Exhausted after spending a day with my grandchildren

Jinny54 - I think that you have inadvertently responded on the wrong thread. Your original post is in Care and Carers and is titled Grandkids.

Sounds ideal.
Now you just need to teach coffee making life skills.

Yes I agree. Good job my dh enjoys playing and make believe, I enjoy the baking and crafting, with lots of coffee breaks ?

I don't know.
They haven't changed around these parts.
I only do what I can do; learning to amuse themselves is a good lesson for children (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!)

Misssadventure. This is very true. When my mum looked after my children they had to fit around her. They helped her with housework and then went shopping and helped prepare tea. Now, when we have our dgd they we play with them all the time, only occasionally will they ask for the tv putting on. They seem to expect that at our house it’s undivided attention, with lots of love and cuddles of course. When did things change ?

I don't understand any of this.
It seems children rule the world these days.
Whatever happened to older children fitting in with adults?
When I used to stay with my nan I loved helping her, not running her ragged - she wouldn't have had that, anyway, and rightly so.

When I left the parental home age 22 my financial contribution was very much missed. My sister returned to work while my mother looked after her grandson age 6 months. She often said she found it exhausting. However there was a different attitude towards raising babies then (1960s). They were usually bathed, fed and burped and then "put down" to sleep at a set time. Parents and grandparents were not afraid to leave them to cry and turn the TV up.

HildaW

I think part of it is....the sheer responsibility of it all.....when looking after your own children...you just do the best you can...when its your children's children....it somehow is so much more important to do everything right. There is this ever present worry of - what if something goes wrong?

This is exactly how it is for me..the responsibility. I don't want anything to go wrong on my shift. With my own dc they played around me while l got on with cooking etc but with gc when she was younger l never took my eyes off her and fell down in a heap when she was gone. I enjoyed every minute but was glad to rest afterwards and have no responsibility for a while. When my dm minded my dc she just let them do their own thing and they were quite happy just pottering around but times have changed.

Sorry for the typos my laptop keeps missing the letter f.
It must be feeling it's age as well!

I am still here rom 2011!
I am a great grandma now.I have one of my grandchildren living with me.She is 25 and has various issues caused by her former substance abuse, which is why she does not live with either of her parents.
My husband sadly is no longer with us.Without my granddaughter I would be lonely in the house so I am grateful or small blessings.

Jinny54, this is what is called a zombie thread, = very out of date.
but i've read your problem on the other thread, and the same question arises; why do you defer to SIL and daughter so much concerning the burdensome unpaid labour that you do for them.
it is as if you are beholden to them, as if they have some hold over you.
why do you let them tell you what to do.
it is not necessary.
you can stop it. by stopping it. stop kow-towing to them.
stand up for yourself. take your own space in life.
live your own life. do not throw it away.
is it a martyr complex that has you in its grip. ?
why is your life, and your health, worth so little.

I was struck by how many unfamiliar names there are on this thread. Then I realised it started in 2011 !

Doesn't work anyway as it falls on deaf ears. My sil told me I was saving him £1500 a month childcare. So I asked him why don't you pay me a bit of money then as I spend so much taking his kids out for meals..trips etc but his answer was..Why should I! It's what grandparents are for as no grandparents should be paid. I was fuming.

I too went straight from my own children at school to grandchildren. I also gave respite care to severely disabled children.
Now in my 70s I know my years of motherhood were far easier than my daughter's lives, working full time and with children too. I found that my stamina and strength ebbed away from age 60 and I was doing a lot of childcare for grandchildren as well as working until I was 67.
Yes, young children are exhausting but my daughters know that I'm getting old and feeble. Don't take on more than you can cope with.

I too am exhausted with grandkids five grand daughters four under three years old and I still have a 17 year old and middle son come back home with a break up. Stressed tired I feel like crying I haven't had a break from raising my own children I was only 40 when I had my first. No thank. Last weekend I had four under three then back again next weekend have two under two. I didn't expect this at age 50 I'm more stressed now than I was in my 20s I don't have any me time. They don't understand when your older you have raised kids you need time out

We only have one grandson, 8, and he is a proper Duracell bunny! Children that age don't understand the concept of ageing. We are a fit 68 and 73 respectively, but this past year we have begun to find it increasingly hard to keep up with him. We have him for two overnights during school holidays (which compared with some on GN, doesn't sound a lot - we only have one to look after!) and by the time he has gone home we are on our knees. And yes, as has been said, you do worry constantly about them hurting themselves on your watch.. I am far more risk-averse with him than I was with my own children. But when he's gone home, we miss him tremendously, and realise that there will come a time - and who knows how long away it will be - when he won't want to hang out with a couple of deaf, shortsighted old coffin dodgers who can't kick a football! So it's business as usual till someone calls time!

Couldn't agree more, Johanna. Well said.

I have four wonderful GC ages 7, 6 tomorrow, 4 and 23months. The middle two are boys, one with Aspergers syndrome and the other either |Aspergers or high functioning autism (undiagnosed). My DD has to run her house like a police state for there to be any order in the house. DD and SiL went to a wedding a few weeks ago and asked me to look after the children for three nights. I couldn't do it by myself so other Grandma helped. We had an exhausting time. We congratulated ourselves though, as the boys had very few "meltdowns". I hope it will get easier as the get older as I love visiting and helping with them.

Where have all the other grans from 2011 gone? Are they still here but not posting?

We had GDs 10th birthday at our house complete with 4 friends. Luckily her daddy stayed as well but they all behaved beautifully; it was the clearing up and washing (they stayed over!) that was the tiring bit.

This weekend we had our nearly 2 year old GS for his first sleepover with us. He comes for the day every week and is joined by his siblings after school. He was no trouble but every room in the house seemed to have toys and/or clothes covering the floor. He was on the go all the time and whilst he slept well, I was on tenterhooks - just in case!

Next weekend we will be having another 2 GDs staying over for the night. They've stayed several times before so fingers crossed all will be well. After that I shall collapse in a heap although really DH is the star. They all call our house 'Grandma's House' but its Grandad they want to play with them as he does 'speriments and madcap things in the garden! I provide food, stories and do the washing afterwards! We both provide the cuddles. We're very lucky that they want to come but one day it would be nice to have our house free of toys - or will I miss it all?

Oh how I empathise. When I have our two together I am forever saying "six feet apart" and "indoor voice" Eldest shouts and snatches and the youngest shares willingly which is so unfair.

I started to read this thread and had that 'deja vu' moment and realised it is over 3 years old - nothing changes .
I spent a week and a half recently helping out with pick-up duty when DGD started school and the time I spent getting her and the 2 year old in and out, out and in of the car and then entertaining them afterwards in the park, the play-farm, in the garden playing ball, dressing up for what seemed hours on end, colouring - phew, was I knick-knack-paddywhacked. I am home for a month, in recovery, and then start all over again for half term which will be an all day, 5 day week. I am looking for excuses already

I've been wondering why I'm feeling so tired this week! A few stints of minding various grandchildren, culminating in twin 6 year olds for 6 hours yesterday, then babysitting the other twins (nearly 3) last night. One of them was wide awake and we spent an hour or so reading stories, then singing every nursery rhyme she knows, repeatedly, till she was tired enough for her bed at 9 o'clock. Can't keep my eyes open this morning, but I wouldn't swap my lot for anything.

Phew- what a relief this thread is to me! Our GSs are aged 1 and 3 and are so different from each other. We seem to spend a great deal of time refereeing when one gets the other`s toys and outraged screeching etc ensues. I`ve often mentioned play pens to my DD but am completely ignored. Similarly reins for the toddling one. DD herself used to love her reins and would bring them to me before going out. They saved many a skinned knee etc as I could safely catch her as she fell. Playpens and reins are just out of fashion now.
We`re both wrecked after a visit and bones ache from the lifting, stretching etc that we`re not aware of at the time. The unconscious need for constant vigilance is wearing too.Then when they`re gone I miss them so much. There are 2 little hands round my heart

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Having one at a time is wonderful. Having them all together is a nightmare. They run me ragged. My house is wrecked, I'm laying prostrate on the setee. My husband has to have beans on toast for his tea. Is it worth it. ..of course it is. All that love aren't we lucky