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Fed up with colleagues

(23 Posts)
orchid25 Wed 04-Jan-23 22:23:31

So - currently working 18 months at an organisation in Surrey. Started as a temp but got internal job. Despite information from others saying manager is impressed with me he never initiates conversation (usually get a hello and goodbye). He brought his wife into work one weekend for the whole day upstairs. She looked friendly and smiley and didn' look stressed and she didn't look estranged from him. Didn't introduce her - she came behind the counter. I said 'are you a new temp?' she said ' i am his wife'. Then I discover that my female colleague from a different team is having a relationship with him from some email clues (with the same terminology minutes apart from each other) and a lot of mirroring, finishing the same times and the fact that she seems to be his 'PA' despite working under different teams. I like her, and it's not my business other to pick up the pay check but my ego is a bit hurt because they were both on the panel and I now feel that he wasn't really interested in me as a person - he was more interested in pleasing his mistress. I wonder if she knows his wife visited before christmas. I would be grateful for advice as I hate working in an open planned office observing their ill concealed relationship - and his complete indifference to me as someone who's recently joined their team (i.e I've had no official 'one to one' with him or induction). Thanks.

Doodledog Wed 04-Jan-23 22:28:50

I'm not sure I understand the problem. Why would he be interested in you 'as a person', and what makes you think he hired you to please the women you think is his mistress?

I don't know what advice you are looking for, really.

orchid25 Wed 04-Jan-23 22:30:44

Well I wish he would keep his personal life at home.

Callistemon21 Wed 04-Jan-23 22:31:35

Just do your job.

Smile and take the money 🙂

Doodledog Wed 04-Jan-23 22:36:22


Well I wish he would keep his personal life at home.

There's not much anyone on here can advise you about there, though grin.

You suspect that he's having an affair because of some circumstantial evidence, and are hurt that you think that means that he doesn't care about you as a person? I'm still unclear as to what that actually means, and why it matters. He is your boss, so you are there to work with him, and his PA has her own role which may or may not involve you. I would leave it at that and, as Callistemon says, smile and take the money.

MawtheMerrier Wed 04-Jan-23 22:52:32

Keep out of it, do your job and take the money.
It is absolutely none of your business.

notgran Wed 04-Jan-23 22:53:36

Have you previously only ever worked in a Nunnery orchid25 ? What you describe is more or less what has happened in every place I have worked. Basically if you want to continue working there, be professional and basically mind your own business. If that isn't acceptable to you, resign. Simples.

lemsip Wed 04-Jan-23 23:16:44

if you don't like it leave! I wonder if it's even true!

orchid25 Wed 04-Jan-23 23:19:24

I am being professional. And I am not naive. I know it happens in most places because that's where you spend the most time together. I'm not juggling two partners in the workplace and putting colleagues (like me) in an awkward situation. Particularly when his 'official' partner seems oblivious to what's going on. If you want to meet for anything...take it off the premises and get my manager to focus on his JOB.

biglouis Thu 05-Jan-23 01:56:05

This sounds like the kinds of toxic office politics I always worked hard to avoid. Other posters have given you good advice. Concentrate on your own job to the best of your ability. When you have to collaborate with workmates do so in a professional (ie detached) manner and dont get drawn into their mind games. Be polite and civil but keep your own counsel.And when you leave the office physically leave it mentally.

nanna8 Thu 05-Jan-23 03:32:14

Yes- smile and collect your pay. It is none of your business and I would definitely keep it that way.

Mollygo Thu 05-Jan-23 03:42:08

Smile and take the money.
As you said in your OP, it’s not your business what your boss does. He doesn’t have to be interested in you as a person, only in whether you do your job properly.

Oopsadaisy1 Thu 05-Jan-23 09:10:46

As you said in your OP, your ego has been hurt.

I’m not sure but perhaps thought that he was interested in you (as a person) and are now disappointed?

Just let them got on with it and concentrate on the work, they are business colleagues not friends.

orchid25 Thu 05-Jan-23 09:19:58

Thank you. I just hope he doesn't keep bringing his wife into work as I actually feel sorry for her, and feel that I am putting on an act in front of her.

MerylStreep Thu 05-Jan-23 09:21:13

You sound very young and immature.
Maybe try MN where you might get more sympathy as apposed to us who have been round the block a few times and therefore know how it works in the workplace. Ie, your there to do a job.

TillyTrotter Thu 05-Jan-23 09:28:04

If you want to keep the job, keep schtum.
If you’re not bothered then look for another job. I hear there are many job vacancies these days.
Office politics are always difficult to dance around but you learn to do it.

orchid25 Thu 05-Jan-23 09:34:03

Whilst I'm not here for tea and sympathy, I do think your reply is rude and patronising, Meryl Streep - there's no need to get personal when I AM DOING MY JOB by keeping my private life off site.

Oreo Thu 05-Jan-23 09:47:26


Keep out of it, do your job and take the money.
It is absolutely none of your business.


Siope Thu 05-Jan-23 11:10:08

You have no evidence that there is an affair going on.

In a SME, my management style would be to have had the CEO welcome you to the organisation at some point in your first week - generally a very brief introduction as part of an induction. In a large organisation that would be unlikely. But different organisations have different approaches.

Or, of course, if the manager concerned was in the same workspace as me, (and there was no intro shown in my induction/there wasn’t a formal induction) I’d have popped over to his desk the first morning to say ‘hallo, just wanted to say how much I’m looking forward to working here’ or some such. I wouldn’t then expect regular engagement unless there was a business reason for it.

There is no reason to continue working in an organisation that doesn’t suit you for any reason, including management style. Are you actively looking for a new job? There is a plethora of experience here, so can we help you with that?

AmberSpyglass Thu 05-Jan-23 14:39:17

I don’t understand why you think they’re having an affair?

Callistemon21 Thu 05-Jan-23 15:35:53

Awaiting episode 2

crazyH Thu 05-Jan-23 15:43:42

Are you jealous ?

pascal30 Thu 05-Jan-23 15:49:29


Are you jealous ?

sounds the most likely scenario