holidays

I understand your need to have a holiday of your own choice. A 9 year old is not old enough to be left on her own and infact I belive it is illegal. Is there no one else that she could go home with for a few hours, a school friend or neighbour. as far a your daughter choosing where to go, maybe she could go just with her daughter. I think you have to lay your cardson the table .

Can you ask a neighbour to keep an eye on her? Or even for her to go to a neighbour or school friend until her mother gets home? Some schools run after school sessions for children whose parents won't be home at school ending time, does hers?

You are not being unreasonable at all of course you are entitled to have a break with your husband when and where you want. Your daughter is expecting too much . I agree that at 9 she is way too young to be left even for a couple of hours , do as the others suggest ask at the school about after school clubs or a friend or neighbour who wouldn't mind . Also your daughter must get some paid holiday can she not finish early enough to look after her daughter or take a few days off herself?
You are going to have to bite the bullet and tell her like it is in the nicest possible way or she is going to 'guilt trip' you into taking her and your granddaughter with you. Taking a complete break on your own will recharge your batteries and you won't eventually get resentful about the situation.

I agree with the others, you need that break and it is unreasonable of your daughter to expect you to always do what she wants. Why on earth can't your daughter use some of her holiday to look after her own child? It sounds to me as if she is taking advantage of you.

No you can't leave a 9 year old alone.

You need the bit of time together! Don't feel guilt about it either. it would be a really good idea to look at after school clubs etc, as tanith suggests.

After school clubs are ideal for such a situation. Children get to play and have a sandwich and drink to keep them going until mum arrives. You don't have to use the facility regularly for it to be available every once in a while. The after-school assistants are always there at school-out time, so it's worth having a quiet word to check out the possibilities before mentioning it to mum. The ones at my grandsons' school are just lovely and the children ask to go to after-school club on the days they don't need to.

Hi Mugnany. The name says it all. I now exactly how you feel. We become indispensable to our DD. and who is to blame: US.
I find the best way is to subtly drop the idea a long way in advance. I find this tobe the easiest way instead of shocking them rigid by saying: oh by the way.....

I agree with everyone who has said yo should have a break without DD/DGD and that the option of after-school club is a good one. If that is not viable a. Also a good 'baby sitter' might work. Are you near a college or university.. students doing a teaching course usually have a CRB and may welcome some extra income if their timetables fit in with after school care.
I employed a 'babysitter' for my DDs when they felt they were too old for a childminder but I felt they still needed care. She was at home when they got home and stayed until I got home. worked very well... you might want to do that anyway one day a week for a regular break if you could afford it..maybe share cost with your daughter? After all her child is her responsibility.

I agree with everyone who has said yo should have a break without DD/DGD and that the option of after-school club is a good one. If that is not viable a good 'baby sitter' might work. Are you near a college or university.. students doing a teaching course usually have a CRB check and may welcome some extra income if their timetables fit in with after school care.
I employed a 'babysitter' for my DDs when they felt they were too old for a childminder but I felt they still needed keeping an eye on. She was at home when they got home and stayed until I got home. Worked very well... you might want to do that anyway one day a week for a regular break if you could afford it..maybe share the cost with your daughter? After all her child's care is her responsibility.

How odd..not sure how that happened..I thought I pressed 'preview'..made an edit or two then posted!

I think it's absolutely reasonable of you to want a relaxing holiday at a time and in a place that you choose, particularly as you are so helpful to your daughter in many other ways. I do think 9 is too young to be left alone for 2 hours, but surely your daughter can make other arrangements?

How times change. When I was a nine-year-old I had plenty of schoolfriends whose mothers worked full time away from home. They let themselves into their houses after school and were without an adult for a couple of hours every day of the week. I quite often used to go and play with them after school (with my mother's permission). My mother didn't have a paid job, but would go and do her weekend shop on a Friday and leave my sister and me at home by ourselves, again for a couple of hours.

I was in the same position absent my mother didn't work but she did go out and leave us to it.
From seven years old I would travel into town on the bus to go to the cinema ( saturday morning, for children ) I walked to school alone and from six or seven used to go shopping which involved crossing busy main roads.
Today, I would not let GD a few yards in front of me as she has very little traffic awareness despite being told every time we leave the house.
I think 9 year olds today should not be left alone and agree that after school clubs are probably the way to go.

It is illegal and social services would be after you for leaving a 9 yr old alone.

We are in a similar position with regard to parenting our two young grandchildren and escape when possible.... not very often. Our son is in Navy and has to go away a lot. It can be hard to have 2 children again in our 60s...such is life.

When we do get away we like to sit in silence and hear nothing...bliss. My heart goes out to you both, join the club. At the childrens' last school we knew of at least 4 similar families. Just in the childrens' year groups. Must be loads of us!!!
We are well into our 4th year.