Why I will never volunteer again

A familiar tale indeed. Sadly.

Although some volunteers said they support me they didn’t do anything to help me

A familiar tale

If you completely wipe out ever volunteering again then ‘the nasty one’ has won that’s like saying I ll never go up the High street again because one shop had a rude assistant.
Never say never
What happened to you can happen anywhere
Put it behind you and enjoy life…. it’s very short

Thank you all so much for your kind comments. It has helped me more than I could have believed.
I will return to crafting but won’t volunteer again. That sort of thing happens to people who are paid. Ive left the work force and have learnt volunteers can be treated just as badly as paid workers. That woman is also a volunteer and although she didn’t always come in she wanted me to work different days, after 3 years. I replaced her when she moved across country but she started coming back. She is always in the managers ear and has lied to him on a couple of occasions about me
Once she told him I was leaving because of another worker. There was no truth in that at all.

I think this woman had another agenda.. and you would be best advised to keep out of her way.. As for the volunteering role you are clearly better off without a manager like him. It will take a little while for you to adjust to being without medication and you might feel more sensitive, but don't let that put you off trying new things and meeting new people.. Most people are not like those two fortunately..

There is nowt as weird as folk. You are better off not seeing her again. It is the charities loss, not yours.

You mention the woman who tragically lost her son was freely talking about him. Any remarks you made are unlikely to have affected her in the way she reacted. I would imagine that her grief is such that the smallest remark could upset her. She sounds like she needs some sort of bereavement counselling.

As for the manager, ignore, ignore. She handled it very badly. Charity organisations are no different to working in a paid job, people can be awkward wherever you go! Don’t let it affect your confidence and I would agree with the other gransnetters, go to your other groups who will be missing you! 😔

Don’t let the incident shape your life please Nools your crafting groups will be so good for you then you can perhaps find different volunteering work when you feel stronger because against all the downside volunteering is really good for you on the whole

Don't waste your energy in thinking about her. Move on. Enjoy the company at your craft groups.

That should read the woman who comes in when she feels like it

Purplepixie

It’s not too late to report that manager. Delete her from your phone and don’t get in touch with her again. Try and move on and go back to your craft groups. Please do not let people like that win. You are better than that. Hugs. 🤗

The Organisation is probably the oldest and largest in Ireland. I. Ertainly wont be supporting them again. They really did not care about how this was handled. I hate that the woman who. Ones inwhenever she feels like it and hardly does a thing when she’s there was able to make me feel I had no option but to leave. My three years of regular dependable working meant nothing in the end. Although some volunteers said they support me they didn’t do anything to help me.

Summerfly

Sending hugs Nools. 💐

Thank you so much

It’s not too late to report that manager. Delete her from your phone and don’t get in touch with her again. Try and move on and go back to your craft groups. Please do not let people like that win. You are better than that. Hugs. 🤗

Oh Nools. I hope things improve for you on the weaning situation.
I think the best thing you can do is try to get back to your craft groups. As a crafter and craft group attendee myself I know how much good I get from going to them.
When you feel up to it , have a look and see if there’s any other charity work openings that appeal to you.

My charity work is gardening and so many different volunteers attend at different times there’s some great conversations to be had. As a bonus it keeps me fit and then there’s the garden produce we benefit from.

I volunteered for two charities who supported the same “cause”
One was lovely and appreciative but the other was a bit high and mighty.
Always treated as new girl/ junior.
Anyhow we did a summer buffet lunch where all the food was home prepared. A lovely spread.
I sold the most tickets as most of the other charity came over in a minibus and supported us. The visitors bought loads of raffle tickets and it was vey successful.
I didn’t expect thanks but their attitude never changed.
They were very annoyed when we moved away and the charity packed up within weeks.

What a shame Nools. The person who did this is clearly not OK.
I've done a load of volunteering. Its a strange hybrid. Some organisations are better than others. Some people are just so busy, they forget the volunteer isn't actually getting paid!

Sending hugs Nools. 💐

Thank you everybody for your replies. I know it sounds ridiculous that I have not gone to my craft groups or looked for another role. I’m in a very vulnerable state lately because I’m weaning long term antidepressants and that day I had weaned down a few days before so it upset me more than it should.
I detest the woman for going to a young man (the manager is young enough to be our son) instead of me. She knows I’m not the type to deliberately upset anyone (who is after all).
I do not wish her or the manager well.

silverlining48

T hat sounds very unfair. I wonder if you feel able to take it up to higher management because the shop manager really didn’t deal with this properly.
Don’t let this set back stop you from re turning to the craft group.
I had a problem when volunteering with age uk. . I had been going for one day a week fir over a year and when I left I was neither thanked nor asked why I was leaving. Regret now not being more upfront with the manager who never spoke to me despite knowing I was upset. .

I agree about the manager. I complained to his manager who called me and interrogated me on the conversation with the woman. I told him there was a witness to the conversation but he didn’t want to know. I hung up on him. I was very frightened by his phone call. I complained higher up but nobody replied. I kept trying until a woman called me up and told me to calm down that nobody meant any harm.
I’m too old and tired to take it higher.

My guess is that while your colleague may have spoken freely about her son, she had set her own boundaries about how much she would reveal about his death. What happened at the shop may just have been unfortunate timing. However long ago a bereavement occurred, the bereaved will always have good and bad days especially around anniversaries.

If she had set boundaries, you couldn’t possibly know what they were unless she told you, e.g. I like to remember and talk about my son but I can’t bear to think about the accident itself. If he was in any way culpable she might not want to go near that. I note you say she spoke about him not the accident - so maybe that was one of her boundaries and your question inadvertedly stepped over it.

We all, accidentally, put our foot in it from time to time but her reaction and that of the shop manager seem extreme. It was unfair that you were given no right of reply.

Shops and offices have all kinds of rules and regulations about what must be reported to an area manager or head office. That will include staff conflict if the manager felt the incident was serious enough but HO would have expected him to have tried to resolve it before making a report.

If your colleague had laid it on a bit thick about her distress and mental health then that may may account for what, prima facie, sounds like an over-reaction from the manager. Who knows? There might be some backstory to this that you are not aware of.

Don’t discount the fact that you were the person who took over her job after she left. She may feel some irrational jealousy over that and had been looking for an opportunity to see you gone.

For your own peace of mind, I would ask for a meeting, either with the area manager or someone at head office to discover exactly what was reported and why and to iron out any misunderstanding. Get something in writing and an apology if you think it’s warranted.

You say you will never volunteer again but if you enjoyed what you did, then you are letting that one incident take away the pleasure. Three years is a long time just to turn your back on. There might be other branches you could work out or a different charity altogether.

I think we all know people that we have to tiptoe around because of their past, their mental health, their sensitivites, phobias or plain bad temper but you really mustn’t let one isolated incident impinge on your life to the extent that it appears to be doing.

I agree with those who have suggested you write a letter of complaint about the Manager. They are not managing so should be reported. Then I would take some time to yourself, maybe then have a look around for other volunteering opportunities. I had to try several before I found my niche and, yes, it does depend on the management.

And please, please don't give up your craft club!

It's so sad and discouraging to read things like this. I worked in the voluntary sector for over 25 years and I spent a lot of time explaining why management in the sector are paid a decent salary - but pretty much always less than their peers in the private and public sectors. Just because you work for a charity doesn't mean you become a charity yourself!

To me, volunteers are the same as paid staff except they don't get paid. They deserve the same respect, training and care as employees. Thus there needs to be a robust, experienced and professional management team to ensure that this happens - the right policies and procedures in place and plenty of training to make sure the organisation runs efficiently with both staff and volunteers knowing what they should and shouldn't be doing.

The old saying "pay peanuts, get monkeys" rings so true in the voluntary sector. If the management team isn't competent to manage in the private sector, then it's not competent to manage in the voluntary sector. Running a charity is no different to running a private company - and arguably, a bit more challenging as volunteers do- sometimes - lack the commitment of paid staff.

Volunteer management should be a priority in all non-profit organisations - staff and volunteers are the most important asset and should be valued as such.

I now volunteer for a number of organisations, some are brilliant but it shocks me to see how some are run by people who, to be honest, couldn't even run a bath.

You should have reported the manager for the way she handled the complaint against you; she is a paid employee and has a duty of care to you. If you do not she will do it again. Send in a written complaint; unlikely action will be taken now but it will rest in her file.
Then find another volunteering role.

Why allow one spiteful woman and an incompetent manager to put you off volunteering for good? You were enjoying your role before this happened so I'm sure you could find an equally (or more) rewarding job. I had eleven years as a CAB volunteer with a group of supportive colleagues, though some of the clients were hard going. Please persevere - the voluntary sector needs people like you.

Me too avaline I get so much out of volunteering I get as much out of it as they get out of me It gives me life, passion, friends, and something to do out of my safe bubble
I ve had one bad incident with another worker and although the manager is a totally lovely person who I get on with extremely well he didn’t handle it well at all, through his fear of not wanting to lose either worker or offend He was weak and it surprised me I should have gone higher but I didn’t I was too upset at the time I m still there and just make sure my days don’t cross over with the other person (bully)and I ve put it well behind me, nothing has happened before or since (10 years)