Cross about over use of the word heroic

Surely there are lot of different kinds of heroism, from the courage of a soldier prepared to risk his life to save his comrades to the volunteers who man the lifeboats around our coast and from the child who of necessity has become the main carer in the family and still manages to get to school to those who devote their time, efforts, affections and often whole lives to the care of those less able and less fortunate. Perhaps we need a new word as, like so many others, heroic has become debased by the frequency it is applied to all and sundry by some of the media.

Jangly I have just returned to the forum and see that you have not left. Good. as I like to see your posts and I enjoyed the thread marathon, though perhaps that is not something to be repeated too often, it does confuse the non-participants.

I am sad to hear that you are on medication for depression. You should have told us, then we would all have cheered you up instead of reacting to your rather fraught post.

A short rest from posting without unsubscribing could be a good thing. When you feel a bit calmer and happier, come back and see us. And keep taking the medication.

I agree, absent. The media is at fault for using often inflammatory and inappropriate descriptions/adjectives. Tabloid (and often broadsheets) have used wording that has sold their papers, irrespective of how 'close' to the actual subject the wording may be. As you say, the Lifeboats, and and the other great group - the Mountain Rescue, who have, I believe, no funding other than voluntary (correct me if I'm wrong?) apply themselves heroically to their calling. Often sons following fathers into the teams of volunteers. There are so many ordinary people just quietly getting on with it as do the youngsters you spoke about. No funding for them either.

greenmoss You got my point.
In the case of my SIL the appropriate word to describe his actions in the events leading up to his death is 'heroic'. He was a 'hero' in the true and obvious sense of the word.
The other two scenarios I describe include 'heroic' responses and actions , but I would be very wary of describing the people as 'heroes'. Brave, courageous - yes. Some of the efforts and actions they have taken can truly be described as 'heroic', especially in the first case described. But - as greenmoss points out, I think there is a word missing from the English lexicon. Neither my daughter or the couple I mentioned would dream of describing themselves as heroes, but quite what they are I can't easily put a name to.
I also think that the word 'hero' conjures up a sort of two dimensional character. Most heroes are described as such because of specific daring actions, often taken during times of conflict or in response to a specific situation or threat. The 'unsung' heroism mentioned in an earlier post is about the day to day difficulties people are faced with in their lives, but which usually involves no threat to personal safety.
Hmm - so much complexity in one little word.

What on earth is grannyactivist's daughter doing in her grief running over the moors and through a sheep dip. WHY?

If she were my daughter I would move heaven and earth to get her out of this masochistic state of mind and get her to do something which makes her feel better, happier, more relaxed to help her finally come to terms with her tragedy. There must be other ways.

Her husband was undoubtedly a hero and heros and heroines are a product of the situation they find themselves in. We would all want to save a child from drowning but only that person on the riverbank can do so.

I think GA's daughter has to come to terms with her grief in her own way. She has chosen the heroic way, or it chose her. Chambers describes 'heroic' as "using extreme or elaborate means to obtain a desired result". None of us can know how we would behave in similar circumstances unless we've been through the same pain.

Charlotta Surely grannyactivist's daughter is an adult and can make up her own mind about what she wants to do, why she wants to do it and how she we
wants to do it. Is it not a bit of an assumption that her actions are masochistic (overused and misused word) rather than challenging (overused and misused word)? Coming to terms with the reality of death is a process and grieving is part of the process – you don't come to terms with grief, or at least I don't think so. I may be wrong but I think all this is quite recent and raw in the lives of grannyactivist's family and one way of dealing with this kind of pain is something hard and physical – works for some.

Charlotta - your comment on this thread is a little 'trollish' and, in my view, it is somewhat rash of you, or perhaps deliberately provocative, to express an opinion on my daughter's state of mind. Or perhaps you have met her and feel confident that you understand her? Please advise me as to what will make her feel better, happier and more relaxed - you see I'm floundering trying to help her to get through each day and offer the support she needs without dictating to her, and it seems you're far more knowledgeable about these things than I am. (tongue in cheek emoticon)
I must say though, that I am very grateful that you are NOT my daughter's mother as I fear you would clash somewhat.

Keep up the good work, GA. I'm sure it helps her and I'm sure she appreciates it.

Thanks for encouragement Baggy and absent. A bit like parenting; there is no handbook for what to do if your husband/son in law gets blown up by a bomb! Am feeling a wee bit fragile at the moment.

"…your husband/son in law gets blown up by a bomb." I feel very small, rather pathetic and quite embarrassed and wonder how I dare believe that I have any right even to talk about this. I wouldn't know where to begin if this had happened in my family and am impressed with your strength and support for your daughter grannyactivist. You may feel fragile but you obviously have a core of steel.

… and a heart of gold.

Yup charlotta I'd say uncalled for.

carlotta cannot believe what you have just posted! how dare you make such a rash statement! grief is a personal journey there is no right or wrong way to cope only your own way and that is what gas daughter is doing.when she is ready she will do something else and her mother will be beside her just as she is now I am crying as I type this their grief is so raw how can anyone critise them!

Can't beat physical activity as a way of helping to heal oneself.

carlotta you should be ashamed at the posting that you made,anything which will ease the pain just a wee bit will be good for GAs DD and for GA so well done to them,I know of a family who have not been able to communicate with anyone since they lost their son,so everyone handle's the loss in a differant way. Shame on you

The coping with grief and the whole mourning process ...is an individual journey ...we share places along the way ...but have to find our own route and undertake it in our own time.
Well done Grannyactivist for being there for your daughter ...but she will eventually find her own way through the darkest of times ...just as you will with your mourning for his loss.
Do not forget that you are mourning too ... for the loss of a life taken too soon. Be a little kinder on yourself! xhugx

Don't want to kill this thread by making it all about my situation, so I'd like to pick up Baggys point about the 'corporate creep' of charities. What do others think of this? And the whole 'sponsor me' approach to people who are doing something they want to do anyway? I'm thinking of elder daughter who walked the Yangtse River and had to contribute over £2000, plus raise sponsorship - but was honest enough to say that she was doing some good whilst pleasing herself. Any thoughts?

I think I must apologise to grannyactivist for upsetting her about her daughter. I got carried away because I so dislike these sort of actions for publicity which are then taken up by the media and called acts of heroism worthy of our respect and admiration.
Of course if the young widow feels it necessary to undergo such a torment and it helps her deal with her grief then that is how it is and I'll bow out of this thread before I do anymore damage.

Wise move, Charlotta.

A few years ago my husband and I were on holiday in Peru and got into conversation with a couple who were taking part in a 'Walk the Inca Trail' charity event for Scope. They had had to raise a minimum of £1500 each and then get sponsored on top of that. Their total stay was five days - DH and I were there for a fortnight, stayed in good hotels, saw probably more of Machu Pichu than they did and paid a damn sight less!! No wonder this type of fund raising is so popular.

Both of my boy's have done a lot of charity walk's, climb's, and white water rafting event's one did the Great Wall of China,with all of them they had to pay a set fee to part-take in the event's before they where entered into the event,they also then had sponsorship from people they knew and companie's they had approached,as your DD enjoyed the events she took part in GA so did my boy's but it is alway's a win win for the charity concerned.

The whole issue of sponsored fund raising is a bit fraught with contradictions. In the case of celebrities, while it raises their profile (benefits them), it also tends to bring in the big bucks (benefits the charity). If it's part of a huge national fund-raising campaign, eg Red Nose Day, it also encourages many others to raise money. If it's individuals, while responding to a challenge such as running a marathon provides a sense of personal achievement, it also raises money for the charity and has a cementing role, as it were, in society. On balance, I would say there is more in favour than against sponsored fund raising.

The year after my daughter in law died, my son and his friends decided to raise funds for the hospice where she had spent her last weeks, and for an additional charity nominated by the friends. They held a charity auction and then walked the whole 186 miles of the Pembrokeshire coast path in a week, which is something of a feat - it is a tough walk - but they were fit young servicemen. They raised a considerable amount of money and all felt as if they had done something worthwhile in memory of people they had lost. I think it is something that many people who are bereaved feel the need to do and I applaud it. When Jane Tomlinson from Leeds died, her husband and family went on to raise thousands and thousands of pounds for charity in her memory and are still doing so. It keeps her memory alive. All credit to your daughter GrannyA....

In reply to the original post, I agree that the words 'hero' and 'heroic' are often overused. I especially dislike it when applied to those who are bravely dealing with serious health conditions. While I greatly admire their perseverance and the many who maintain a positive outlook in the face of much suffering, I think that to be a true hero must there must be an element of choice eg. firemen or soldiers or those who bravely risk their own lives to aid others. People who are ill have no choice but to fight their condition or perhaps bear it bravely, both of which earn my respect and sympathy.
My daughter is a nurse in intensive care and although I believe she and her colleagues are dedicated and are doing a wonderful job, often above and beyond the call of duty, they are not 'heroes' as the press has at times described them.
There are many more suitable adjectives. The word hero has such a special meaning that it should not be downgraded by applying it unnecesseraly to those who have not really earned it.
People who raise money for charity have my admiration no matter how they do it.