3s a Crowd

I feel for this poor lady in her first year of widowhood and admire that you said yes to her - scream at us here and put a brave face on it. But I do think the suggestion of saying at the outset that you and OH are organising a private meal together on one night would be a compromise. It is a delicate situation - she may be a pain in the proverbial, but she is grieving.

Granny23, you sound far from petty minded to me - coping with such a lady sounds a nightmare to me - I would have run a mile!

On a more serious note, as we all get older and life hurls various things at us many of us are coping with some pretty horrid things. I recently had the missfortune of meeting someone who would wheel out their pain everytime they felt crossed in anyway (something that had happened 20 years ago). We are all coping with something (some much more than we will ever know) and so I truly think we should still do our bit to give and take, be polite and understanding of other folk's needs.

Not sure how I would deal with this. And hindsight is not much good- but what a pity you didn't tell here gently, there and then, that you haven't had any time at all with OH and that this time, you just wanted to be on your own. Then follow up with asking her to visit for a few days. Perhaps she only decided to go and pay fees, once she knew you would be there with her- so it is hard to let her down now. What a pity.

Let's hope you find a way to explain that to her now.

If the trip turns out to be the disaster you expect, could you put aside a couple of days at home and pamper yourselves, treating it like a romantic holiday? It doesn't have to cost a lot. Or even do it before the conference so that you don't feel resentful of your friend! I am sure your family would be willing to give you a short break from childcare if you explained. Good luck!

You could have taken longer to think about it instead of saying 'Yes' straight away.
You can always contact her and say that obviously you are happy to give her a lift etc but that part of your trip is a chance for you and DH to spend some quality time alone together and you hope she realises that she may have to entertain herself in her spare time there ?
That is being honest.
Its not her fault you jumped in with a yes and are now feeling miffed about it.

Your friend can then decide if she still wnats to go or not.

You are not being a good friend if you let her tag along whilst quietly seething to yourself. It must be horrible to be with people who don't really want you there so speak up and be honest !

I like *Faye's post earlier in the thread. Says it all.

As they say - you're gonna have to "suck it up".

Sorry for that!

Life's rich tapestry and all that.

I think Maxgran has a point; horrid for your friend if she senses you wish she wasn't there with you.

Difficult now but for her sake either try to set boundaries you can be happy with or come to terms with the situation and accept your friend's presence in good grace.

Managed to find this thread to report latest development. Friend tried to book into 'our' hotel but thought it too expensive (£40 room rate per night for B&B for 2 is a good deal but they charge the same for a single occupant) so she has booked herself into a B&B close to the conference venue AND persuaded another friend to accompany her. Whoopedoo! We will still give both of them a lift there and back, no doubt spend some time with them at conference but will also have plenty time to ourselves.

Now I get to feel virtuous for offering and still get the break I wanted.

Result, Granny23!

granny23, what a great result and thank you for taking the time to come back and tell us the outcome. hope you all have a great time.

granny23

Result. Nice to know you did not at the end of the day have too much of a problem. I am sure however you would have managed if not.

Enjoy yourselves.

What a nice post to start the day - well done!

It's good when everyone is happy!

Alls well in the granny23 household enjoy your time away.

Satisfactory for all parties Granny23.

Perfect result, G23. I hope you have a satisfactory conference.

Virtue is its own reward? Or, put another way, you got away with it this time - next time, forewarned is forearmed!

Try to see the situation from the other person's point of view. My husband died just over a year ago and we had been inseparable for over 50 years - the loss of what is genuinely your other half is unbearably lonely at times.

medic