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AIBU

Are we elderly or middleaged.

(321 Posts)
dorsetpennt Wed 28-Dec-11 11:11:16

At 67 years old with 2 grandchildren I consider myself middleaged. I still work 2 afternoons a week and lead a healthy busy life. I have a lot more energy then people younger then me. My son and his wife say I'm elderly and treat me as if I'm a doddering old fool. I've learned a lot of new skills since I turned 60, travel solo on buses and trains. Yet if I go out with them,they almost instruct me onto how to put one foot in front of another. I almost feel as as if I don't count for much .My daughter however, doesn't treat me like this at all thank goodness and finds their actions really annoying.

PoppaRob Wed 28-Dec-11 22:10:59

I can relate to your comments Charlotta. I mentioned to my Mum a while back that all of my parents' friends seemed so old when I was a kid, but in reality they were probably in their early 40s so actually quite young.

As for technology, I do wonder at my 89 year old Mum. As young 20something WAAAF during the war she taught RAAF navigators how to use RADAR, which at the time was very much a technical process. Now every time she buggers up the radio she gets me to tune in her favourite stations! smile

Greatnan Wed 28-Dec-11 22:28:18

I don't really care what people call me, but I know I am much fitter at 71 than I was in my 40's and 50's, when I was eating/drinking too much and taking no exercise. My daughters just accept that I am a bit eccentric because I choose to travel alone all over the world in order to snorkel on coral, and spend hours climbing steep Alpine paths. They didn't bat an eyelid when I went white-water rafting, or roller skating and they expect me to learn to ski now I live in a ski resort. My motto is that I will be very secure when I am dead, and now I want adventure.
My ex-husband was born elderly and bored me to death, which is why he is ex.
I don't make any effort to look young, though - I gave up make-up, contact lenses, hair dye, high heels, push-up bras, etc, when I retired to a remote region of France. However, I am told that my permanent slight tan (just through walking, I never lie in direct sunlight) and thick, wavy white hair look quite good, and I have now lost just over two stones through my walking, but as I never socialise it doesn't matter anyway.
My only concern is to keep healthy so I can carry on enjoying my wonderful life and I would like to see my great-grand-daughters grow up.

Learnergrandma Wed 28-Dec-11 22:31:27

Annabel, your grandma sounds just lovely, just the grandma I would have liked to become. My grandma was short and round, always laughing when she was not in a ferocious temper - in other words, just the grandma I have turned into confused

Cyril Wed 28-Dec-11 22:46:33

Thank you all for listening. Glassortwo, at least I have let out some of my frustration and calmed down. Perhaps if he had not had a glass or three he would not have been so pushy and then of course I want to push back. Why don't I learn? Thank you for your so sensible hint for evasive action. grin

Greatnan Wed 28-Dec-11 22:54:17

I have just asked my 48-year old daughter if she would describe me as 'my elderly mother' and she said not, but her 20-year old daughter would describe me as 'my elderly grandmother'. Thank goodness my great GDs are too young to call me anything but Nanny Noo!

Faye Wed 28-Dec-11 23:41:55

Cyril glassortwo's suggestion is what I would do too, or even get the taxi to drop you off just around the corner and then you can walk the rest of the way. Your SIL sounds controlling, you might need to speak to your daughter so she can have a word with him!

grannyactivist Thu 29-Dec-11 00:03:53

What an interesting thread.
I live in a place where 43% of the population are over the age of 65 and there are many activities for people to get stuck into following retirement. I am involved in a number of community initiatives and they are almost invariably staffed/resourced by retired people (mostly people in their 70s) and I think of very few of them as 'elderly', but nor are they 'middle-aged'.
My in-laws are both in their mid-70s, but I never think of them as elderly; I suppose this is something to do with them still having good health and a 'young' approach to life.

janthea Thu 29-Dec-11 10:37:43

I'm 66 next month and certainly don't consider myself elderly - just middleaged. I work full time and commute into London. Very busy and responsible job. I have four grandchildren and can out dance both my daughters! I love modern music and download the latest tracks and tell my daughters what is worth listening to. I am more techie then they are and they phone me to solve any problems with their computers, phones, TVs etc. I'm on Facebook and Twitter and am amazed that they aren't!!

grin

petallus Thu 29-Dec-11 10:41:00

Having just returned from a visit to the hairdresser where I spent three quarters of an hour gazing at my reflection in a mirror, I have come to the conclusion that although at 68 I may be middle aged, my neck is definitely elderly! sad

dorsetpennt Thu 29-Dec-11 10:50:44

Thanks everyone for your positive input. I discussed with with my daughter after I put on this thread - she reminded me that DIL's mother does nothing for herself and expects to be driven everywhere. My DIL is not used to such an independent woman as I am, in fact I come from a long line of strong independent women.[I've begged my son to ensure his two girls become independent too]. I've had to be as my ex left me with two small children in 1984. You'd think my son would appreciate that despite everything ,I've paid off my mortgage, got the children through colleges and universities, forced into retirement at 60 anbd promptly went out and got another job within 2 months.

absentgrana Thu 29-Dec-11 11:05:12

Given that "young" (or even immature) has been extended, in some cases, well into the thirties or even forties – think of all those boyish types playing computer games, living with mum and dad and "having commitment issues" – I think elderly definitely needs to be pushed a decade or two further forward. But what the hell? I don't care how I am catalogued or typecast – I intend to go on breaking moulds forever. grin

GoldenGran Thu 29-Dec-11 11:34:08

I regard myself as middle aged, If you are able bodied and fit, I think the decades have moved.iwill be 65 in a few months and
I don't know anyone of my age who could be described as elderly. But agree with absenta it,s life by any other name and boundaries are there to push.

Nsube Thu 29-Dec-11 16:10:31

Old, or middle aged is ten years older than what you are now. And that's on good authority.

JessM Thu 29-Dec-11 16:54:09

Interesting grannyactivist - it is a new city here in Mk and far fewer older people than where you live (I have the stats upstairs but 2 flights up and can't be bothered just now) But probably the lowest in the country. We do have a big U3A though, (perhaps because there is not much else around), which i have just joined and agreed to chair. Since I am now 60 I am coming to terms with the fact that the over 60s are in fact my peer group! Gransnet has helped with this interesting process. smile

Wheniwasyourage Thu 29-Dec-11 18:50:13

Nsube, I was just working my way down the posts meaning to say that I have always worked on the assumption that middle-age is 5 years older than one's own age (therefore currently 65 for me), but you got in first! Think I'll go for your definition of old as age + 10 years, but it might be pushing it to get to 95 and say that middle age was 105...

It really annoys me when newspaper reporters insist on calling anyone over 60 "pensioner". It's never been true for men, it's not now true for women, and what does it do except patronise people? Why can't we continue to be described as women or men for the rest of our lives?

MrsJamJam Thu 29-Dec-11 19:06:08

On Christmas Day, GD described someone on TV of about 25 as 'old'! She thinks of us (in our 60's) as ancient and past it, while I think of my parents (late 80's) as probably almost elderly as they do need a bit of support now. Though it has been a hard job to get my dad at 87, and after a heart attack, to give up driving from Devon to Kent and allow us to take him. Inside I'm still about 27, but my knees seem to have aged quicker than my mind!

nanapug Thu 29-Dec-11 19:47:40

I may not see myself as old (was shocked to realise that I will be 63 in January!!) but I certainly feel it today! What do I blame that on? The fact that I have had a lazy couple of days, and eaten too much chocolate. I definitely feel younger and more physically able if I keep going and eat healthily. Will I ever learn?!!
My grandmother was always old. I don't remember her being anything else. She was also always cross and grumpy and not a nice loving woman at all. Isn't that sad? She must have been a very unhappy woman.

Charlotta Thu 29-Dec-11 20:20:28

This really has become interesting. I play Bridge with a 90 year old. She had her eldest son at the age of 17, so he is nearer to her in age than I am. Yet to him she is an old lady, even elderly, and for me she is dear friend, an astute Bridge player and I don't regard her as elderly at all. I forget that she is actually 90.
There is a gap between generations which, as the young became middleaged, forces the middleaged to become sooner or later elderly.

MaryPaul Fri 30-Dec-11 06:08:55

Message deleted by Gransnet.

JessM Fri 30-Dec-11 06:20:37

I think this sounds like an advert

Greatnan Fri 30-Dec-11 07:46:34

Whatever it is, it is certainly digression in a big way! I would never have dreamed of ordering my lenses on line.

Faye Fri 30-Dec-11 08:09:43

Frankly my dears, I don't give a damn! Actually I do, it is something that peeves me, I have even heard people in their fifties called elderly by the media. I would have thought a frail person in their eighties may be called elderly, but recently I met a woman who was 89 and she was still volunteering at Meals on Wheels and also had a weekly lunch with her friends. She didn't appear elderly but how could a fifty year old be thought of as elderly....it's silly. Lots of silly younger people around with no common sense! wink

Greatnan Fri 30-Dec-11 10:17:46

I can't understand the media obsession with age - if a newspaper interviews someone who has witnessed a crime, they always give the age - how is that relevant? They also give the value of the house owned by anybody in the news. I believe in the USA newspapers tend to quote the salaries.

absentgrana Fri 30-Dec-11 10:49:19

I also dislike "the wrong side of" as in "Although she is the wrong side of 40, she still looks glamorous". It's almost as if it is your own fault that you are growing older.

Annobel Fri 30-Dec-11 10:58:04

Greatnan, I have heard that the reason they give the age of the interviewee is to distinguish him/her from others of the same name.