Sexual harassment by men to women

Iam64

Of course men can control their sexual behaviour.
There are acceptable hugs and totally unacceptable hugs/touches. It isn’t very complicated. We set our personal boundaries. If a man oversteps, we make it clear we don’t welcome it and will complain loudly
Sexual harassment is never ok

Indeed.

Who decided men have less control over their sexual behaviour than women anyway? Men are not wild dogs, nor are women!

I dont say my manager knows about my marriage ( how could she?) I mean she knows about the "offender". We are on constant CCTV so I didn't have to say.

Also, I've had MUCH more blatant sexual harassment in a previous job by women. So I don't even mean this as an attack on men more just me trying to sort my head.

I worked in a large photo lab for a short while when I was training and I was shocked at the way the WOMEN treated the men...young men just out of school.One in particular was targetted and would blush and be close to tears almost daily .

I know some of the men behaved in a similar manner lifting up short skirts and being handsy but in this case the women were worse than the men .Have you ever seen a group of women out on a hen night? Iwas very quiet at that age so would never have questioned it ,but there were women who had sons a similar age to these late teen boys/men and they thought it was funny!

In terms of statistics the current figures for violent sexual assault are 97% Male.

I'm not surprised that the women were worse. As I said, in my last job the women were terrible, always grabbing my bum or boobs. It was a female dominated job. Even if the men in my current job are a bit inappropriate, they are still way more restrained than those women were towards me. Even if it's done in a jokey way, it's still unwelcome and uncomfortable.

I think on the whole men are being careful and terrified of accusations. The one I mentioned who touched my bum, surprised me because I'd had to make a complaint about his friend. Just saying, I didn't want to get him into trouble but that he crossed a line touching my body and if it was only a hug I'd not have said anything. He agreed. But later touched my bum. What ? At this rate we won't have any men left!

your workplace sounds odd, not an atmosphere i'd like.
first i imagined something theatrical, ut now i'm thinking more like a prison setting.
either way, you seem resigned to casual sexual harassment there, which i don't understand.
worrying about getting men into trouble ??
and as to why exactly they do it ??
perhaps you need support IRL, are you in a trade union, you seem a bit muddled at the moment.
is here any workplace counselling available ?
or elsewhere.
you don't have to put up with this.

OnwardandUpward - you describe sexual harassment in two different workplaces, in one of which you say ‘women were terrible, always grabbing my bum or boobs’ .
In your post at 08.12 today you describe continuing inappropriate sexual touching.
What kind of work environment is this?

OnwardandUpward

Everyone hugs in my job, it's emotional.

I feel blamed and judged by these assumptions and people jumping to conclusions and no I have not discussed my shamefully lacking marriage with my colleagues, the shame!!!

I think the manager might know actually but I am trying to move on without discussing my feelings at work. Im a pretty remote and private person there.

You may well read my comments as judging and blaming you.
I can only judge or blame on what you have posted.
I’m not one to assume that you’re automatically in the right.
In the above post you state categorically that you haven’t discussed your marriage with anyone
If you haven’t discussed your marriage with anyone how would anyone know 🤷‍♀️

anyone see the rolf harris programme last night ?
it was worse than i'd thought.
the blind lady.
and in last week's, on austalian tv, crying about his parents, and then coming off stage and immediately grabbing, groping, sexually assaulting the female producer, under the guise of saying he needed a hug.
the whole thing, the singing when interviewed by police, trying to perform in the court, the so plausible public persona, whereas the reality is sickening.

no one, anywhere, should put up with anything.
complain, object, scream, shout, repel if possible, tell, tell, tell. tell everyone.
who cares why they do it.
they do it because they can.

Perfectly simple.
Say in a loud voice: "please remove your hand now from my bottom/breast." Not only stops the perpetrator but also those who consider doing likewise.
But then of course, the harassment would stop, which would leave Onward &Upward with nothing to think about.

My husband employs men, mostly for physical strength. I'm in and out of his shed, garages, and offices all the time. I never feel unsafe, nobody touches me - however, if anything untoward did happen to me anyone at fault would be let go because I'd scream, tell, and generally make misery --

It seems you've not chosen to fight back. Why?

OnwardandUpward
Have you told your husband about this?

This seems very odd to me. You work in an environment where everyone hugs ‘because it’s very emotional’. Previously you worked with women who were always grabbing your bum or boobs. Really???

We now have two threads by the OP. Sex is the common denominator in both 🤔

Exactly MerylStreep.

I seem to have missed the other thread.

Iam64

Exactly MerylStreep.

In relationships. Lack of joy or something like that.

Thanks. The OP seems thoroughly confused.

MerylStreep

We now have two threads by the OP. Sex is the common denominator in both 🤔

I am on both threads.
I thought I recognised the name on this one. But didnt find out, or connect it, with the other thread.

MerylStreep

We now have two threads by the OP. Sex is the common denominator in both 🤔

Very odd.

I know sexual harassment can occur in the workplace and it is more of a power thing but surely can be dealt with by a mature, older woman and, if a constant, then it's time to look for another job in a less emotional environment.

I'm intrigued about what constitutes an emotional environment.

Oooh two common themes, you say Meryl??? Oooh is that a GN "crime" ?

I should add, I am already having counselling and there is much more that GN does not know.

Well you may all be "intrigued" for a long time and perhaps if some people did more exercise doing things that didn't involve jumping to conclusions maybe I would have shared more.

It seems that OP wishes to create intrigue but won’t elaborate on her very odd work environments, which include sexual assaults by other women and an emotional job in which it’s normal to hug. Her husband doesn’t want an intimate relationship. Perhaps that leads to fantasising about other people’s ‘approaches’? I really don’t understand but she won’t find the answer to her marital problems here - I think she already knows the answer. You stay or you go.

You really take the biscuit with your strange judgements and attempts to obtain private information GSM. There is no way I intend sharing my private information on a public forum, thankyou very much!

I have chosen what I wanted to share and appreciate the kind comments. I would like to point out that I am not in any way confused, though you seem to be strangely fascinated and curious, highly invested in information which isn't going to be forthcoming or revelatory to myself.

"She" can say what she likes. And not say what she doesn't like. Any more rudeness from you and you'll be reported GSM.

Also, to anyone else who asked my line of work - if I wanted to say, I would have. This is meant to be an anonymous forum and it that's very obviously going to fail if people start talking about their actual careers and outing themselves. As we know, some people's posts have been quoted in the newspapers so I'd have to be an actual idiot to spell it out and anyone asking me to should feel like one for thinking I would.

The soaps are on later. Hope you'll enjoy them.

I don’t wish to obtain private information and I am not fascinated, curious or highly invested in whatever information you may or may not choose to reveal. You have started two threads, one about your marital problems and the other about sexual harassment at work. Without more information nobody can give further advice about either, but rest assured that I have no interest as you don’t really seem to want advice, and I will not comment further.