Fuddle at work....

I completely understand your fuddle, although I am unfamiliar with the word.
Is it like a muddle but with food?

@oldbatty, haha yes I suppose it is. I’m not very good in groups especially large ones where there are people I don’t know. The fear of walking into the work kitchen when it’s full of folk quite honestly scares me to death. There’s just not enough space and I find myself next to someone and unable to think of conversation. Argh!

There's another thread on a very similar subject GrannyorNanny and its surprising how many of us feel the way you do. We're not all social animals who enjoy a party and I truly believe that, once you get to your middle/later years, you should do whatever makes you the most comfortable.
I enjoy my job. I like the vast majority of the people that I work with. But I don't want to go out with them on any social events, nor do I want to attend an "enforced" social gathering in the office. I feel that I know those people only through the medium of work and I have very little in common with them outside of that setting. I no longer make excuses as to why I don't attend these events; I just very politely say "thank you for inviting me but I won't be attending. Thank you anyway". No more anxiety about what to say; what to wear; where to sit/stand. No drama!

Do what's right for you.

Thank you Chewbacca, it’s a good feeling when I hear that others do feel the same way. I’d just been telling my husband and he more or less said the same thing. There are some nice people that work there but they still tend to stay in their groups. I just don’t see me going.

I once read that the best way to deal with small talk, if you’re nervous is go through the alphabet and say something for each letter. Along the lines of -‘ Are you going away for Christmas? Beautiful cake, do you cook? (B,C,D taken care of in one sentence ?)

Me too I cannot think of things to say. But if there is food, this is nice who brought it, what do you think of this cake, sandwich etc, are you at home for Christmas etc . Have you ever been away for Christmas, have you got all your presents and so on. I find it easier at Christmas than over times of year.

Thanks J52, I’ve never heard this before but will remember to give it a go.

The best way to deal with a situation like this is for you to try not to focus on how you feel but on the other people there. It’s the same technique as when you’re lost for something to say, don’t talk about yourself but encourage others to talk about themselves. Then all you have to do is listen.

Your options are Go
Don't go
Go for a limited time

I know which one I would choose.

Grannyornanny would you usually be at work when your fuddle takes place?
If not then at this time of year it is much easier to say "sorry I have other arrangements" and avoid the occasion.
If you however you would normally be at work then its a little harder to get out of,
J52 excellent suggestions should help.

Goodluck

At least half the people at the party will feel like you.

I know the word fuddle as an early term for what is now called Secret Santa. Either way, food or gifts, it's more enforced seasonal jollity which I avoid like the plague. I'm not unsociable (far from) and I'm not a grinch but I am growing increasingly irritable with the kind of people who seem to think others need to be socially managed in this way.

GrannyOrNanny, I have posted something very similar. I know exactly how you feel and the anxiety, and going through all the different options in your head.
I think Chewbacca has very sound advice, no need to make any excuses, just politely decline. I have done this with some events this year.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

I know just how you feel, GrannyorNanny. I normally avoid things like this completely. If I have to go, I make myself busy in the kitchen - often there are only a couple of us in there so I'm more comfortable. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

On this occasion, it is after work so at least I can finish the day and leave them to it. I think life is too short to do things you don’t like doing. Thanks for the support everyone!