Is this all there is?

Good quotes Bags. I think this is about balance really. If you spend your life wondering what it is all for, then as Camus says, you aren't living. If you are just relentlessly doing and you never pause to doubt, to think, to wonder what it is all about, then I think that is missing out on an important part of life as well.

So right, Mamie! Balance. We're at an age when our bodies are letting us down a bit, so we need to sop and think how to manage them. When I was in the midst of chemo, and feeling pretty awful, I found that I had to try to do something; if I couldn't, I didn't until I felt I could try again.

When one isn't, as Greatnan put it on another thread, as bendy as one used to be, then it really does get one down, but I still try my best to keep doing things. I love my work with Rotary, and all that it offers, and that is a big plus for me, that in some little way I can make a difference.

I think I'm quite lucky but I envy those who are having a great time in retirement - as I used to envy those who always have wonderful experiences whether it is a holiday, meal, wine, cinema or anything else. I seldom reach the peaks of excitement that some seem to find every day.

When I read this thread, I first thought of the Peggy Lee song 'Is that all there is?' www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VscVP_Gt_s&feature=related. It would always have been one of mine for a desert island.

Post-retirement, I tried all sorts of things - charity running is the closest I've found to recreating the old buzz and excitement perhaps because races can be fun and worthwhile. I think time with grandchildren and active time with wife, family and friends are now very important to keeping me going.

Perhaps we all expect too much of life - my mother thought she was very lucky because my father never lifted his hand to her or any of his four children, didn't booze or gamble all his wages, and paid her a regular sum for housekeeping, albeit it was only about half his earnings. He was quite unusual in our Northern, working-class area.
I am almost always happy and content, but I can't say I am in a constant buzz of excitement, nor do I want to be. I certainly have many moments when I am aware of being wonderfully alive, perhaps when I reach the summit of a mountain or snorkel across a pristine coral reef.
I think it must be very difficult to feel joyful if you have any chronic pain or disability so I a not surprised that some members feel low from time to time. Circumstances can arise that make us sad, especially when we are concerned for the health of people we love, mental or physical, and sometimes it is hard to stay upbeat all the time for any of us, I guess.

But one doesn't have to be 'upbeat' just to accept what appears to be the case – that life "just is" and we might as well just get on with it – and enjoy it as much as we can because our allotted span is relatively short – in the 'best' way possible. What that best is, is where ethics comes in.

I agree with you Grannylin. ‘ Live in the moment and enjoy it.’
Why the need for a purpose and to be valued?
I haven’t always felt this way but I now try to live in the present, open to new opportunities (GN and cruising with jeni) and also learning something from the painful experiences (denied contact with my GS)

Two 'phantom shoppers' on one boat sounds most entertaining!

Being too busy to worry about whether there is anything better seems to me to be a recipe for being happy. Isn't life something that happens while you are making other plans, or something like that?

Isthisallthereis - I think for me it's a case of 'I still haven't found what I'm looking for'. All through my life I have thought, 'when I'm 20 I'll be happy' or 'when I'm 30 I'll feel fulfilled'. When I was working I thought I'd be happy when I retired because I'd be able to do whatever I wanted. But now I don't know what I want to do. I'm in a writing group and a Spanish chat group, I have 2 great sisters who live nearby, 2 wonderful daughters and 2 fantastic grandchildren. DH is obsessed with golf and I'm a bit envious of that, although I wouldn't want to do any one thing 3 days a week. I'm as mixed up as I was as a teenager. I was a volunteer at the Oxfam bookshop, but I was the youngest one and had to unload heavy boxes of books from cars outside the shop, and I hurt my back, so gave it up. I'd love to have something to do that would absorb me, but what?

I'm not quite retired yet but rather dreading it, at the moment I have a purpose, a reason to get up in the morning. I know there's charity work, courses, shopping, travelling, seeing friends and luckily I'm relatively fit and healthy but I guess it's a sense of having had the best years of my life and feeling that nothing is ever going to be as good and exciting as when I was young.

Dread no more BlueSky (have we met before? welcome if you're new). Retirement is fabulous. I had a career and a role that was a big part of my identity and now I forget it most days, having retired nearly 3 years ago. There's more to life than work, rush hour, job stress and getting out of bed on freezing winter days. People told me I would get bored, but I haven't. Love retirement!

I've been retired 6 years because I've been looking after my grandson. This was fine but now my husband is ill. He gets very depressed and spends his life in an armchair. He doesn't like being left so I don't get out on my own much. There are days when life just seem to be sitting in a chair, not speaking because he thinks I talk too much. I knew that when we were both retired we would have to cut back on the travel & outingsbut because of his illness it's all happened much sooner than I expected. Still, there will be a new baby next year so hopefully he's the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sit in your chair with your laptop on your knee Deedaa and log in to Gransnet. There is always someone to chat to and all kinds of things to talk about.

Hello Deedaa there's a friendly welcome here

There has just been a woman on the radio, Baroness Nicholson. I googled her afterwards and: she was diagnosed deaf at age 10, had a career as a computer programmer, was an MP in Devon and is now an MEP, and is currently age 71.

She was on the 8am news this morning, talking about British trade involvement in Iraq, particularly Basra.

Why aren't I like her? Active and making a difference. And I don't mean volunteering for the local charity shop; a bigger platform is what I mean. Making a difference at a properly valuable level.

Yes, I do feel frustrated. I didn't work hard at a good school, then do a Cambridge degree ..... for this! One aim of education is usually given as "realising an individual's potential". Doesn't seem to apply to me any more.

It did. And YES, IT IS NOW TOO LATE (shout, shout!) What was that line about raging against the something of the night??

Scrap-heap, ennui, age-discrimination, diminishing powers..... Your thoughts? Please. Grrr...

I suppose we all reassess our lives from time to time and think, 'what could I have done differently?' I often think 'what if... I had studied languages instead of English... if I'd become a solicitor... if I'd managed to write a novel..' The list goes on. Then I reflect on what I have here and now. If I'd done any of these things, I wouldn't have exactly the lovely sons and grandchildren I have now; I might be better off financially; have that period cottage in a pretty village..... I would probably have the dodgy joints though!

What do you mean by 'a properly valuable level'? You may have made a difference to people without knowing it. What was your career? I don't think you've mentioned that. Another definition (Whitehead, I think) of education is 'learning to be human' - a bit different from the definition you have gone by. I've been a teacher - latterly of adults - and I could see students changing in confidence. Is that a 'properly valuable level'? When my colleagues and I taught in Africa, it's my belief that we helped women in Kenya to gain a position in the life of the country - I know that's a big claim, but there is evidence. Most of us are still anonymous on a national or international level, but we know that because we were there at a time of great change, we helped to 'make a difference'.

Think about it, isthisallthereis , I assume you have children and grandchildren. It is NEVER too late to help the GC to realise their potential, give them confidence to be themselves, even to 'make a difference'.

bluesky, isthat all, Stop beating yourselves up! Get out there, or stay in there and enjoy your interests without feeling guilty because you are not (in your own terms) doing anything "useful." for both.

I dont go out that much to theatres etc. I do go to two choirs, three U3A events a week one requiring homework. and I garden and go to a knitting club which provides lots of laughter.

I "think" travelling would be nice but it seems to me really too much of an effort and with DH it tow it would be even more stressful.

I sometimes think I should be out there seeing the world, just because I could, and that I am wasting opportinities etc. but when it comes down to it I am happy pottering about the UK with the odd day out or short break abroad.

Don't get over influenced by the media images of the fit retired going off having wonderful adventures and think that because you are not doing these things you are wasting your life!

Do what YOU want (within reason and the law) but don't think you are wasting your time on the planet because you don't particularly want to do useful or exciting stuff.

My only complaint about retirement is that I have to limit what I do as there are not enough days in the week. The last thing I want to do is to volunteer for anything.
Enjoy the moment. Sit in the sun with a cup of tea and watch the bees go by! Do what you physically can, when you can and enjoy being! Remember there doesn't have to be a "reason" just enjoy the moment. Or like me and elegran suggest spend time enjoying gransnet.

Welcome Deedaa keep logging on and joining in! [flower]

anno exactly!

Did you hear me on the radio this morning? No because I'm not that important, but I still make a difference albeit at a much lesser/lower level than that. The difference I make is, nevertheless, valued by the people I help on a day-to-day basis.

There are so many ways one can help ordinary people in their ordinary lives. People who have never thought about British trade in Iraq but are having a really hard time of it here and now and value any help they receive, be it from a Cambridge graduate or someone like me with no degree at all.

People who work in, volunteer for, contribute to and buy from charity shops are real assets to our community.

As a newbie here, taking the plunge...I do believe that 'counting one's blessings' actually works. If your working life was such that you were engrossed, happy, fulfilled, valued, stimulated etc then it is hard to find a role in retirement that will bring you those things again.

It's a 'making the best of it ' scenario, at best! But, think of the alternative. I, for one, am very grateful for the advances in technology. What we are doing here, on the Internet, is amazing. My laptop is a portal to an outside world at any time of the day or night. Goodness knows how previous generations amused themselves. Crikey, my Granny didn't even have a television or a phone. We are so lucky.

I think someone else mentioned volunteering - there are many opportunities and many don't require good knees!

Hi Sel and welcome What a sensible post!! My nan had phone but panic always ensued if it dared to ring

Deedaa (see I can do it if I concentrate!!)

annodomini "Think about it, isthisallthereis , I assume you have children and grandchildren."

My original post states clearly that I don't. In actuality, I very much wish I had.

By not reading what I'd written before you blurted into print, you've made me feel quite a bit worse. Yes I'm over sensitive, some people are.

Thank you to all the very helpful posters. Yes, Sel (great name, sel as in salt perhaps) The salt has not lost its savour, the place of modern tech is interesting. My partner dislikes me spending time "on my device" even though otherwise we're very happy indeed. This cyber-stuff is detached, it's never as good as a good natter over a mug of tea, face to face. Just as a phone call is never as good as meeting up (for me). Yes I'm a dissatisfied type to some extent, but not entirely. Plenty of things I think are great and that I love doing.

"Goodness knows how previous generations amused themselves. Crikey, my Granny didn't even have a television or a phone" but I bet she nipped next door for a natter, I bet she wrote letters (and received them). Perhaps the family spent long periods over communal meals, perhaps she embroidered. Or played sport. Maybe she went to church, twice on a Sunday. Maybe no car, walked to the shops. No supermarket. She certainly would have had much less time to fill with amusements once she'd done her chores. Have you ever done a full load of washing, sheets and all - by hand! Or darned a sock? Or made jam from a big pile of fruit? They all take quite a long time!

I think your raging quote comes from Dylan Thomas do not go gently, poem

Cheers jeni, yes it does.

People who work in charity shops might be sensitive too isthisall and not be too happy to see themselves put down.

There are lots of ways one can get involved in doing something that also involves meeting other people for a natter and a cup of tea as well as helping your community.

Sel says count your blessings - do you not think you have anything that counts as a blessing?

There, Anno, that'll teach you to try to be helpful! No good deed goes unpunished.