to desperately want them to stay here?

Still in Eire Baggy but hunkered down in sister's and we both have work to do.
DH gone home.
Yes Faye i guess Queensland is about as far as the US is from UK!

Em there are so many families from Britain moving into the town (in South Australia) where I live. One family have become good friends with my DD1 and SIL. They both have no parents still living. The woman is an only child and her husband was brought up, more or less by older siblings. He transferred from the British Army to the Australian Army. Another family have just move into the area in the last seven weeks, they said they don't know anyone. Also a friend of my SIL recently returned to Britain as he missed his family though his wife was reluctant as she had an excellent job here and they had just had a new baby. I can't remember so many people from GB moving into one area before.
I think it is terribly sad that the parents who care see their children move to another country. My son, DIL and two grandsons living in Queensland is far enough for me.

Just yesterday we said 'Bon voyage' to a young family who have been friends of DD for many years. They started out to go last year but postponed until now. Australia offers an attractive lifestyle for their 2 boys (14 and 8) but the main reason for going seems to be that, although she is a well-qualified and experienced psychiatric nurse, opportunies are far better in OZ - not to mention salary! Moving from £30k to £56k for a very similar job with far better prospects than here. Can the NHS really afford to lose such fine young people?

I can understand why grannyactivist is so upset by her DD going to live such a long way away. As I have said before on previous posts, I have been through (and still going through) similar problems. Although with me, my sadness in losing the close contact is made more intense with the thought that my DS, partner and GC are actually making a mistake in emigrating. If at least one of them had a job, or a job offer, to go to - then I would feel more at peace with the situation. But there is no job, no house and the money they took with them is rapidly running out. But - as Baggy so rightly points out - they need to make their own decisions.

Quite right, jess, as usual! I have been lucky on all those counts. So far.

Even with the DH whose GC it isn't.

Except my GC isn't close geographically but 'full life', etc., plus total confidence in his parents' sense (and sensibilities), makes a huge difference, I suspect. Am glad that GS is moving two hundred miles nearer, at least for a short time. Will get in some extra visits.

In short, I've been lucky, according to my lights.

GA has had a tough time and I'm sure that makes a big difference, if only to make one more emotionally fragile while recovery is taking place. Hugs, GA.

Are you back from Eire, jess?

Aw Grannyactivist that is tough on you. Been there. Gets a bit less tough with practice.
I guess Baggy that it depends on your situation in life, what has happened so far, what losses you have suffered and what your inner expectations are about family life. And whether or not you have grandchildren that you are close to. Although with new babies etc it is a different kind of pain. And how full your life is otherwise. And whether or not you have a partner who is similarly affected or not. Although my DH is supportive and nudges me into spending money on airfares, it is really, really not the same as if they were his kids and grandkids.

Fonder, of course! That's what I meant. Off to the knickers thread now to be pedantic.

"failed as a mother if I wanted them around me now they're adults"

crap Rubbish.

And its "fonder" the heart grows, not stronger.

And why haven't you pedanted yet on my knickers thread?

I agree with most of what you've said Baggy - I suspect in part that my emotions are a bit ragged due to recent events.
One of my closest friends is also moving away later this year and when my youngest son returns to college (next month) I suspect that he won't be returning to live at home again, as when he finishes his studies he plans to move. I have genuinely encouraged each of them to move on, but there is no doubt that their leaving, especially so close together will have a great emotional impact.

As usual I'm the weirdo. I don't miss my daughters who have left home. I love them; I'm utterly impressed by them (need to put that on the in praise of thread); I love seeing them, and all the usual mother stuff, but when they're getting on with their lives without me, my uppermost feeling alongside the love, is pride — pride in them, in their achievements, in the way they run their lives, in their bravery, in their independence, and pride in myself that I raised such remarkable daughters.

I just don't feel tearful at all!

I get very excited when we planning a visit either way

But....

I'd feel that I had failed as a mother if I wanted them around me now they're adults. I've done what I set out to do when they were babies: made them into wonderful adults.

Maybe the fact that DD3 is still at home (and will be for a while) makes all the difference.

Distance makes the heart grow stronger, they say.

Phone call from my lovely daughter this evening to say that she and SIL have been successful in securing really good jobs in Auckland, New Zealand and confirming they will be going in February (if all goes to plan). I am so proud of them for achieving their goals and genuinely pleased for them. BUT! Oh dear I will miss them.
I've been very positive about the move when I've spoken to them and it occurred to me after talking to daughter on the phone that she probably thinks I'm glad to see the back of them - not sure how to say how much I'll miss them without breaking down. I shed a little tear this evening.

You are not being unreasonable to want them to stay, but it would be unreasonable to try to influence their decision. I totally understand how you feel (I would feel the same) but I don't think it would be fair for you to stand in their way or make them feel bad or guilty for leaving.

Just a little ray of hope for you ... we actually moved to the US about 6 years ago ,leaving my Mum alone in London.

We felt terrible, my Mum was so close to my children -at one point living next door to us

But...we are coming home! The US is not for us, and I want my Mum in our children's lives.

This is just brief part of my story ,I just wanted to let you know that even if they do leave ...they just might be back

I hope all of you find peace and are able to gain acceptance for however long you might need to.

Good luck.

BTW,my Mum found she was surrounded by too many memories in London (having raised both her girls there) so she took herself off (at 66) to live in Cornwall. I know that type of drastic measure is not possible/wanted for all ,but point is; she did cope and learn to thrive in a new home/situation.

I know how you feel Ambergold. I hope you get to arrange a visit to your family soon. I have no idea when I will see mine. I am trying to get on with my life without them-it's all I can do. It's about 3 weeks since I have seen them and the memories and pain is fading a bit now thank goodness.
One thing I know is that you cannot put your own life on hold because of your absent children and grandchildren-life is just too short.
My elderly mother has impressed this on me and she is right. My parents are also very sad that their grandson and great granddaughter are not nearby and they are very afraid that they may NEVER see them again as they are in their 80s. But they know they may not have many years left so try hard to be happy and make the most of their lives.
Do any other of you have parents also affected by absent families?
My brother moved to the US 40 years ago and never came back so it is not a new thing at all.

Amber enjoy the next few months with your daughter and grandson. Start planning your next trip to see them. I always feel better leaving my daughter and grandchildren if I know when my next trip will be.

Spelday I do feel for you. yes we accept their decision but tha doesn't take the pain away. I hope you'll get some support and hugs here to help. My daughter and Grandson have just spent 4 days here and now every moment is precious before they move. It's hard listening to her excitement and plans for their new home. I'll feel better once I've booked an air ticket.

thank you jangly for the hug!! it is much appreciated!

Speldnan ((((((((( *BIG HUG*))))))))))

I do feel very sad for you. x

I have written about this on another thread but many of you on this one are in the same situation exactly as me! my son and DIL moved to NZ 18 months ago and it completely broke my heart. I was v close to my son and we used to speak to and see each other often. I missed him so desperately when he went-it is a kind of grief and I think you have to recognise that. No amount of skyping and emailing makes up for the contact you are used to and the fact that your child is 24 hours flying away from you!
Anyway I had just about come to terms with it when they announced they were going to have a baby! She was born in June and they came to visit with her only a few weeks old. I had a wonderful week with them all and became even closer to my son. He said to me that I must realise that his wife and baby need him more than I do now and of course he is totally correct.
However... they have gone back now and the pain is intense and visceral. I have to start all over again getting used to their absence.
They have a wonderful life over there and say they won't stay forever so how can I not be glad for them?
Ambergold, Geordiegran and everyone else-I feel for you so much! those of you who are still married to the father of their child may find it easier as you have someone to share the pain with. I am not and my new partner has not children and no empathy over it-his attitude is ' they've made their decision and you will have to accept it'

I would have been better for us if we'd had Skype back in the 1980s and 1990s. Talking face to face will be a real help, Ambergold. America is not as far as Australia, so visits should be relatively affordable.

Think of it this way - your genes are improving the American gene pool!!

And like the others said - you've got us lot to talk to when it all seems too sad.

Hey Amber, my daughter and her husband are planning to leave for NZ in Jan/Feb. I'm already thinking of making plans to visit them for my 60th birthday in a couple of years time. I'll have to start some serious saving up.

At least you know now, which, in some ways is better than a thread of uncertainty. Think ahead one year from now..there will have been [hopefully] a visit to see them, lots of communication with them as well. You'll be very strong but, when you're not you'll come here and everyone will understand. I had a discussion with my daughter today about the possibility of it happening to us one day. I do regret stopping my [then] husband from working abroad when we were younger because I was such a stay at home. Try to make the most of the next few months [I know it's easy to say that]. Lots of group hugs coming up in the future, methinks....

Thanks for the update AmberGold, keep positive - it's going to be a tough few months. Our thoughts are with you x

Oh Amber - keep coming here and we will try to help.

love to you. x

Well the update is that they are going. The package on offer is good and I guess on the face of it, who wouldn't want to live in California? If we were retired we'd be following them.
Now I just have to keep positive. I'm not sure how I keep the relationship I have with my grandson going, he is so young and I am going to miss terribly him being close and staying here on his own.
A small consolation is that because my daughter is pregnant, she will not move until January/February when the baby is fit to travel so there will be a period of getting used to the idea. I still can't quite believe it. It seems that whenever I get my life on track (which is incredibly hard work at times due to situations we have been in) that something happens which just floors me again. Now I shall say goodbye to both children in the space of a few weeks as they head off to different countries.
I have learnt though that there is a great deal of support, provoking thoughts and wise advice on Gransnet, so thank you for all that.