Tips for coping with widowhood

“Grief is an unmanageable emotion and the form it takes is unique to every woman whose husband or partner has died.” Jan Robinson lost her husband Tony suddenly and unexpectedly and asked others who had already been widowed for tips on how to cope.

As her husband once said, “advice is for listening to, but not necessarily for taking.” Nonetheless, the wisdom that Jan received was utterly invaluable – so much so that she compiled the best of it into a book, Tips From Widows, aimed at “widows of a certain age (50+) whose families – if they have them – have grown up and left home.”

Here Jan shares tips for dealing with the aftermath of the loss of a husband or partner. More, including practical information on everything from dealing with accountants to coping with emergencies, can be found in the book, which is published by Bloomsbury.

Talk

It is easy to become self-absorbed in your own grief but if you have adult children they too will be feeling the loss of their father and need to be able to express this without worrying that it will upset you. Likewise grandchildren need to be comforted and to talk freely about their grandfather. Allow them to comfort you too – “even if it brings tears to all of you.”

Drink wine and just let emotions happen

...although don’t be tempted to drown your sorrows with too much – we all know that alcohol is a depressant. “It is not the long-term solution to the many problems of widowhood. That said, we all know what pleasure a few glasses of wine can bring. The trick is getting the balance right.”

Don’t try to be too brave

After the death of your husband your brain will not always be in gear. Do talk things through or unburden yourself, even for one session, with either your GP, vicar, psychotherapist or a member of CRUSE. This is OK and not an indulgence.

Don’t sell your home in the first year of widowhood

(Unless it is an absolute necessity from a financial point of view). It is bad enough to lose your husband, but to add to this the emotional upheaval of a house move is highly inadvisable.

Go for long walks

Walking is famously therapeutic. And a good hour’s walk a day gets you out, and you always feel better for it.

Take loving care of yourself

When they are widowed, some women lose their self-esteem and confidence, temporarily or even permanently. Some find putting on a bit of make up can make them feel braver and better prepared to face the world. Other suggest, if finances allow, regular treats such as massages, manicures, facials.

There are many threads on the forums where gransnetters discuss their own bereavements and share their experiences and questions - and where others can offer support. All are welcome to join the conversation.

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