I'm scared to retire

Take the plunge and DO IT. I finally retired this year after months and months of agonising over it. You will find your own identity after a while. I have taken up DIY and I love it. I meet up with old friends, spend time with my family and if I fancy a lie in I have one.You will settle in to your new identity in time. I worked solidly for 46 years and decided that enough was enough. My attitude to work didn't match up with what is required these days anyway. I felt that these constant KPI's and monthly progress reports just stopped me from working and were a waste of time - I didn't need a meeting to try to 'up my game' or try to put right something I had done wrong .
Now there are just not enough hours in the day. I want to do more arts and crafts, sing at care homes, turn my spare room into a nice guest room, do more sewing, meet up with more friends.
GO for it !

I would add to all the varied and helpful comments, that I have been retired 5 years and NOW I am having a great time. However I retired at a time when there were a few difficulties in my life, thinking it would help. It didn't. It made them worse and I became ill as a result. I'd say, try and choose a time when all at home is steady and well balanced.

Thank you so much everyone for such kind and wise words! I had no idea a forum like this existed and I'm so glad I found it. I've been struggling with this for a while but haven't found anyone I could discuss it with who understood and wouldn't be too coy with their views. I'm going to think very carefully about everything you've suggested but will probably take the slow route and see how I go. I like the idea of retirement being a blank page for me to do with as I wish. Perhaps I should try a new user name to be more positive!

Our office was closed down and we were all made redundant 5 years ago. I hated it because it was not my choice to stop working and I missed the social interaction terribly as we all got on so well and everyone had a good sense of humour. I tried applying for other jobs to start with but got fed up being interviewed by people so much younger than me who told me I didn't have enough experience!! I have been working in the community for the last 4 years as a Volunteer with the Age UK befriending scheme, which I really enjoy. That plus grandparent duties and the occasional trip out, lunch with friends, etc is how life is now. (I still miss the job though).

Reading this thread, I was interrupted by a call about my involvement in the Liveage Festival, later I have to finish the final chapter of my trilogy of YA books, then post a blog for this week.

Outside sunshine beckons and there are tomatoes to be potted up.

Am I retired? In theory I suppose so, but it practice it doesn't feel like that. I'm not earning much if anything from my writing, but I am finally, finally living the life I always dreamed of.

I know that I am lucky because I have a great relationship with my husband, good health and children and grandchildren and we have reasonable pensions.

It did however take me at least a year to find my way into this new way of life. At first I raced around finding paid work and "meaningful" things to fill my time. Give yourself time and you too may find, like so many of us, that you simply don't miss work.

I've had two colleagues/friends who so desperately didn't want to retire. One worked until she was nearly 70 - I could understand as her husband had died in his 50s - but decided she wasn't really able to do her job properly. Another was only 60 but was really pushed out and was devastated. However, having both taken the plunge, or been forced to, the first was fortunate enough to afford a long trip to Australia which she took almost as soon as she retired and never looked back. The second friend took a while to settle, because of the circumstances surrounding her departure, is now really enjoying her retirement. She works as a volunteer at a local hospice and has found a friend to travel with. I'm lucky that I couldn't wait to retire and am writing this whilst staying with DH in a cottage in Derbyshire waiting to go for a lovely walk, stopping for lunch in a pub. This really is the life if you are lucky enough to afford it.

I too lived for my work, put work before everything but due to an appallingly badly managed reorganisation found myself unable to continue working . Luckily I could afford to leave (retire really as I am 59and have no wish to start looking for a new job). I left at the end of March and have now been 'at home' for six weeks.

Do I miss work? Not at all. Am I sleeping better- yes. Am I loving the freedom? Yes. But I do miss a sense of doing something valuable and worthwhile, and I miss not being financially independent. I am still doing a small amount of work e.g a day a month, have joined the gym and am exercising most days. I am experiencing some existential angst and feel that I need some time to come to terms with who I am without work. This is scary. I have lots of projects I want to do but at the moment am struggling with motivation. I am sure that this is short term and have no wish to return to anything like full time work ( or even part time in truth). I am hopeful that in a couple of months this 'who am I" question will fade. I am me and I now have the time to enjoy being me.

Like work there will be good days and bad days. I went with part-time and then to the full retirement. The volunteer work increased as paid work decreased - I count grandchildren in the volunteer bit! I was lucky in that I bought a motorhome and went to stay near my grandchildren for a couple of weeks at a time. I developed friends in both areas due to my frequent visits. As I didn't stay in the house with the family all the time I hope it has helped me see more of my grandchildren without becoming an intrusive MIL. New interests are the key.

I 'retired' 12 years ago now and like meadowgran first my mother then my father became ill and I wondered how I would have had the time to cope. I think Alina's view about going down to four, three, two days a week to get used to it is great if that is possible. We reckon we have had no more than a handful of free days in all that time. There are lots of local groups to join (walking, music, U3A, choirs, theatre volunteers etc) and you could become a Gransnet Local Editor which I did and I thoroughly enjoy that role, which needs something to be done every day but it's not a total disaster if you miss a day and it certainly gives you a knowledge of what's going on in your area! I have had close friends who live by themselves who have really dreaded retirement but now love working in the garden and travelling with friends. All the best and don't worry you will wonder how you had time to fit in work! All the best!

You add your own challenge and variety, it's as simple as that. I have just finished a complicated piece of homework from my photoshop course - challenge; and the week will include a trip to the ballet, lunch with friends, leading drama sessions at a museum and shopping in various types of centres, oh, and taking photos of a Goth style model in a Victorian graveyard.

All sounds silly I know, but the main thing I would report about the life in retirement is that it is indeed much more varied than a workaday schedule, especially if you have earned enough to afford it.

I was in exactly your position 14 months ago. Long hours and a two hour commute each way plus horrendous Directors had exhausted me yet I felt defined by the status and prestige of my job and also my pension income was going to be low. Although I was glad of the rest I hated being retired at first. I always went back to work early after my four maternity leaves too. Then only four months into retirement a family bereavement meant I was very sad and dealing with a mountain of probate admin. How I would have coped whilst still at work I do not know. In September I started an A level course in a subject I had always been interested in but doing it in one year rather than two. I was also able to act as emergency carer for my DGDs. At first my partner and I did not get on but gradually we have adjusted. I think this came with the realisation that in our mid sixties we may not have that many years left together in active good health and we should go out and enjoy things together as much as we could. So don't expect to enjoy it immediately it may take you a year to adjust but I am now so glad I did retire and I am very happy.

As the OP has yet to reply, I hope no one will mind my jumping in and saying thanks for the positive suggestions. They got me thinking differently, and as someone said, maybe retirement needs to be entered into gently, (part time), for those of us who are reluctant.

jinglbellsfrocks you're right that it probably depends on one's own nature. I need to be pitting myself against the clock and grasping challenges in order to function, but I guess I will still be able to do that in more sedate ways. So instead of jostling on the tube to get to work, I could still have that enjoyable experience but end up at an art gallery for the day instead. (with lots of breaks for coffee too). The overall experience will still be pretty much the same.

I think I am actually scared of the stereotyped "tired" person in the word retirement - quietly sewing, baking cakes or snoozing in the armchair. But as lots of you have said, it doesn't have to be like that at all.

I agree-you will find, however did you have time to go to work? It's such a pleasure, on the days when you don't need to be out early, to go downstairs in dressing gown (shock, horror!) have leisurely breakfast, read paper, then go back upstairs to shower and get ready.
Once I retired I was then able to use my skills working for DD1 who is self employed and lives 15 mins walk away. I have agreed to do Tues and Fri mornings but we're both flexible which is great.
Monday I do keep fit. Tues I work then meet up with other French speakers at U3A-which is brilliant. Wed is my "day off" so usually have a Lunch date with friends, fitting round any appointments eg optician, dentist etc.
Thurs keep fit again. Fri morning working.
Most afternoons a pleasant stroll to collect two youngest DGC from school and take them to ours before SIL collects them an hour later-great fun all round.
I don't know anyone who, in good health and financially ok, regrets retiring.
My only regret is how tired I am and how much pain I'm in so soon (Arthur-itis) but you just have to keep going I think.

'bagforlife' hi !

ease into it slowly. Don't set your alarm for one thing, and if you wake up like clockwork, remember you don't have to get dressed instantly... go and make a cup of tea and reflect on anything that suits before deciding to shower, get dressed etc etc.

Sort out your wardrobe. If you wear business wear to work, move it in favour of other things, and look to buy more casual wear.

I retired early in September. I don't miss work at all, but I miss the interaction with other people. I tend to stop and talk to people now when I am walking the dogs - I did not have the time to do that before.

I'm busy sorting out my garden properly, and have been decorating. I need new curtains for my dining room but now instead of buying them I;'ll make them. When I go away on holiday I want everything to be tidy and now I have the time to de-clutter and relax a little more.

I have children so I am always busy helping them, and now I have more time for them, but I also have more time for me - to enjoy the sunshine, to stop for a cuppa and read, or to watch something on the TV that I missed.

I have not got to the stage of joining a club yet but i am considering starting up a business which i never had the time for before.

One step at a time. Before you know it you will wonder how you found the time to go to work
Good luck !

I'm a volunteer in my local museum. I'm involved in a range of activities but mainly stewarding an air raid shelter and also supporting the education officer with school groups. All the fun of working with young people without any of the faff. I also volunteer with the Forestry Commission as a volunteer education ranger. The job is changing due to the FC outsourcing their education provision but I still work in the woodland helping the staff and working with people who enjoy visiting our forests. I love it!

floradora I know just what you mean about the over commercialisation of charity shops , it seems that a lot of them are big business and are not much fun to shop or work in !
I worked for BHF shop for 9+ years but left for the reasons you stated . I now work for a local animal charity shop , run solely by voluntary staff so all proceeds go to the sanctuary . We all work very hard doing all the jobs required to run a very successful shop , I absolutely love my days there and would suggest that people wanting voluntary work look for an independent shop .

My work has never defined me. it was just one aspect of me. Work apart, all my other interests continued with me from work to retirement. What is more I found voluntary work that used the same skills as I used when I was working I certainly did not lose my identity when I retired.

Retirement is what you make it. When we retire we have a host of choices ahead of us. Some choose the slippers and a nice glass of wine retirement. Others cultivate crafts and hobbies that they have been saving for retirement, others pursue education, voluntary work, of every kind from helping in shops and day centres to running organisations. One of my friends was awarded the OBE for his post-retirement work.

I you are moving towards retirement, with retirement a blank piece of paper, spend your last year at work thinking about and planning for the retirement you want.

Work does define who you : are I worked in a small town and was known by many because of my work . After 16 years I still wish I was back at work part time . I did many years in a charity shop which helped but they are getting so comercialised and the poor workers have no say at all in the decisions made .I left without a word of thanks from anyone as did many others.

No one is going to tell a volunteer they are doing too much! They are crying out for them. You can work at it most of the week if you want to, and start early morning!

I went to a meeting recently where we had to introduce ourselves to the person (that we didn't know') and tell themselves something about ourselves. It was refreshing to find out afterwards that no one had mentioned their job, or children or grandchildren.
If I had any more time I would get involved with our local theatre doing PR work or with the wildlife trust doing field work. My son volunteered with them for a while but he did computer work in the office. The citizen's advice bureau is another one that might be interesting.
It really is just like having a job, e.g. I go on training courses, but you have more control. (Some of the training courses have had working people doing the same course. The other difference is that as a volunteer you can just take time off for a family crisis or illness.

I'm not retired but I had a very demanding, long hours job which I had to give up for personal reasons. I absolutely lived and breathed work; I had no other life!

Once I'd left, though, I never gave it another thought. I didn't even miss the banter not that there was much or my colleagues.

I did feel a jack of identity, though. I struggled with that. I realised that I'd identified too much with work, and built my personality around it. But I was never, ever bored. I learned a musical instrument, joined a choir, made new friends.

I don't work so much now; I'm trying to build my work back up again. I'm looking forward to working more but I've had a nice break..

In your shoes? I'd retire tomorrow, in a heartbeat.

I was one of the posters on the other thread who did not think retirement was the bees knees! I'm very lucky in having a loving DH, two lovely grown-up kids, sweet grandchildren and economic security. Yes, as I said, VERY lucky, and I am appreciative. However, after retirement I missed my job more than I can say and it took me a very long time to adjust. So, OP, think long and hard. You DO lose your identity, despite what anyone may tell you and going part time may not be the answer - part timers in most work places tend to be out of the loop to some extent. Of course, we all have to retire at some point but perhaps you have not yet reached that point.

I can't see why anyone is defined by a job, it is just a part of who you are and it is very liberating to find other things out of the straight jacket.
If you don't like gardening, cooking and sewing then don't do them!
There is so much to do the huge problem is that a lot of it clashes. I was thrilled today because it was the first time in ages that I was completely free and then it rained off my plans for a day out.
The volunteering world is huge and you can do just about anything in it - people are crying out for people with skills. You just don't get paid. Google volunteering and your area and you will likely be amazed. I have 3 volunteering jobs we roughly translate to teaching, social work and history.
The U3A is great for new skills, or using old ones or just social things.
You will most likely wonder how you had time to work!
If your job did define you , you can keep that- you just say that you are 'a retired.......'.
There is no need to have a lazy morning - although the novelty has not worn off with me.
There is plenty to talk about with my husband as we do different things a lot of the time and who wants to talk about work anyway? It is very boring unless with a colleague.
Why not find out the possibilities before you take the plunge?

I retired 5 years ago and have never regretted it. I was a teacher with senior management responsibilities so my life revolved around work and, like other posters I was the main earner. I didn't go part time but just stopped working. However I did make sure that I got plenty of voluntary activities lined up. Unfortunately a series of family crises occurred just as I retired so the voluntary work was put on the back burner for almost a year. Looking back I don't know how we would have coped with all the family stuff had I been working.
You have to do what you feel is right for you. It is scary but then any new experience can be. Retirement can be your golden time if you want it to be.
Good luck with whichever path you choose.

Hello
I had very negative views about retirement and lived and breathed my work for years.I always sadly put my job first and like you felt it was how I identified myself.I was also main bread winner and could not afford to retire.I became increasingly tired and felt very stressed and began to not enjoy my life at all.i recently decided to retire following an extremely badly managed managerial reorganisation .i absolutely dreaded retirement and constantly worried ,however it is the best thing I could have done .I feel so well ,can sleep soundly and for the first time in years do not feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.!
Someone recommended I join our local U3A this has opened up so many opportunities I am learning new things every day enjoy meeting interesting people and have many social events to attend.I do not miss work at all just the salary !!