Adult sons - Less caring?
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"I'm at a loss" - clearing out
When relationship breakdowns happen within a family it's often the grandchildren and grandparents who suffer a separation, through no wish of their own. With so much information on the subject, it's often difficult to know where to start in terms of re-establishing that contact, so here's our guide to how it works and what you can do.
What rights do grandparents have? And do they have a right to see their grandchildren by virtue of being closely related? The short answer to this is, no - grandparents do not have any automatic legal rights. They can, however, apply for rights to see their grandchildren under the 1989 Children's Act, providing they have leave from the family courts to do so.
Despite the fact that there are no automatic rights to see your grandchild, your position as a blood relative will be something that is taken into account as the court decides the outcome of the case.
Grandparents' rights to maintain contact with their grandchildren after divorce are often a difficult issue. You're an important person to the children, who can help them maintain some stability at this difficult time. You're also less likely to be in the thick of things than the feuding parents, and hopefully they will see this and let you play your part in being there for the children at this difficult time.
It's important to take the opportunity if it arises and if you're worried about what will happen later. Involvement now may make a difference to the amount of contact you have after the separation. (There is, of course, always the danger that you'll be asked to do more than you're prepared for. You're quite entitled not to want to take on more unpaid childcare than you feel comfortable with.) But if you choose not to be involved at the time of separation, you might find what you want isn't taken seriously when the family is reorganised in the light of the divorce.
If one or both of the parents are refusing to allow you contact with the child, there are several ways to explain your case for emotional support:
Custody is generally granted to the mother, so maternal grandparents usually end up being the providers of more of the emotional and financial support following the divorce. If you're uncomfortable with what you're being asked to do, talk it through as soon as possible with the parents. Remember, they may be agreeing contact arrangements between themselves, so this is the time for you to ask for your rights as a grandparent to be taken into account. Ask to be added to the contact agreement, so that you have a clear point of reference. Do it face-to-face in order to avoid any confusion.
Paternal grandparents are treated in the same manner as maternal ones in the eyes of the law. However, it is worth checking whether your son has parental responsibility, which is obtained by marriage or his name on the child's birth certificate.
Paternal grandparents may find themselves negotiating contact with the child's mother, to whom they will no longer be related. This can be a tricky situation - but there's research showing that where paternal grandparents support contact, sons are much more likely to stay in touch with their children after divorce, so involvement is more important now than ever.
If informal communications aren't working, you might want to suggest going with the parents for mediation, where an independent person helps you reach an agreement about the child's care. To get a mediation, you'll need both parents to agree to join you.
If neither informal discussion nor mediation works, you can currently apply to a court for permission to apply to see your grandchild. Going to court is disruptive to the family and can cause relations to get worse, so it's good news that the government is in the process of changing the legal position.
In the past, the assumption was that grandparents had to ask for contact; now it's that grandparents should have it.
The onus will be on the parents to honour the relationships that matter to the child, meaning that arrangements for contact with grandparents will now have to be part of parenting agreements that are drawn up at the time of divorce - and it's only when these break down that the courts will get involved.
The government stopped short of enshrining grandparents' rights to see their grandchildren in law, but the balance has definitely tipped.
If you've been refused direct contact with your grandchild, you can still contact them indirectly - by writing, emailing or phoning them.
If the parents have refused you contact, it's sensible to tell them you intend to contact your grandchild in this way. Keep the relationship open and make sure the child isn't forced to keep secrets on your behalf. Remind the parents how useful you can be, and of your role in keeping the child in touch with her genetic inheritance and understanding her background. And remember - your grandchild's awareness that you want to be in touch and that the relationship matters to you can be a big boost for her self-esteem at a difficult time.
Enforcing contact orders can be a tricky business, but courts have several systems in place to make sure they are upheld, including imposition of parenting courses or unpaid work. In extreme cases, parents will even be imprisoned for breaking contact orders.
Of course, it's preferable to come to an informal agreement outside of court, but this isn't always possible and the courts are a last resort. Legal costs are often substantial, and can reach up to £2,000 in the run-up to a court hearing. Further costs will be incurred thereafter.
Grandparents Plus has a list of lawyers specifically on the Law Society's Family and Children panel, and many will offer you a free initial interview to discuss your case.
Also, many barristers will now see their clients directly (direct access), so it's worth considering them as well.
It is possible for the person falsely accused, if they are not a party, to become a witness and be called to court to give evidence, which will enable the court to decide the truth of the allegation. In some cases, you can apply to become an intervenor, which allows you to see the papers in the case, and to be represented at the hearing which is investigating serious allegations.
A child in this situation would not automatically go to the grandparents. It's important that a guardian is nominated in the parents' wills to avoid any confusion on that score and ensure that the correct person takes on parental responsibility according to the parents' wishes.
If a grandparent is named as the legal guardian of a child in the event of the parents' death, they would be expected to take him/her on. If no guardian is nominated, the immediate family make the arrangements. If any disputes arise on the subject of guardianship, the courts will then be asked to resolve this.
A court will always do what is in the best interests of the child, and, for the most part, that will be placing the child with its grandparents - especially when the alternative is foster care.
If your grandchild has been taken into care, the Local Authority must encourage family contact unless it goes against your grandchild's welfare. From an early stage, it is important that you are in contact with the Children's Service department (responsible for your grandchild's care under a Care Order) to make sure that they know who you are and that you wish to remain in communication with your grandchild. You can remind the local authority of the right to family life under Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights.
If you had parental responsibility before your grandchild was taken into care, the local authority must allow contact to exist, unless they obtain an order stating otherwise. Grandparents without parental responsibility who are refused contact must apply for a Child Arrangements Order.
Contact with your grandchild's guardian is also vital. Once this happens, Children's Services can arrange regular meetings and create a care plan for your grandchild, centred around who they want to see. A child's parents retain parental responsibility if fostering is part of a voluntary arrangement with the local authority, which means that the parents can decide who their child can and cannot see.
Even though you, as a grandparent, have no automatic rights when it comes to legal guardianship, you can apply for a Residence Order or a Special Guardianship Order if you are concerned about the welfare of your granchild after they've been fostered or adopted.
You can also get support from others in your situation on the Gransnet forums.
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