I found out I had 2 half brothers I didn't know I had in 1996 by my father. Long story I won't go into it and why I hadn't been told before.

I did track them down pretty quickly. They are alot older than me. My ones bro has now passed away, 3 years ago. My other brother is still going strong at 87 though he only looks about 70.

To summarise the destruction our father left behind was immense. The immense mental health issues to my one brother and I has been major. Though we both have learnt to manage them rather than them manage us.

I have C PTSD as a consequence of this and my life. Ofcourse my family have a part in this. My grandparents and family help perpetuate the lie coupled with all else it really is historical novel stuff.

I'm washed out on therapy over the passed 20 years. I'm one of the lucky ones who has got all the help I need.

I was also blessed to meet my 2nd husband who was and is an amazing man. Unfortunately he passed away 5 years ago unexpectedly. He shown me love and real relationship, was and is the Dad he didn't have to be to mine

So that's my very brief story. I understand the posters saying it's far removed from real life as we don't see the aftermath.

However I do watch it even though the presenters are a pain because I know first hand what it is like to live in a world like "The Trueman Show" where everyone else knows the truth but you. I also know what it's like to not know who you are. There is no possibility of inner peace until you do.

That is why I'm an H & M supporters. I totally identify with Harry living in "The Trueman Show"

I know that last paragraph is w bit controversial however for me it's worth chucking in as it gives I hope an understanding to some about support for them

I cannot look at these programmes, they are too close too home.
I didn't look for my birth mother until after my adopted parents had both passed away. I had the most wonderful loving mother and father. As l had married an American l need my original birth certificate to gain entry to the USA so l had all the information l needed for many years.
It didn't take me long to find a grandmother, uncle and aunt and numerous cousins when l returned to the UK. All lovely when we met up.
My birth mother had also married an American, not my father and lived in Texas and had 4 more children. At first she was OK. She use to visit the UK annually to see her mum and we met up for the day in Cambridge. She told me her dad had forced her to give me up.
Things changed dramatically when she found out l was married to someone black, she then told me another story, that l was the product of a rape and that she never wanted to see me again. Also if any member of her family tried to contact me she would disown them.
I immediately cut all, contact with her, but her brother contacted to let me know she had lied and made up the story of the rape.
All l can say is be careful what you wish for, not every story has a happy ending.

I like the programme and I think Davina and Nicky do a good job. I think the programme is thought provoking about human nature in general, and the extent to which people are damaged by abandonment.

I managed to watch yesterday, Tuesday. I do watch UK TV as it is so much better than USA. I tuned in partway but I thought the lovely man whose awful father left him in a box at a house in Hayes, near London. He said his adoptive parents gave him a good life but he thought he was alone in the world after they died. His sister Cherry was so pleased to meet him.I love programmes like this and always have tears in my eyes when I see families reunited. I do agree about Davina trying to make a dramatic effect with her long pauses, but just irritates.

Maya that must have been horrible for you. Sending hugs.

My DS and DBiL adopted 2 boys both of whom have now searched for and found their birth mothers. Neither was very satisfactory but at least it gave them a bit of closure. I don't think either of them discovered their birth fathers.
Their adoptive parents have been and are great people though DSis still occasionally wonders if she did the right thing .
Both boys are mixed race and nowadays they wouldn't have been placed with white parents.
I reassure them that those boys have had an infinitely better life than they'd have had if they'd been left in the orphanages.

I wonder why anyone would want to take part in such a programme?

I can fully understand that if a family member or a good friend goes missing, you would try to trace them through the Salvation Army and whoever else is good at finding people.

But let's face it: People go missing or decide not to have contact with family and friends for a reason,

The reason may not seem good to the people "left" but surely the situation can only be made worse by publishing a version of it to all and sundry?

I don't think anyone is justified in making entertainment out of circumstances like these, especially as it is usually on the one party's version we hear.

I met my father for the very first time when I was 48. He had left my mother and sister when she was six months pregnant with me and we came back to the uk from Canada, and they subsequently divorced. We had no contact or maintenance with him at all even though he was a successful barrister and my mother had a struggle to cope. After she died my sister tracked him down and made contact, and he invited us to go and stay with him and his third wife. I felt no animosity to him at all as I’d had a very happy childhood and had really thought of myself as an immaculate conception! Not so much my sister thought, as she had some vague memories of him.

I’m posting this as I really can’t understand how family members fall into each other’s arms, because although we were made very welcome, he was just always a stranger. We went to stay with him three times before he died. He never apologised as he wasn’t that sort of man, but he did say that he’d regretted some things that he had done, and some things that he hadn’t done. His life had not been very happy. His second marriage was a disaster although the step mother we met was just lovely and reminded my sister and I very much of our mother. Full circle!

I like the program but Davina is not good on it. She needs to take leaf out of the Aussie and American programs.
Its like pulling teeth to get the info out of her.

I don't watch this one but find all these types of programmes involving emotions and responses are often handled insensitively and sometimes manipulatively. The obligatory long silence is both tedious and unnecessary. Questions are asked can be too intrusive and audience driven.