Upset about work

Nana, I have sent a private message.

I am sorry for your loss; it doesn't matter how far away people live. If they are important to you you need to grieve in your own way.
You should be able to say 'no' to extra hours without any worries. You should be able to go to work without fear of anyone being rude to you or treating you without respect.
The stress in the home-care field is huge at the best of times, and even more so just now, and all carers need to be able to take care of themselves too.
Can you book a few days off to give yourself a bit of self-care time?
Can you change agency?

It sounds to me that the Agency staff have no idea how to treat their staff at all,as to the other carer and her comments I'm afraid I would report her to your HR department and carry the complaint through.
You sound so unhappy with your work why not register with another agency there are plenty out there looking for good staff like you.

I would be they all have the same reviews with very similar complaints. Im looking for a job in a different field which is harder due to my age. I would leave but I cant till I have other employment. I have to book days off and give a month's notice I dont know what else to say I feel trapped.

Nanna29 condolences on the death of your aunt.
I have heard similar stories from my friend who who worked in the care industry. The pressure the companies are under seems to make some managers make poor choices. People who are reliable workers get the fallout when less reliable people fail to come into work.
In my friend's case her willingness to help out when there were staff shortages went totally unrecognised and, like OP, on an occasion when she was unable to help out with additional shifts she was shouted at by the managers. My friend found a different job, still using her skills as a care professional, but based in one place with qualified managers. Good luck Nanna29

That sounds a dreadful situation for you Nanna . It reiterates what they say about the care sector when they say people working in it feel undervalued. You have a right to go to work and not be abused in this way. It needs reporting or it will carry on. Is it an option where you may be able to do this kind of work privately?
Sorry for your loss.

DD’s mil is a carer. She recently had Covid and once she tested negative even although feeling vastly unwell with a hacking cough and low energy went back to work as it was demanded of her and they were short staffed. She is very caring and would not want any of her clients to suffer so staggered back. There does seem to be a shortage of staff who are not paid very much either by their companies who often treat them unfairly as you were Nanna29. You are perfectly entitled to say ‘no’. You are doing a great job. Don’t let them put you down. I suspect the supervisor is also under a lot of pressure too.

I should be able to say no without being shouted at shouldn't I
Yes you should Nanna29 also, the carer you work with, is a horrible person to treat you so nastily. The son of the client, should report her to your office as he heard her being bad mannered to you in his home!
I really feel for you!

Maybe the rota lady is under pressure but I'm afraid I dont have much sympathy for her im afraid. I've messaged the owner explained what has happened and that im going to take some time off so im waiting for a reply. I do want to help out I cant drive I dont think they realise how hard it is to walk and then be called fat or big by disrespectful staff and be shouted at when your grieving

The answer is easy, quit, and sign on next day with another company there are plenty of opportunities for care workers, friends of mine do it and it’s very stressful unless you can get private care jobs where you have time too care properly instead of a 15min flying visit.

Have you thought of one to one care there are often adverts in our local paper for people wanting full or part time care but not through an agency When the children were at school I did what used to be called ‘home help’ work but I just built up my own little list I didn’t do it through an agency it worked for me and everyone I had was very understanding if I had to take a day or even a week off

I've looking and I will keep looking however I cant drive private jobs seem to be asking for a driver. I've spoken to the owner I've told her im putting a sick note in for Monday im off this weekend. I explained everything that has happened and she said she.ll look into it. Not holding my breath. It will give me a bit of breathing space to get myself together. Thanks for the replys

One thing you could do is to role play with a friend or relative explaining how it makes you feel when you are shouted at by a manager or namecalled by a colleague. This will give you a framework with which to respond when it happens.

For example you could tell your manager that you do not appreciate being shouted at or spoken to in a disrespectful manner, Until s/he is prepared to apologise and give an undertaking to treat you with respect you will not be continuing the conversation. Then hang up or physically walk away.

I would recommend a short course of assertiveness training.

Is this something I can do online? An assertiveness course

Nobody should have to put up with bullying in the work place, and besides that, calling you fat or anything else derogatory is really unprofessional when you are both working in someone's home. I get your difficulties with not driving, so could you look for a job where you are actually working in a residential home? I would certainly report the other so called carer, she is unreliable, unprofessional, a bully and a liar, I am sure the son of the client who witnessed this will back you up. Get yourself another job, and tell the new employer why you are leaving. Good luck, keep us updated.

Im sure there are plenty more than this. one of the key elements of a course is doing role play but you could do this with a friend or relative. Or simply sit in front of the mirror and watch your own body language.

I did a few assertiveness courses when I was an academic because the uni encouraged it as staff development. However I am not a person who backs down from confrontation and have never been a "people pleaser."

store.workingvoices.com/all-courses/?type=bundle&utm_source=searchad&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=search&gclid=Cj0KCQjw06OTBhC_ARIsAAU1yOXsQLqsZQO1sEXkTMcDMGpBWkWk7VqZ9qHPYsOytKUdxq7PK-j8CAAaAqyIEALw_wcB

join a union. gmb is one that has campaigned for careworkers' rights. there are other unions too.
could you not go freelance. they are always needed round here. most clients don't need you to drive, as they are housebound. you could base yourself somewhere convenient for transport links, and maybe fill in a few hours during the day at another client if convenient, or as cover.
don't let these people get you down.
could you refuse to work with the abusive one, and/or put in a grievance about her.
good luck. and condolences on your sad loss.