Nasty/ignorant colleague

Bit drastic GraceQuirrel I think work colleagues are just that. They are not friends and we just have to get on and work with them. I don't think it's necessary to be over friendly although of course it helps.

My late mother would have advised to " kill her with kindness" ....be nice to her, say hello, bring in someting to share, offer to get her a coffee, compliment her on ...ask her opinion on ...basically, get her on your side.It never failed her ..

Sorry to say it but but resigning is the only way to go. For whatever reason they don’t like you I don’t think it will change and I could not work with that. I’d be on the hunt for something else.

BlueBelle

Well you re calling her a nasty ignorant colleague in your heading but if you ve never spoken to her how do you work out that she’s nasty or ignorant
Some people gel some don’t just get on with your work and talk to colleagues that seem pleasant toward you

Presumably OP worked out that she's nasty and ignorant because that's exactly what her behaviour to OP is demonstrating.

It sounds like you need to pluck up the courage to break the ice. Maybe your lack of confidence seems "cold" to her or maybe she senses (incorrectly) you want to be left alone, especially if you withdraw in group company. If you are avoiding her, maybe that reinforces that belief. My suggestion would be to just say, "Hello," and smile when you use the kitchen if she is around. Even if it doesn't bring about a "friendship" it may break the ice enough for her to respond similarly which should ease your discomfort a little.
If being quietly friendly doesn't work and you don't want to ask her what you have done to offend her, just let her coldness wash over you. As long as you have other people who are friendly within the group, you should concentrate on them.

Is it just that she hasn't spoken to you or is she giving you dirty looks as well? If she just doesn't speak, she could be shy. If giving you nasty looks/pushing past you ect then perhaps she doesn't like you. If that is the case, and you know you have done nothing to upset her I would let her get on with it. If she is the bullying type and you try to make friends with her she will only despise you for it.

It seems like a form of bullying to me. Might be an idea to keep a record of things that she does. You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your workplace.

just thought, at our local church, we had a cafe going before Pandemic.. a small one... small amount of volunteers, one lady there... well you can imagine.. I just could not get through to her... so let her be,,, herself... plenty of others,, sad but...

after the pandemic, she is now smiling, chatting and being very friendly with me... who knows what other people are going through

What a lot of posters are treating a casual acquantanceship like an episode of a soap opera - all interactions must be supercharged with emotion and ulterior motives. It is like teenage girls bitching to each other. Why not just be calmly pleasant with this woman and get on with the work like adults, without building fantasy feuds into it whenever you bump into her.

Carry on being the lovely person you are.. let it slide. yes, I know it hurts, but ....

wondering how close you have to work with her?? with her? or near her? any necessary contact?

just know how loved you are here.. not everyone can "like" everyone
not everyone is "nice" look at Putin, just as an example!

DiscoDancer1975

It sounds like jealousy to me. You may never have spoken, but she’s built something up in her mind, and dislikes you for it.

You need to break that if you can, and confront her. Just keep in your mind, that she is most likely struggling more than you are.

Good luck

And the original poster has built something up in her mind, too. She and this colleague have never spoken, but she thinks hat she dislikes her and is "nasty and ignorant".

It is high time that you did speak to each other. She could be thinking that you don't like her , and that you are nasty and stand-offish for avoiding her whenever you can and not speaking to her when you can't help meeting.

No need to become bosom pals and exchange life histories, just smile and say "Hello" when your paths cross, and "Pass the milk, please" if you meet when making a cup of coffee. You may find that she is very nice, and if she isn't, you are not committed to doing any more than that.

Sorry, but I don't think she is either being ignorant or nasty because she doesn't talk to you!
Have you thought that she may be shy and is waiting for you to speak first ? Just a hello would do, same to the other woman that she knows.
The fact that you haven't spoken to them makes me think that they may be thinking the same about you !
You don't have to be bosom buddies with everyone that works at the same place, just pleasant. You won't always get on with everyone that you meet either, but who knows, if you make the first move with just a smile or a hello, it could change things. If no response, just do your own job and let them do theirs. Things could change in the future.
Good Luck !

Go upto her when she is sitting having her lunch or coffee in the canteen/rest room and sit down opposite.

"I feel akward approaching you like this but I feel the need to say a word. I know we never spoke but I get the impression that Ive upset or offended you in some way. Id like to try to sort it out so we can work together."

Then the ball is in her court. If she shrugs it off then you have made the effort to make the peace. It could be that she is a very private person and never makes the first move.

A new colleague you have never spoken to

So speak to her, she probably thinks you don’t like her.

Either way you will know for sure

NotSpaghetti

Can you offer her a coffee in a pleasant voice and see if she can warm up?
I had this once at a place of work and eventually discovered she had misread me and thought I'd been negative and surly towards her when I was trying to look after myself as I felt somewhat intimidated. We had a very long chat after work one day, both apologized and became quite close.
She was one of the few people I kept in touch with once I'd left that job.

Good luck.

I think this could be the reason too! When I was young I was painfully shy, and did not engage with anyone I thought might not like me, but just kept my head down. Many years later, many of these people are good friends, and I discovered that I had had the reputation of being stand-offish and unfriendly!

Only the other day I avoided catching the eye of someone I know while talking to his wife and daughter! All three of them I hold in the greatest respect, and I expect maybe because they are females I've been able in the past to get to know them better.

But before I left I turned to him and said 'hi how are you?', and he turned to me smiling and we chatted! I know he is shy too and a little deaf in one ear, and I had no reason to think he doesn't like me but was too shy to risk finding out!

So if you would like to find out, I think NotSpaghetti's advice is good! You might be surprised and you will lose nothing.

There are probably people that you do not like, it is ok not to like someone.

In most cases the people you work with are colleagues not friends, be polite but keep your distance.

It sounds like jealousy to me. You may never have spoken, but she’s built something up in her mind, and dislikes you for it.

You need to break that if you can, and confront her. Just keep in your mind, that she is most likely struggling more than you are.

Good luck

germanshepherdsmum - this was quite close to my situation too. And I was older than my colleague who was afraid I would be judging her.

I experienced this from a small group of women when I started my first job. It took a little while but we did eventually become friendly and I still exchange Christmas and birthday cards with one of them over 50 years later. It turned out that because I was more highly qualified than them they decided before meeting me that I would be snooty. They found out I wasn’t but I had to work on proving that. Could your colleague have formed some pre-conceived idea about you based on what she knows of your background and qualifications?

Stop worrying about what she may or may not think of you. Less attention usually gets more as the saying goes.

@NotSpaghetti. This is a good piece of advice. I’ll certainly think on this, thank you.

Can you offer her a coffee in a pleasant voice and see if she can warm up?
I had this once at a place of work and eventually discovered she had misread me and thought I'd been negative and surly towards her when I was trying to look after myself as I felt somewhat intimidated. We had a very long chat after work one day, both apologized and became quite close.
She was one of the few people I kept in touch with once I'd left that job.

Good luck.

Make her talk to you.
Look her directly in the eye when you meet and say good morning. Mention the weather, a news item... nothing obscure!
If she is deliberately trying to isolate/intimidate you this shows she has failed.
Hold your head up high and be you.
Her behaviour is childish and you should not lower yourself, much less let it affect your own behaviour.
Be the grown up!!

Good advice bluebelle

Well you re calling her a nasty ignorant colleague in your heading but if you ve never spoken to her how do you work out that she’s nasty or ignorant
Some people gel some don’t just get on with your work and talk to colleagues that seem pleasant toward you