Old Life Crisis?

No, you are not being unreasonable and you deserve to enjoy yourself. We are not here for ever.
I think you should do your own thing, strike out while you have your health and strength.
If you love your husband and want to remain in the relationship, maybe a compromise is in order. Agree to disagree and accept you are different people with different needs. You may have a close friend who will go along with some new ventures, or you can do things by yourself.
Your plans sound on the big side, possibly curtailing them a little will still give you the change you need.

I agree with hollysteers. Do things for yourself! My neighbour started small and booked a yurt on a campsite and took herself off with the dog [partner was not interested in anything but the garden]. She had a great time and is going to book more things for herself. Start with babysteps and see how you get on. He may decide he wants to join you they do say absence can make the heart grow fonder. Or something like that!

Bashful
Are you in a financial position to buy your own ‘small’ camper?
My friend ( age 66) newly single has just done this.
You never know, your husband might like the idea once he see’s it.
We have a motohome that tows a smart car. We do that as it gives us more flexibility.

It is sad that your DH has already become so set in his ways, whereas you have years of adventure in you. Is he a lot older than you?

If he is adamant he wants to stay put, then plan out your own escapes and make it very plain that you are going with or without him. He might find he misses you and will want to come on the next one. But don't waste your life, you only have one, now is your time to get out there and enjoy it!

Not being unreasonable.
Maybe start with some small ‘adventures and ask him if he wants to join in.
If not find a willing friend or arrange things for yourself.
Life is for living.

I don't have any solution *Bashful *but I so know what you mean. The pandemic has made everything worse, two years of life slipping by, he'll be 70 next year and he's settling down to his books and his garden and I can't bear it.

What to do? I suppose the 'do it by yourself' response is the only one unless the marriage is at an end but what a moment to split up! I've been trying to book a break for myself but so far the response from holiday lets is booked until October, the joy of staycations!!

I can only send sympathy and best wishes, you're not alone.

You have to pursue your own dreams, if your husband is happy staying at home then so be it. One good option might be to see if any of your friends are in the same boat, as if so you could travel and adventure together - I’d ask them, lots of people still have a lust for living an exciting life, and not always those you’d expect to.

Go ahead and do your own thing Bashful not sure about your financial situation as your husband speaks about 'his' money. Talk to him about how you feel and if you can't reach a compromise have your own adventures. Have you any friends who would like to take trips with you.

Thanks everyone for your sympathy and suggestions. I may have to start doing things on my own but it’s not what I envisaged for us. He used to be so enthusiastic about things but not now and he’s only in his late sixties. I love him deeply and did want to share exciting times with him in later life as it’s not the same on your own or with a friend. That’s looking like my only option at the moment though.

I agree with starting small and seeing where it goes. You don't say when he retired, I wonder if he needs a year or two "downtime " and you may find he takes things up as your circumstances change.
Certainly don't build a house unless you are both deeply committed,and don't take up camping without prior experience!

Bashful get out there and do your own thing while you have your health and a bit of money.
What would be the worst thing is another 5/10 years down the line you did nothing and nothing changed and you look back and have huge regrets.
Life is for living not calcifying.
If you go off and have a great time it might be the kick up the bum he needs

I had a friend in a similar situation. She booked herself coach holidays which started in her home town and thoroughly enjoyed herself. She said she often came across the same people doing the same thing and she made many good friends.

I work 3days a week and My DH retired April,after 45+ years of hard manual labour he deserves to relax, he has taken a few weeks to settle into not working 10+ hours a day, and like your DH is very worried about money. But as I explained we aren’t going to live forever. And lots of people survive on a lot less than us.
But very slowly he is getting use to the idea that we can just go somewhere different for a walk, (National Trust Membership being used.) When the weather is good not just weekends. No excuse. I say “I am going … are you coming”? And off we go he just doesn’t know how to organise his free time as he has never had any?

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Reported

My husband is disabled so I'm restricted in what I can do but I'm with your husband on the camper van. Id find it claustrophobic. Makes me think of that beautiful young American woman who went off on an adventure in a campervan with her partner and ended up dead then he killed himself.
Maybe your husband feels like me.
Maybe you just need to find an adventure that appeals to both of you if that's possible. Good luck.

I agree about finding something that appeals to both of you. Maybe start by going out together once a week. Some men find retirement difficult and aren’t good at managing their time but a bit of persuasion often works. If money is tight why not use buses assuming you have bus passes. Get a timetable and see where you can go. So many things are free or virtually free. We often take a flask of coffee and our own snacks these days as everything is so expensive.

This is an old thread but would like to know if the OP went ahead with her adventures.

Skydancer

I agree about finding something that appeals to both of you. Maybe start by going out together once a week. Some men find retirement difficult and aren’t good at managing their time but a bit of persuasion often works. If money is tight why not use buses assuming you have bus passes. Get a timetable and see where you can go. So many things are free or virtually free. We often take a flask of coffee and our own snacks these days as everything is so expensive.

Probably lots of men have been working for 50 years or close to, before that years in education. Perhaps they need a period of having no time commitments, no one telling them where and what they should be doing.

Of course women have similar but until recently they could retire earlier and most of us have had breaks from paid work, SAHM or maternity leave.

It's complicated isn't it, needs or wants aren't always going to be the same or even possible. Hopefully people can come together.

Casdon

You have to pursue your own dreams, if your husband is happy staying at home then so be it. One good option might be to see if any of your friends are in the same boat, as if so you could travel and adventure together - I’d ask them, lots of people still have a lust for living an exciting life, and not always those you’d expect to.

This.
I agree if DH sees you off and enjoying, teaching by example?

Zombie thread 🧟‍♀️🧟🧟‍♂️

Wyllow3

Casdon

You have to pursue your own dreams, if your husband is happy staying at home then so be it. One good option might be to see if any of your friends are in the same boat, as if so you could travel and adventure together - I’d ask them, lots of people still have a lust for living an exciting life, and not always those you’d expect to.

This.
I agree if DH sees you off and enjoying, teaching by example?

The op hasn’t replied to any posts since 2021

Perhaps she's done a Shirley Valentine!

This idea may appal you, but here goes...

How about you get a part-time job and use your earnings to do something that you want to do - you can of course include DH if he's willing.

You don't say what your interests are, but have a look at your local adult education programme. There are all sorts of programmes, some partly outdoor. (I've just signed up for Spanish and hope my class-mates will be friendly.)